RETURN TO XILLIAM MOUNTAIN
-part 1-
If you would have told Illiam Ashbur that Soulmate Marks were created by a sinister god as a part of his plot to take down the world, he would have believed you in an instant. No questions asked. He blamed them for the death of his brother, after all. If only they were less ambiguous, Elian would have known if the mark on his left shoulder meant that he and Ulmer would be true, unrelenting friends, or that they were destined lovers. But instead, Elian had held up all those feelings inside until they exploded- BOOM!
And there went Illiam’s twin brother.
He hated Elian. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
Illiam felt lucky to be born without a single Mark on his body. Yes, his skin was perfectly unblemished, and that was one of the reasons why his parents had pushed him into the priesthood. And of course Elian had to tag along as well.
Once, the two of them had been so close, he didn’t know what he would do without Elian. But Maelys had changed all that. Elian was dead- a stranger, an enemy.
How had Elian done it? The Xiaomenese government hadn’t released that crucial detail. Had he hung himself? Maybe he’d stabbed himself, or took poison. Something painful. Or maybe he’d ended it quickly, with a bullet or magic. Maybe his suffering had been swift. To contrast with the suffering he’d felt throughout his long life.
Illiam didn’t want to suffer anymore.
So he’d traveled to a cabal of Elan who weren’t going to turn him in to the authorities and paid them what they needed.
“The Elanifiication process is very simple.” said the technician. “Don’t worry- you won’t feel a thing. And the memory loss will be minimal at worst.”
Illiam almost wanted to forget himself in the vats and machinery, walk out a new person.
And there went Illiam’s twin brother.
He hated Elian. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
Illiam felt lucky to be born without a single Mark on his body. Yes, his skin was perfectly unblemished, and that was one of the reasons why his parents had pushed him into the priesthood. And of course Elian had to tag along as well.
Once, the two of them had been so close, he didn’t know what he would do without Elian. But Maelys had changed all that. Elian was dead- a stranger, an enemy.
How had Elian done it? The Xiaomenese government hadn’t released that crucial detail. Had he hung himself? Maybe he’d stabbed himself, or took poison. Something painful. Or maybe he’d ended it quickly, with a bullet or magic. Maybe his suffering had been swift. To contrast with the suffering he’d felt throughout his long life.
Illiam didn’t want to suffer anymore.
So he’d traveled to a cabal of Elan who weren’t going to turn him in to the authorities and paid them what they needed.
“The Elanifiication process is very simple.” said the technician. “Don’t worry- you won’t feel a thing. And the memory loss will be minimal at worst.”
Illiam almost wanted to forget himself in the vats and machinery, walk out a new person.
He doesn’t.
No, when he wakes up, he’s just the same as he always was. Except for the thing above his chest.
“What the hell is this!?”
The technician looks at it, examines it, and then she tells Illiam what he already knows.
“That’s a soulmate mark.”
Illiam traces the half-heart over the right side of his chest (not where the heart is) with a sense of horror. There are lines on the side of it, and Illiam instinctively knows that it will be almost two centuries in the future before he meets this person.
He traces it with his finger, and then tries to rip it off.
It doesn’t work. They always grow back.
Even if you burn them off.
Even if you use acid.
Even when you shapeshift, they’re there, looming.
No, when he wakes up, he’s just the same as he always was. Except for the thing above his chest.
“What the hell is this!?”
The technician looks at it, examines it, and then she tells Illiam what he already knows.
“That’s a soulmate mark.”
Illiam traces the half-heart over the right side of his chest (not where the heart is) with a sense of horror. There are lines on the side of it, and Illiam instinctively knows that it will be almost two centuries in the future before he meets this person.
He traces it with his finger, and then tries to rip it off.
It doesn’t work. They always grow back.
Even if you burn them off.
Even if you use acid.
Even when you shapeshift, they’re there, looming.
The undead don’t have Soulmate Marks. Not a single one of them. But Kir briefly remembers his, set more than 10 years in the future after Illiam’s is supposed to hatch. And it looms over Kir and Illiam’s relationship.
“I just don’t know if I can love someone who I don’t think is my soulmate.” said Kir.
