There is pushing and screaming and Helorie is waiting outside with Itzicatl. He is in his humanoid form and looks sheepish. “Finally, the time, heh?” This does not seem like a finally to Helorie. It has been nine months, because that is the time of children, and that is hardly an anything in the vast, endless slog that is his life. But Helorie simply nods.
“Yes. Finally the time, I suppose.”
Inside the room there is a scream and a slap and a smaller scream, and then another scream again from Esfir. “YOU! YOU GET IN HERE!” And Helorie and Itizicatl, not sure which one is being referred to, enter the room. It seems that Esfir was refering to Itzicatl, considering her violet golden and storming eyes, considering the brands they burn on his forehead. “WHAT IS WITH THIS!”
And Esfir points to the legs of the unassuming looking baby, who is wailing and digusting and has legs that are all scaled, flappy like gelatin. “You know that after what we’ve done there was no chance she’d be a normal child.”
“Yes, but- not like this!”
The baby is magically cleaned off and the nurse offers her to Esfir. “Would you like to see your child, Your Imperial Majesty?”
“NO, I would not! Get that child out of here! And you, too, Helorie! I need to speak with my consort alone.”
And so Helorie and the nurse leave the room, and the nurse, a plump Assel woman with a gentle, worrying smile, hands Helorie the baby. Helorie does not want the baby. He does not know what to do with the baby. The baby wails, and Helorie looks into its dark violet eyes, and sees Dmitri.
“Yes. Finally the time, I suppose.”
Inside the room there is a scream and a slap and a smaller scream, and then another scream again from Esfir. “YOU! YOU GET IN HERE!” And Helorie and Itizicatl, not sure which one is being referred to, enter the room. It seems that Esfir was refering to Itzicatl, considering her violet golden and storming eyes, considering the brands they burn on his forehead. “WHAT IS WITH THIS!”
And Esfir points to the legs of the unassuming looking baby, who is wailing and digusting and has legs that are all scaled, flappy like gelatin. “You know that after what we’ve done there was no chance she’d be a normal child.”
“Yes, but- not like this!”
The baby is magically cleaned off and the nurse offers her to Esfir. “Would you like to see your child, Your Imperial Majesty?”
“NO, I would not! Get that child out of here! And you, too, Helorie! I need to speak with my consort alone.”
And so Helorie and the nurse leave the room, and the nurse, a plump Assel woman with a gentle, worrying smile, hands Helorie the baby. Helorie does not want the baby. He does not know what to do with the baby. The baby wails, and Helorie looks into its dark violet eyes, and sees Dmitri.
Helorie hunched over Dmitri’s hacked up body and considered killing him. It was what Dmitri would want, Helorie mused, were he able to respond. Right? Right. Magic was everything to Dmitri. Without his magic, Dmitri was nothing. Dmitri would be so unhappy like this. He was in so much pain.
So much pain.
Helorie took out his dagger and prepared to kill his brother. And as he did so he realized he could never do it, because he loved his brother. Dmitri was the center of his life. He was the star he orbited around, the one he and his soul were drawn to. And so Helorie could never kill Dmitri, because to kill Dmitri would be to kill himself.
Without his Dmitri, Helorie was nothing.
Helorie cut the bottom of his robes with the dagger, and put it away, and cradled Dmitri in his arms.
So much pain.
Helorie took out his dagger and prepared to kill his brother. And as he did so he realized he could never do it, because he loved his brother. Dmitri was the center of his life. He was the star he orbited around, the one he and his soul were drawn to. And so Helorie could never kill Dmitri, because to kill Dmitri would be to kill himself.
Without his Dmitri, Helorie was nothing.
Helorie cut the bottom of his robes with the dagger, and put it away, and cradled Dmitri in his arms.
It is on a crisp autumn morning that Ekaterina casts her first cantrip, and by afternoon the plans are already in motion. Ekaterina. She is to be ruler of the empire upon Esfir’s death (or, more likely, retirement) and is now our heiress royal. Ekaterina! Ekaterina! Tsesarevna Ekaterina. It is on everyone’s lips. She is the one.
And it is Helorie’s duty as official person nobody cares about anymore to accompany the other official person nobody cares about anymore, Ekaterina’s elder sister, the non-heiress, Anya, to the official celebration ball. It was just this morning Anya had half a chance, but now she is nobody, absolutely no one. She is a spare to an heir in a world of resurrection magic. She doesn’t have half a chance to the throne.