Why would you memorize that date? Why would your parents try to estimate it after you were born? Why is it one of the first things they have children calculate once they understand dates?
Illiam has refused to calculate when he’ll met his. He doesn’t want to know.
Esfir has three marks, one on each shoulder and one just below the place where her breasts meet. That one is Itzicatl. Illiam has never seen it. He doesn’t know what it looks like. But everyone knows that Esfir has swords on each shoulder, slowly filling in with color. It's estimated one will be filled in a hundred years, the other in less than two hundred.
Danill has a traditional druidic tattoo to match Cassandra’s on his back. Both of them refuse to speak about their marks.
One day when Illiam is wandering the palace (in disguise, of course) he sees an old portrait of Helorie. Did you know (of course you didn’t) that his left arm was once scourged by a spiralling set of violet bands? Dmitri. Illiam thinks that he should have gotten a mark for Elian, but it almost never happens for biological siblings.
Helorie is now clean and free, thinks Illiam. He is unattached to anyone, free for his relationships to be in his mind, not marked across his flesh. He should have become undead.
“I just don’t know if I can love someone who I don’t think is my soulmate.” said Kir.
Why would you memorize that date? Why would your parents try to estimate it after you were born? Why is it one of the first things they have children calculate once they understand dates?
Illiam has refused to calculate when he’ll met his. He doesn’t want to know.
Esfir has three marks, one on each shoulder and one just below the place where her breasts meet. That one is Itzicatl. Illiam has never seen it. He doesn’t know what it looks like. But everyone knows that Esfir has swords on each shoulder, slowly filling in with color. It's estimated one will be filled in a hundred years, the other in less than two hundred.
Danill has a traditional druidic tattoo to match Cassandra’s on his back. Both of them refuse to speak about their marks.
One day when Illiam is wandering the palace (in disguise, of course) he sees an old portrait of Helorie. Did you know (of course you didn’t) that his left arm was once scourged by a spiralling set of violet bands? Dmitri. Illiam thinks that he should have gotten a mark for Elian, but it almost never happens for biological siblings.
Helorie is now clean and free, thinks Illiam. He is unattached to anyone, free for his relationships to be in his mind, not marked across his flesh. He should have become undead.
Sometimes Illiam dreams about him. He knows it will be a him, especially with that heart shape. He is towering and strong and perfect and everything that Illiam does not want. He is without flaw and he smells like the dirt after it rains.
And no matter how much Illiam doesn’t want him, he is always standing there.
Illiam begins to research how he can go without sleep.
And no matter how much Illiam doesn’t want him, he is always standing there.
Illiam begins to research how he can go without sleep.
Everything Illiam makes falls down. It always has. He has never succeeded at anything long-term. There’s never been a single plan he’s made that succeeded.
This is how he finds himself a penniless opium addict on Naven. Once they feared your name, Illiam! Once you were a ghost in the night, cloaked in terror. People frightened themselves just thinking about what you could be doing.
If they could see you now.
One night Illiam looks at his chest and sees there are days left.
And he begins to panic.
This is how he finds himself a penniless opium addict on Naven. Once they feared your name, Illiam! Once you were a ghost in the night, cloaked in terror. People frightened themselves just thinking about what you could be doing.
If they could see you now.
One night Illiam looks at his chest and sees there are days left.
And he begins to panic.
“Your kind is not welcome in hell.” says Isatum, cracking his enormous knuckles, lava flowing underneath them. “Isatum will show you the way out.”
There are minutes left. Moments left. Illiam will do anything to avoid meeting him.
He triples in size, becoming over fifteen feet tall, and his skin turns dark grey. Two powerful tails extend from his spine, and his arms are covered in blades. He sprouts two large horns atop his head.
Sometimes Illiam thinks that they’ve built everything on Naven out of cardboard. It’s so easy to push Isatum through the wall, so easy to suck the life from him. Easier than Illiam had hoped. They trade blows, Illiam having the advantage in speed and raw strength, Isatum having the advantage in stability and size. Plus, Isatum is made of lava, each slash spewing heat out at Illiam. When he spits he spits fire, blinding Illiam, burning his eyes, But Illiam can easily adjust his body to see without eyes for a few moments while he heals them, charging forward, now immune to fire.