Anya is an awkward, gackly girl in a wheelchair, only fourteen years old and already knowing her life has ended today. Helorie does not like her. He has never really spoken to her that much, but palace gossip states she is a bully, cruel to her beloved younger sister, our beloved heiress, Ekaterina. Helorie does not put much stock into palace gossip, but believing it is at least easier than trying to get to know a girl he doesn’t really care at all about.
Anya is dressed now in an ugly brown dress. She looks down at a book on her lap sadly. “Are you sure I have to go to my sister’s ball?”
“Don’t be a sore loser.” says Helorie. “You can at least be polite today.”
Anya bites her lip and says nothing. “Alright. Let’s go.” She tucks the book (it’s Imander’s Reversals, why would a non-mage read that) into a pocket on the side of the chair and sets off. Her hands easily steer her wheelchair, which is at least the sort that helps roll itself, that can float up steps with ease, meaning that Helorie just has to walk beside her, leading her there. The party is already underway when they enter. Ekaterina is already center stage. She so dearly resembles her father, who is not here to see this because he is dead. But she is also an Esfir in miniature. She and her mother even have matching teal and gold dresses. The nation hopes Ekaterina will be powerful and strong, a capable, competent ruler. Just like her mother.
Anya reaches for her book and Helorie grabs her hands, stopping her. “At least be polite.”
She glares at him. “I’m here. That’s polite enough for me.” She rolls the wheelchair away.
Later Helorie finds Anya sobbing in a corridor. She turns around to look at him. “C-can we just talk? I just need someone to talk to about my feelings. I just-”
“Fun fact: I don’t care.” replies Helorie. “Stop your crying. I don’t think anyone wants to hear it.”
Anya’s eyes widen and then narrow. “Y-You’re right. I think I’ll be going back to my room, then.”
“You’re going to stay at this party until it’s over. You’re going to congratulate your sister, which I haven’t seen you do, you brat, and you’re going to socialize with people. Do you understand?”
Anya’s eyes remain narrowed. “I don’t remember you being the boss of me.”
“I’m just telling you what to do so that people could despise you slightly less.”
And it is Helorie’s duty as official person nobody cares about anymore to accompany the other official person nobody cares about anymore, Ekaterina’s elder sister, the non-heiress, Anya, to the official celebration ball. It was just this morning Anya had half a chance, but now she is nobody, absolutely no one. She is a spare to an heir in a world of resurrection magic. She doesn’t have half a chance to the throne.
Anya is an awkward, gackly girl in a wheelchair, only fourteen years old and already knowing her life has ended today. Helorie does not like her. He has never really spoken to her that much, but palace gossip states she is a bully, cruel to her beloved younger sister, our beloved heiress, Ekaterina. Helorie does not put much stock into palace gossip, but believing it is at least easier than trying to get to know a girl he doesn’t really care at all about.
Anya is dressed now in an ugly brown dress. She looks down at a book on her lap sadly. “Are you sure I have to go to my sister’s ball?”
“Don’t be a sore loser.” says Helorie. “You can at least be polite today.”
Anya bites her lip and says nothing. “Alright. Let’s go.” She tucks the book (it’s Imander’s Reversals, why would a non-mage read that) into a pocket on the side of the chair and sets off. Her hands easily steer her wheelchair, which is at least the sort that helps roll itself, that can float up steps with ease, meaning that Helorie just has to walk beside her, leading her there. The party is already underway when they enter. Ekaterina is already center stage. She so dearly resembles her father, who is not here to see this because he is dead. But she is also an Esfir in miniature. She and her mother even have matching teal and gold dresses. The nation hopes Ekaterina will be powerful and strong, a capable, competent ruler. Just like her mother.
Anya reaches for her book and Helorie grabs her hands, stopping her. “At least be polite.”
She glares at him. “I’m here. That’s polite enough for me.” She rolls the wheelchair away.
Later Helorie finds Anya sobbing in a corridor. She turns around to look at him. “C-can we just talk? I just need someone to talk to about my feelings. I just-”
“Fun fact: I don’t care.” replies Helorie. “Stop your crying. I don’t think anyone wants to hear it.”
Anya’s eyes widen and then narrow. “Y-You’re right. I think I’ll be going back to my room, then.”
“You’re going to stay at this party until it’s over. You’re going to congratulate your sister, which I haven’t seen you do, you brat, and you’re going to socialize with people. Do you understand?”
Anya’s eyes remain narrowed. “I don’t remember you being the boss of me.”
“I’m just telling you what to do so that people could despise you slightly less.”