And with that critical advantage down, Illiam is easily winning the fight. This was what he lived for! He hasn’t fought in so long. Isatum tries to run to the palace, he almost gets up the stairs. But Illiam leaps on top of him, and binds his wings magically, trapping him on the stairs.
Illiam can almost hear a party up in the palace. Something must be going on up there. He looks to Isatum. “Any final words?”
“Please, great one, mercy!” pleads Isatum.
“No.”
After that there is just magma flowing down the stairs. Illiam catches his breath before he prepares to flee.
“My exarch.” says the person standing on the stairs above Illiam.
Illiam looks to see who it is (it’s Xander, of course, who else has an exarch in hell) and his chest burns the moment his eyes meet Xander’s black-white eyes.
Illiam’s first thought is NO.
Illiam’s second thought is to remember the name of Xander’s exarch (former exarch)
Illiam’s third thought is to remember that exarchs also have soul marks.
He smiles at Xander and bends on one knee.
“Yes, my lord?”
Xander is horrified. The partygoers are stunned.
Despite being in actual hell as the new exarch of the devil god, Illiam feels like he’s in heaven.
There are minutes left. Moments left. Illiam will do anything to avoid meeting him.
He triples in size, becoming over fifteen feet tall, and his skin turns dark grey. Two powerful tails extend from his spine, and his arms are covered in blades. He sprouts two large horns atop his head.
Sometimes Illiam thinks that they’ve built everything on Naven out of cardboard. It’s so easy to push Isatum through the wall, so easy to suck the life from him. Easier than Illiam had hoped. They trade blows, Illiam having the advantage in speed and raw strength, Isatum having the advantage in stability and size. Plus, Isatum is made of lava, each slash spewing heat out at Illiam. When he spits he spits fire, blinding Illiam, burning his eyes, But Illiam can easily adjust his body to see without eyes for a few moments while he heals them, charging forward, now immune to fire.
And with that critical advantage down, Illiam is easily winning the fight. This was what he lived for! He hasn’t fought in so long. Isatum tries to run to the palace, he almost gets up the stairs. But Illiam leaps on top of him, and binds his wings magically, trapping him on the stairs.
Illiam can almost hear a party up in the palace. Something must be going on up there. He looks to Isatum. “Any final words?”
“Please, great one, mercy!” pleads Isatum.
“No.”
After that there is just magma flowing down the stairs. Illiam catches his breath before he prepares to flee.
“My exarch.” says the person standing on the stairs above Illiam.
Illiam looks to see who it is (it’s Xander, of course, who else has an exarch in hell) and his chest burns the moment his eyes meet Xander’s black-white eyes.
Illiam’s first thought is NO.
Illiam’s second thought is to remember the name of Xander’s exarch (former exarch)
Illiam’s third thought is to remember that exarchs also have soul marks.
He smiles at Xander and bends on one knee.
“Yes, my lord?”
Xander is horrified. The partygoers are stunned.
Despite being in actual hell as the new exarch of the devil god, Illiam feels like he’s in heaven.
-part 2-
Illiam’s past romances have only ever been with tieflings, and he’s rarely attracted to men who aren’t members that species. Xander is a fine specimen of his kind, from his curling ram horns to his neatly polished hooves.
He looks up to Illiam, opening the door to a large suite slightly. “You are quite larger than Isatum, but this should fit for you.”
“Smaller, actually.” replies Illiam, shapeshifting back into his true form. And then there’s this strange look on Xander’s face. He hadn’t noticed that he looked disappointed before, but he doesn’t look so now.
“I had no idea you were a human. I thought you were a devil or demon.”
“I’m sorry, you haven’t heard of me? Illiam Ashbur?”
Xander blinks. “Oh! I hadn’t even gotten your name, I…” Xander pressed his head into a hand, clearly stressed. “I’ve been incredibly out of it, excuse me. I have heard of you. It is, um, an honor to have you as my exarch. If you can excuse me, you can unpack your things, I need to go back to the party, if you’d like to join them once you’ve changed-?”
Illiam rolles his eyes. “Change into what?”
Xander blinks again. “Oh. Sorry. Well, we can have a fitting tomorrow, and you can change into this, if you’d like.” He hands Illiam an outfit, silver and green silk. “You have a bedroom, a bath, and a room you can you for whatever you like. If it’s not cleaned to your satisfaction by now, let me know as well.”
“Alright.” replies Illiam. “I will.”
He looks up to Illiam, opening the door to a large suite slightly. “You are quite larger than Isatum, but this should fit for you.”
“Smaller, actually.” replies Illiam, shapeshifting back into his true form. And then there’s this strange look on Xander’s face. He hadn’t noticed that he looked disappointed before, but he doesn’t look so now.
“I had no idea you were a human. I thought you were a devil or demon.”
“I’m sorry, you haven’t heard of me? Illiam Ashbur?”
Xander blinks. “Oh! I hadn’t even gotten your name, I…” Xander pressed his head into a hand, clearly stressed. “I’ve been incredibly out of it, excuse me. I have heard of you. It is, um, an honor to have you as my exarch. If you can excuse me, you can unpack your things, I need to go back to the party, if you’d like to join them once you’ve changed-?”
Illiam rolles his eyes. “Change into what?”
Xander blinks again. “Oh. Sorry. Well, we can have a fitting tomorrow, and you can change into this, if you’d like.” He hands Illiam an outfit, silver and green silk. “You have a bedroom, a bath, and a room you can you for whatever you like. If it’s not cleaned to your satisfaction by now, let me know as well.”
“Alright.” replies Illiam. “I will.”
Illiam arrives at a dying party, all eyes on him. Many of them glaring at him. Upset. Displeased. Oh well. He supposes he did kill someone.
Even Xander, standing next to a baby-faced contract devil, speaking to him in hushed tones, looks upset.
“Everyone. This is my new exarch, Illiam.”
Silence.
“It’s nice to meet you all.” says Illiam politely.
Silence.
“Thanks a fucking lot for murdering Isatum.” says Sasudama.
Even Xander, standing next to a baby-faced contract devil, speaking to him in hushed tones, looks upset.
“Everyone. This is my new exarch, Illiam.”
Silence.
“It’s nice to meet you all.” says Illiam politely.
Silence.
“Thanks a fucking lot for murdering Isatum.” says Sasudama.
Xander is professional enough. He has his eccentricities that any employer has. He is polite to Illiam.
But every time he looks at Illiam there is something of disappointment in his eyes, the same that he saw when he thought he wasn’t an elan. And it is rare that Xander will ask any advice of Illiam, or ask him to do anything at all.
“Xander’s cancelled all the orgies since you showed up.” complains Tetriel. “That was one thing you could depend on in this place, you know. The biweekly orgy.”
Illiam doesn’t really know how to respond to that. “Well, I’m sure he’ll reinstate them soon?”
Tetriel shakes his head. “He’s been celibate for nearly three months. Do you have any idea of what kind of record that is?”
“Good for him, I suppose?” says Illiam.
“I think you should talk to him about it.” whispers Tetriel.
This sounds like a terrible idea to Illiam.
But every time he looks at Illiam there is something of disappointment in his eyes, the same that he saw when he thought he wasn’t an elan. And it is rare that Xander will ask any advice of Illiam, or ask him to do anything at all.
“Xander’s cancelled all the orgies since you showed up.” complains Tetriel. “That was one thing you could depend on in this place, you know. The biweekly orgy.”
Illiam doesn’t really know how to respond to that. “Well, I’m sure he’ll reinstate them soon?”
Tetriel shakes his head. “He’s been celibate for nearly three months. Do you have any idea of what kind of record that is?”
“Good for him, I suppose?” says Illiam.
“I think you should talk to him about it.” whispers Tetriel.
This sounds like a terrible idea to Illiam.
“My lord.” says Illiam. “I was wondering if I could speak to you? I have some new ideas about invading Uldok?”
“Oh, Illiam, things are fine right now.” replies Xander. “I do not need any new ideas.”
“Is there anything I can do for you, my lord?”