“I’m going to marry Chrysal,” said Dmitri, and everything in Helorie’s world shatters apart.
“Oh. Are you?”
“Yes. Helorie, I want to start a family with her!”
Helorie does not understand this desire of Dmitri’s, or where it came from, or anything about it. Dmitri was content for forty years to be an eternal bachelor, and then this one woman, and he’s changed! “A family. Children.”
“A dynasty. Heirs for the throne, Helorie!”
“I believe you said you were giving the throne to me, Dmitri.”
And Dmitri laughed, and it was a rich and resounding laugh, filling the room. “Things have changed. Things have changed, Helorie, and you might not like it, but they have.”
Helorie realized that he could kill Dmitri very easily and take the throne for himself.
And of course, he remembered, that killing Dmitri was something he would never do.
“Oh. Are you?”
“Yes. Helorie, I want to start a family with her!”
Helorie does not understand this desire of Dmitri’s, or where it came from, or anything about it. Dmitri was content for forty years to be an eternal bachelor, and then this one woman, and he’s changed! “A family. Children.”
“A dynasty. Heirs for the throne, Helorie!”
“I believe you said you were giving the throne to me, Dmitri.”
And Dmitri laughed, and it was a rich and resounding laugh, filling the room. “Things have changed. Things have changed, Helorie, and you might not like it, but they have.”
Helorie realized that he could kill Dmitri very easily and take the throne for himself.
And of course, he remembered, that killing Dmitri was something he would never do.
Anya is outside the room and Grand Vizier Vimos is pacing inside. “It’s just for today, Helorie. I just need you to assess her, right? Tell us about her. We need to know what we’re dealing with.”
“Fine.” spits Helorie at last, though he’s not happy about it. His view of Anya has not changed since that night of Ekaterina’s coronation. Actually, the fact that she blew up a school kind of makes it worse. Accidentally. Oh. He’s sure. “Bring her in.”
Anya wheels herself in. She looks almost the same as the night he saw her last, but she’s a little older, face a little harsher. Oh, and there’s the magical energy that radiates from her. Her aura is palpable. Hot, almost, and fluid. “Hello, Great-Uncle Helorie.”
“Hello, Anya. Let’s cut to the chase. What happened at that school?”
Anya looks off into the distance. “Have you ever been so thoroughly humiliated that you can’t think of anything worse happening to you?”
“That is not the question I asked.”
“Have you ever been so embarrassed that you would do anything to escape it? Has your life ever seemed so hopeless, your emotions so high that you can’t control them anymore?”
Anya is not going to give him a straight answer, so Helorie decides to answer her question. “When I was alive. Yes.”
“Oh, that’s right, you’re a lich. So you wouldn’t really remember. But imagine the worst thing ever happening to you. Just imagine it, would you, great-uncle?”
“I don’t think that anything deserves the reaction you gave it.”
“But I didn’t react to it. Not consciously. The only thing I did was… let myself ride the wave. Feel what I was feeling. Not what I was expected to feel.”
“And what were you feeling when you destroyed the school?”
“Anger. Pain. Frustration. Loneliness.”
“Loneliness. You know, if you weren’t such a brat, maybe people would actually like you.”
“AND MAYBE IF YOU WEREN’T SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE, YOU’D ACTUALLY STILL HAVE A POSITION IN THE GOVERNMENT!” screamed Anya. “MAYBE IF ANYONE ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ME FOR ONCE RATHER THAN MY SISTER, I WOULDN’T HAVE ACCIDENTALLY BLOWN UP A SCHOOL!”
Helorie’s mind burns with the remnants of anger that lichdom still allows him. “And if I listened to you. What would you ask me to do?”
“At this point?” asks Anya. “I want you to take the emergency brakes off my wheelchair.”
“And why is that?”
“So I can finally fling myself down the great hall stairs and be done with it.”
It is silent for a long moment. “You want to kill yourself?”
“Oh. You don’t know that? Haven’t heard of the other times I’ve tried? Or have you? That damned Anya, always drawing attention to herself, trying to make us care about her. Best just to ignore her when she does something like that. That’ll let her know those little stunts won’t stir us.”
“How- how many times have you tried?”
“I don’t really know anymore.” says Anya. It is an obvious lie, but Helorie’s not going to push it. How many times? Helorie cannot comprehend suicide- he understands lowness, he understands emotional pain and suffering, and yet his fear of death is ultimate and endless, it is above all. He does not know if Anya shares this fear, but if she does, then she must have gotten so deep to overcome it and still wish to die.