“No.” replies Xander. “I do not need you to do anything.”
Illiam bites his lip. “It sounds like you don’t need me.”
“I suppose it could sound like that.” replies Xander.
“What’s your problem with me?”
Illiam and Xander stare at each other for several long moments. Illiam can’t believe he actually said that to Xander. Xander is just stunned that Illiam asked him this question. Finally, Xander admits it.
“I have been waiting over three hundred years to meet my soulmate. The person who I would fall in love with, a person who would finally… make this all so much less meaningless!” Xander slams his fist on the armrest of his throne, cracking it slightly. “Three hundred years! The only light at the end of this tunnel being him. You! And you’re just another exarch!”
Illiam blinked. And then blinked again. He thought for a moment, then said, “If I didn’t think that it would probably break my hand, I would slap you. What, you think the only relationships out there are soulmates? The reason you haven’t found your life worthwhile for the last three hundred years is because you haven’t even tried. You think someone’s going to save you, there’s going to be some light at the end of the tunnel and everything will be happy? No. Let me tell you something, Xander. Soulmates rarely make people happy. My brother killed himself because he was in love with his but he thought that they were just friends. And then he died. He never got a chance to tell him. He couldn’t live without him. He was weak. He was stupid. Soulmates are stupid.”
“Now, listen.” continues Illiam. “You want to be happy? Then you seek out and find someone. Someone who will actually make you happy. It’ll take years, probably. You’ll have to put time and effort into it. But if it’s actually something you want? A relationship with another person? Then it’ll have to take work.”
Xander didn’t say anything at all, and Illiam turned around and went to leave the room. Before he left, he paused and looked at Xander. “And I’d like something to do. And maybe you could listen to one plan of mine? Treat me like your exarch.”
And with that, Illiam was gone.
“Oh, Illiam, things are fine right now.” replies Xander. “I do not need any new ideas.”
“Is there anything I can do for you, my lord?”
“No.” replies Xander. “I do not need you to do anything.”
Illiam bites his lip. “It sounds like you don’t need me.”
“I suppose it could sound like that.” replies Xander.
“What’s your problem with me?”
Illiam and Xander stare at each other for several long moments. Illiam can’t believe he actually said that to Xander. Xander is just stunned that Illiam asked him this question. Finally, Xander admits it.
“I have been waiting over three hundred years to meet my soulmate. The person who I would fall in love with, a person who would finally… make this all so much less meaningless!” Xander slams his fist on the armrest of his throne, cracking it slightly. “Three hundred years! The only light at the end of this tunnel being him. You! And you’re just another exarch!”
Illiam blinked. And then blinked again. He thought for a moment, then said, “If I didn’t think that it would probably break my hand, I would slap you. What, you think the only relationships out there are soulmates? The reason you haven’t found your life worthwhile for the last three hundred years is because you haven’t even tried. You think someone’s going to save you, there’s going to be some light at the end of the tunnel and everything will be happy? No. Let me tell you something, Xander. Soulmates rarely make people happy. My brother killed himself because he was in love with his but he thought that they were just friends. And then he died. He never got a chance to tell him. He couldn’t live without him. He was weak. He was stupid. Soulmates are stupid.”
“Now, listen.” continues Illiam. “You want to be happy? Then you seek out and find someone. Someone who will actually make you happy. It’ll take years, probably. You’ll have to put time and effort into it. But if it’s actually something you want? A relationship with another person? Then it’ll have to take work.”
Xander didn’t say anything at all, and Illiam turned around and went to leave the room. Before he left, he paused and looked at Xander. “And I’d like something to do. And maybe you could listen to one plan of mine? Treat me like your exarch.”
And with that, Illiam was gone.
“I’m glad you could have breakfast with me, Illiam.” says Xander. “Please, take what you want.”
“I don’t have to eat.” said Illiam, taking some grapes anyway. He sat across from Xander, and it was once again silent for several moments.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said to me last night.” says Xander. “I really have.”
“I’m glad.” replies Illiam. “I would hate to have said it just for you to ignore me.”