Helorie moves a chair over and sits down across from Anya. “Have- have you talked to anyone about this? Like this? Like how we’re talking now?”
“After the third try… my mother and I got in a screaming fit about this. How I needed to stop. About how it was making me look bad. Making her look bad. That’s all she cares about. Everyone else just ignores me, or tells me that they’re going to ignore me. Nobody’s ever asked me about my actual problems.”
“Anya, I-” Helorie wants to grab Anya’s hands, do something comforting, but he can’t really think of what to do. “I suppose the only thing to say is that I’m sorry.”
“You- you really are?” Anya’s voice is soft now.
“Of course I am. I- I suppose I was a fool and believed your sister about everything. But- I’m usually good at telling when people are lying, and you’re telling me the truth right now. Well, I suppose you know that. That you’re telling the truth, not that I kn-” Helorie pauses. “Please, Anya, I want to know about your problems.”
“I’ve just… I’ve always felt like I’m weak and worthless, because I don’t have any magic or talents and nobody likes me. Everyone treats me differently because I can’t walk and because of all the things Ekaterina says about me. Even at school nobody liked me, I didn’t have any friends. I just… wish I could be someone important. Someone powerful. Someone who people look up to.”
Helorie moves his hands around and Anya pushes hers forward. Helorie grabs them. “Anya, I promise you, I will help you become the person you want to be. You are a mage, you have magic now, but even if you didn’t, magic is not the only power in this world.”
“Do-do you really mean it?”
“I do.” replies Helorie. “When we’re done, you’ll be a force to be reckoned with. Nobody will bully you ever again, not even your sister.”
Anya wraps her arms around Helorie, hugging him, and Helorie, after a moment, hugs back. The door opens, and Vimos enters with an elven woman. “Oh! Helorie, your services are not needed! We, um, what’s going on here?”
“I will be the Tsarevna’s tutor.” explains Helorie, pulling away. “I’ve decided.”
“Oh, no, I found Madam I-”
“I. Will be the Tsarenva’s tutor.” says Helorie again, locking eyes with Vimos, who glances casually away.
“But there’s so many things, I’m sure that-”
“And I will teach her them all. Our lessons will begin at once.”
“Fine.” spits Helorie at last, though he’s not happy about it. His view of Anya has not changed since that night of Ekaterina’s coronation. Actually, the fact that she blew up a school kind of makes it worse. Accidentally. Oh. He’s sure. “Bring her in.”
Anya wheels herself in. She looks almost the same as the night he saw her last, but she’s a little older, face a little harsher. Oh, and there’s the magical energy that radiates from her. Her aura is palpable. Hot, almost, and fluid. “Hello, Great-Uncle Helorie.”
“Hello, Anya. Let’s cut to the chase. What happened at that school?”
Anya looks off into the distance. “Have you ever been so thoroughly humiliated that you can’t think of anything worse happening to you?”
“That is not the question I asked.”
“Have you ever been so embarrassed that you would do anything to escape it? Has your life ever seemed so hopeless, your emotions so high that you can’t control them anymore?”
Anya is not going to give him a straight answer, so Helorie decides to answer her question. “When I was alive. Yes.”
“Oh, that’s right, you’re a lich. So you wouldn’t really remember. But imagine the worst thing ever happening to you. Just imagine it, would you, great-uncle?”
“I don’t think that anything deserves the reaction you gave it.”
“But I didn’t react to it. Not consciously. The only thing I did was… let myself ride the wave. Feel what I was feeling. Not what I was expected to feel.”
“And what were you feeling when you destroyed the school?”
“Anger. Pain. Frustration. Loneliness.”
“Loneliness. You know, if you weren’t such a brat, maybe people would actually like you.”
“AND MAYBE IF YOU WEREN’T SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE, YOU’D ACTUALLY STILL HAVE A POSITION IN THE GOVERNMENT!” screamed Anya. “MAYBE IF ANYONE ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ME FOR ONCE RATHER THAN MY SISTER, I WOULDN’T HAVE ACCIDENTALLY BLOWN UP A SCHOOL!”
Helorie’s mind burns with the remnants of anger that lichdom still allows him. “And if I listened to you. What would you ask me to do?”
“At this point?” asks Anya. “I want you to take the emergency brakes off my wheelchair.”
“And why is that?”
“So I can finally fling myself down the great hall stairs and be done with it.”
It is silent for a long moment. “You want to kill yourself?”