“I want you to help me find someone. Someone who can be in a relationship with me.” explains Xander. “And I would like to have a meeting where you discuss your plans on Uldok.”
“Thank you.” said Illiam. “And I would be very happy to help you find someone, Xander. Now, what sort of person are you looking for? A man, correct?”
“Correct.” replied Xander. “I’d prefer him to be physically smaller than me, competent in combat, intelligent, not awed by the fact I am a god. But preferably one who worships me, or at least agrees with me on issues of morality.”
Illiam nodded. This was all rather technical, but he supposed if Xander had never been in an actual relationship before, it was at least a good start. “And are any of those absolute deal-breakers? Like, for example, if we found a candidate who fits all other criteria, but is larger than you?”
Xander thought on it for a moment. “I suppose I wouldn’t mind.”
“Do you want people to know you’re looking for a significant other, or do you want to keep it a secret?”
Xander shrugged. “I don’t particularly care.”
“That’s good, we can find more people, then.” Illiam already had ideas of combing through the people of Naven to find a suitable man for Xander. Then, once Xander was neatly paired off, they could focus more on business. Taking over Uldok.
“I don’t have to eat.” said Illiam, taking some grapes anyway. He sat across from Xander, and it was once again silent for several moments.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said to me last night.” says Xander. “I really have.”
“I’m glad.” replies Illiam. “I would hate to have said it just for you to ignore me.”
“I want you to help me find someone. Someone who can be in a relationship with me.” explains Xander. “And I would like to have a meeting where you discuss your plans on Uldok.”
“Thank you.” said Illiam. “And I would be very happy to help you find someone, Xander. Now, what sort of person are you looking for? A man, correct?”
“Correct.” replied Xander. “I’d prefer him to be physically smaller than me, competent in combat, intelligent, not awed by the fact I am a god. But preferably one who worships me, or at least agrees with me on issues of morality.”
Illiam nodded. This was all rather technical, but he supposed if Xander had never been in an actual relationship before, it was at least a good start. “And are any of those absolute deal-breakers? Like, for example, if we found a candidate who fits all other criteria, but is larger than you?”
Xander thought on it for a moment. “I suppose I wouldn’t mind.”
“Do you want people to know you’re looking for a significant other, or do you want to keep it a secret?”
Xander shrugged. “I don’t particularly care.”
“That’s good, we can find more people, then.” Illiam already had ideas of combing through the people of Naven to find a suitable man for Xander. Then, once Xander was neatly paired off, they could focus more on business. Taking over Uldok.
The search took the next two years. Illiam had to have introduced Xander to hundreds of potential partners, and Xander ended up seeing quite a few for periods of time. But in the end, the hunt had been fruitless. Xander and Illiam were both exhausted from searching.
But those long nights spent up together, Illiam going over military plans and tactics, Xander talking about the newest candidate, hours sifting through potential candidates, possibilities, maps of the Uldoki imperial palace…
A bond of true friendship had been forged there, as Xander came to truly appreciate Illiam’s mind and the dedication he had, so long as he had a cause to rally behind, and Illiam saw that Xander could be a great and powerful god, so long as there was someone to keep him on the right track.
But those long nights spent up together, Illiam going over military plans and tactics, Xander talking about the newest candidate, hours sifting through potential candidates, possibilities, maps of the Uldoki imperial palace…
A bond of true friendship had been forged there, as Xander came to truly appreciate Illiam’s mind and the dedication he had, so long as he had a cause to rally behind, and Illiam saw that Xander could be a great and powerful god, so long as there was someone to keep him on the right track.
Illiam would recognize Elian’s face anywhere. It was, of course, the same face that greeted him in the mirror every morning, but the eyes were a little wider. There was a little more hope in them. It was shocking to see it, however, because Illiam was absolutely sure that Elian had died hundreds of years ago.
They only saw each other for a moment. They passed each other on the street, and by the time Illiam saw him and turned back to find him, he was gone.
“I saw him, Xander. I saw Elian.”
“Your twin brother?”
“Yes, for just a moment, but I know it was him, and I know it was real.”
Xander nods. After a moment, he asks, “Is your brother very much like you?”