“Oh. You don’t know that? Haven’t heard of the other times I’ve tried? Or have you? That damned Anya, always drawing attention to herself, trying to make us care about her. Best just to ignore her when she does something like that. That’ll let her know those little stunts won’t stir us.”
“How- how many times have you tried?”
“I don’t really know anymore.” says Anya. It is an obvious lie, but Helorie’s not going to push it. How many times? Helorie cannot comprehend suicide- he understands lowness, he understands emotional pain and suffering, and yet his fear of death is ultimate and endless, it is above all. He does not know if Anya shares this fear, but if she does, then she must have gotten so deep to overcome it and still wish to die.
Helorie moves a chair over and sits down across from Anya. “Have- have you talked to anyone about this? Like this? Like how we’re talking now?”
“After the third try… my mother and I got in a screaming fit about this. How I needed to stop. About how it was making me look bad. Making her look bad. That’s all she cares about. Everyone else just ignores me, or tells me that they’re going to ignore me. Nobody’s ever asked me about my actual problems.”
“Anya, I-” Helorie wants to grab Anya’s hands, do something comforting, but he can’t really think of what to do. “I suppose the only thing to say is that I’m sorry.”
“You- you really are?” Anya’s voice is soft now.
“Of course I am. I- I suppose I was a fool and believed your sister about everything. But- I’m usually good at telling when people are lying, and you’re telling me the truth right now. Well, I suppose you know that. That you’re telling the truth, not that I kn-” Helorie pauses. “Please, Anya, I want to know about your problems.”
“I’ve just… I’ve always felt like I’m weak and worthless, because I don’t have any magic or talents and nobody likes me. Everyone treats me differently because I can’t walk and because of all the things Ekaterina says about me. Even at school nobody liked me, I didn’t have any friends. I just… wish I could be someone important. Someone powerful. Someone who people look up to.”
Helorie moves his hands around and Anya pushes hers forward. Helorie grabs them. “Anya, I promise you, I will help you become the person you want to be. You are a mage, you have magic now, but even if you didn’t, magic is not the only power in this world.”
“Do-do you really mean it?”
“I do.” replies Helorie. “When we’re done, you’ll be a force to be reckoned with. Nobody will bully you ever again, not even your sister.”
Anya wraps her arms around Helorie, hugging him, and Helorie, after a moment, hugs back. The door opens, and Vimos enters with an elven woman. “Oh! Helorie, your services are not needed! We, um, what’s going on here?”
“I will be the Tsarevna’s tutor.” explains Helorie, pulling away. “I’ve decided.”
“Oh, no, I found Madam I-”
“I. Will be the Tsarenva’s tutor.” says Helorie again, locking eyes with Vimos, who glances casually away.
“But there’s so many things, I’m sure that-”
“And I will teach her them all. Our lessons will begin at once.”
“I had a nice night!” said Nari, smiling, as she took Helorie underneath the arches. It was a beautiful autumn night, the moons waxing in the sky, pure and radiant. They were by the lake, underneath the arches covered in vines, near various shrubs and bushes and the like. Helorie couldn’t think of anything more romantic.
“Me too.” said Helorie. Nari leaned in for a kiss, and Helorie leans in as well, kissing her on her lips. It was wonderful. It was wet and warm and soft, and Helorie did not think that things could be the same after this, and there were people clapping and laughing. Helorie didn’t care, but Nari pulled away. There was a smirk on her face. “Alright, Ven, you owe me 30 gold!”
A half-elf emerged from behind one of the bushes and delivered a small satchel into Nari’s hands. “Wow, I didn’t really think you were going to do it, Nari!”
Nari wiped off her lips and spat on the grass. “It was gross, but I did it! Hey, Helorie, tell your brother that his date is-”
“I’m right here.” Yes, he was. Dmitri, still in his uniform despite the late hour, came out. “And you broke our agreement.”
“I went on a date with your brother, now you get to go on a date with me!”
“Yeah, but then you go and do this.”
“Dmitri. Nari. What’s going on?” Helorie is shaking slightly, but not enough for it to be really visible to anyone but Dmitri, who rests a hand on his shoulder.
“I.. know you like Nari, so I told her I’d go on a date with her if she’d just go on a date with you. But this is- I meant like a real, genuine date!”
“It was a real, genuine date. And I made 30 gold on it.”
“S-so you wouldn’t really want to go on a date with me?”
And Nari laughed (and Helorie wanted to die) “Of course not! Anyway, Dmitri, when do you want to go on our date?” asked Nari, pulling out a small calendar. “I’m free most next week.”