“Very little like me, Xander. We may look identical, but we have very different personalities. I take things much more seriously than him. I’m loyal, unlike him. I’m a lot more competent than him.”
“I was just thinking.” says Xander, leaning back. “You know I have always been very attracted to you, Illiam. As you are absolutely uninterested in me, I was considering Elian as a-”
“Sorry, what?” asks Illiam.
“You’re uninterested in me.” replies Xander. “Romantically.”
“Have I ever stated that? Have I ever said anything that would make you think that way?”
Xander blinks. “I… if you were attracted to me, and you know that you fit the criteria that I am looking for in a partner- except for morality, we disagree on several important things as you know, Illiam, but we get along in spite of it- and you know that we could be soulmates-”
“I don’t believe in soulmates, Xander.” says Illiam. “I’m your exarch, and you’re my god.” He brushes the area on Xander’s chest where he knew his mark was. “And that’s the most powerful connection between two people already.” He pauses. “I admit I was a bit annoyed at you at first. But Xander, I’ve always found you a very attractive man, and while I haven’t thought of romance in a hundred years….”
Xander’s eyes widen. He takes Illiam’s wrist gently, holds it in his hand. “Illiam. I do not wish for this to have the potential to ruin our friendship. Or our god-exarch relationship.”
“I don’t think we could be assured it wouldn’t be ruined if we didn’t take this risk.” replies Illiam.
“I’m just…. I don’t… are you….”
Illiam leans in to Xander. “Just kiss me already.”
The brush of Xander’s piercings against Illiam’s lips is a little unexpected. He hadn’t imagined how they’d feel. He had thought they would taste like metal, but they don’t, because gold doesn’t taste like anything. Illiam brushes a hand around Xander’s ear, feeling the curve, the distinct point, the earrings hanging from it. Xander’s body is an exploration in textures that human bodies don’t have. He burns hot, like he has a fever, but that’s just the natural body temperature that his body runs at. Illiam has wondered for many years (and will wonder for many more) if this was part of Xander’s biology before he became a tiefling, or because he is a god of flames and heat?
His piercings and his horns are the only cold things on his body. Xander’s horns are so wide, and Illiam could spend hours tracing his hands over them, admiring the texture, feeling the ridges, testing the points against his fingers until drops of glistening blood form.
And then Xander reaches towards the buttons of Illiam’s coat and-
They only saw each other for a moment. They passed each other on the street, and by the time Illiam saw him and turned back to find him, he was gone.
“I saw him, Xander. I saw Elian.”
“Your twin brother?”
“Yes, for just a moment, but I know it was him, and I know it was real.”
Xander nods. After a moment, he asks, “Is your brother very much like you?”
“Very little like me, Xander. We may look identical, but we have very different personalities. I take things much more seriously than him. I’m loyal, unlike him. I’m a lot more competent than him.”
“I was just thinking.” says Xander, leaning back. “You know I have always been very attracted to you, Illiam. As you are absolutely uninterested in me, I was considering Elian as a-”
“Sorry, what?” asks Illiam.
“You’re uninterested in me.” replies Xander. “Romantically.”
“Have I ever stated that? Have I ever said anything that would make you think that way?”
Xander blinks. “I… if you were attracted to me, and you know that you fit the criteria that I am looking for in a partner- except for morality, we disagree on several important things as you know, Illiam, but we get along in spite of it- and you know that we could be soulmates-”
“I don’t believe in soulmates, Xander.” says Illiam. “I’m your exarch, and you’re my god.” He brushes the area on Xander’s chest where he knew his mark was. “And that’s the most powerful connection between two people already.” He pauses. “I admit I was a bit annoyed at you at first. But Xander, I’ve always found you a very attractive man, and while I haven’t thought of romance in a hundred years….”
Xander’s eyes widen. He takes Illiam’s wrist gently, holds it in his hand. “Illiam. I do not wish for this to have the potential to ruin our friendship. Or our god-exarch relationship.”
“I don’t think we could be assured it wouldn’t be ruined if we didn’t take this risk.” replies Illiam.
“I’m just…. I don’t… are you….”
Illiam leans in to Xander. “Just kiss me already.”
The brush of Xander’s piercings against Illiam’s lips is a little unexpected. He hadn’t imagined how they’d feel. He had thought they would taste like metal, but they don’t, because gold doesn’t taste like anything. Illiam brushes a hand around Xander’s ear, feeling the curve, the distinct point, the earrings hanging from it. Xander’s body is an exploration in textures that human bodies don’t have. He burns hot, like he has a fever, but that’s just the natural body temperature that his body runs at. Illiam has wondered for many years (and will wonder for many more) if this was part of Xander’s biology before he became a tiefling, or because he is a god of flames and heat?
His piercings and his horns are the only cold things on his body. Xander’s horns are so wide, and Illiam could spend hours tracing his hands over them, admiring the texture, feeling the ridges, testing the points against his fingers until drops of glistening blood form.
And then Xander reaches towards the buttons of Illiam’s coat and-
It happened so fast. One moment, their relationship was normal. The same thing it had always been. Illiam was Xander’s closest friend and confidante, his exarch, his rock to lean on.
Now it is barely a month later and Illiam is moving into Xander’s private quarters. He knows him so well already, and it’s just across the hall. He knows what Xander likes in a relationship, what he needs in a relationship, what he despises in a relationship. And Illiam is unafraid to tell Xander the same.
Sometimes Illiam catches himself having the thought- Maybe soulmates are real. Maybe what he’s feeling about Xander is because he is his soulmate, and they were meant to be together and-
He stops that thought right when it comes.
He and Xander work as a couple because they’re willing to make it work. Not because of anything supernatural or soul-related. Because they work together, as a couple, for their future.
Now it is barely a month later and Illiam is moving into Xander’s private quarters. He knows him so well already, and it’s just across the hall. He knows what Xander likes in a relationship, what he needs in a relationship, what he despises in a relationship. And Illiam is unafraid to tell Xander the same.
Sometimes Illiam catches himself having the thought- Maybe soulmates are real. Maybe what he’s feeling about Xander is because he is his soulmate, and they were meant to be together and-
He stops that thought right when it comes.
He and Xander work as a couple because they’re willing to make it work. Not because of anything supernatural or soul-related. Because they work together, as a couple, for their future.
-part 3-
This is why Father made soul bonds.
Illiam can’t turn back into an elan, not after Xander’s death. There is only one way you will get Xander back, says Father. You will join him in non-existance.
There is no other way. There is no other way.
What if Isatum had stayed at the party? What if Illiam wasn’t in Naven? What if he had lost the fight?
No, it had to be so- in this world, at least.
So Illiam will follow Father until the end, just for a chance of seeing his husband again.
This is why Father made soul bonds.
Illiam can’t turn back into an elan, not after Xander’s death. There is only one way you will get Xander back, says Father. You will join him in non-existance.
There is no other way. There is no other way.
What if Isatum had stayed at the party? What if Illiam wasn’t in Naven? What if he had lost the fight?
No, it had to be so- in this world, at least.
So Illiam will follow Father until the end, just for a chance of seeing his husband again.
But let us remember the promise of Total Universal Soul Freedom, which belongs not just to our allies but our enemies, and that Illiam would do anything for a chance of seeing his husband again.
He would betray Father, turn his back on evil, lay down his weapons, make peace with his enemies, just so he could hold him again. His body doesn’t burn so warmly after coming back, but Illiam doesn’t care. He is here and he is safe and that is all that he will ever care about.
He would betray Father, turn his back on evil, lay down his weapons, make peace with his enemies, just so he could hold him again. His body doesn’t burn so warmly after coming back, but Illiam doesn’t care. He is here and he is safe and that is all that he will ever care about.
Author's Note: My original notes for this story stated:
"I don't like how it ended, I don't like significant chunks of the middle, and I honestly couldn't think of an ending. But if I don't publish things I write less and I don't know. Maybe I will one day whip this story into shape."
But I've come to like this story. Some stories are remember more fondly as time goes by, and here's definitely one of them. I think this is a good story. Even if we never returned to the Soulmate AU.
Word Count: 3585 words
Date: March 16th
yet another story where Xander and Illiam meet
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