Dmitri’s violet eyes narrowed. He straightened up to his full six four height, and pressed his shoulders back. And he grabbed for the front of Nari’s robes and for one awful moment Helorie thought that Dmitri was going to hurt her.
“You do not fuck with my brother.” said Dmitri, slowly, carefully, a fine mist of spit flying from his mouth. He twisted his hands, and the robes knotted with them. “Ever.”
Later, they were walking back to their room. Helorie looked to the ground while he walked, and Dmitri still stood tall, a thousand years away. Helorie looked to his brother. “...why did you arrange that thing with Nari?”
“I thought she’d see that you’re a great guy and want to go on more dates with you and be your girlfriend.” said Dmitri, and Helorie could tell he was not lying. “I didn’t mean for it to end up like that.”
“It was a nice thought.” said Helorie. “But did you really think she would like me?”
“I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t love you, Helorie. I certainly do.”
“You do?”
Dmitri cocked his head. “You’re my brother, Helorie.” He grabbed Helorie’s arm by his wrist, and squeezed hard, compressing it, flesh spilling around his fingers. “Of course I do.”
“I love you too.” Helorie had known this all along but had never precisely said the words. It is refreshing to let it come out. Dmitri smiles, and Helorie feels somewhat better. Dmitri is here now, not away.
“I’m sorry things didn’t work out.”
“I know.”
By Moonday morning the story had spread around school. That afternoon Helorie spotted two of his professors whispering about it. And by the evening Helorie realized that his romantic prospects at this school were doomed forever.
“Me too.” said Helorie. Nari leaned in for a kiss, and Helorie leans in as well, kissing her on her lips. It was wonderful. It was wet and warm and soft, and Helorie did not think that things could be the same after this, and there were people clapping and laughing. Helorie didn’t care, but Nari pulled away. There was a smirk on her face. “Alright, Ven, you owe me 30 gold!”
A half-elf emerged from behind one of the bushes and delivered a small satchel into Nari’s hands. “Wow, I didn’t really think you were going to do it, Nari!”
Nari wiped off her lips and spat on the grass. “It was gross, but I did it! Hey, Helorie, tell your brother that his date is-”
“I’m right here.” Yes, he was. Dmitri, still in his uniform despite the late hour, came out. “And you broke our agreement.”
“I went on a date with your brother, now you get to go on a date with me!”
“Yeah, but then you go and do this.”
“Dmitri. Nari. What’s going on?” Helorie is shaking slightly, but not enough for it to be really visible to anyone but Dmitri, who rests a hand on his shoulder.
“I.. know you like Nari, so I told her I’d go on a date with her if she’d just go on a date with you. But this is- I meant like a real, genuine date!”
“It was a real, genuine date. And I made 30 gold on it.”
“S-so you wouldn’t really want to go on a date with me?”
And Nari laughed (and Helorie wanted to die) “Of course not! Anyway, Dmitri, when do you want to go on our date?” asked Nari, pulling out a small calendar. “I’m free most next week.”
Dmitri’s violet eyes narrowed. He straightened up to his full six four height, and pressed his shoulders back. And he grabbed for the front of Nari’s robes and for one awful moment Helorie thought that Dmitri was going to hurt her.
“You do not fuck with my brother.” said Dmitri, slowly, carefully, a fine mist of spit flying from his mouth. He twisted his hands, and the robes knotted with them. “Ever.”
Later, they were walking back to their room. Helorie looked to the ground while he walked, and Dmitri still stood tall, a thousand years away. Helorie looked to his brother. “...why did you arrange that thing with Nari?”
“I thought she’d see that you’re a great guy and want to go on more dates with you and be your girlfriend.” said Dmitri, and Helorie could tell he was not lying. “I didn’t mean for it to end up like that.”
“It was a nice thought.” said Helorie. “But did you really think she would like me?”
“I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t love you, Helorie. I certainly do.”
“You do?”
Dmitri cocked his head. “You’re my brother, Helorie.” He grabbed Helorie’s arm by his wrist, and squeezed hard, compressing it, flesh spilling around his fingers. “Of course I do.”
“I love you too.” Helorie had known this all along but had never precisely said the words. It is refreshing to let it come out. Dmitri smiles, and Helorie feels somewhat better. Dmitri is here now, not away.
“I’m sorry things didn’t work out.”
“I know.”
By Moonday morning the story had spread around school. That afternoon Helorie spotted two of his professors whispering about it. And by the evening Helorie realized that his romantic prospects at this school were doomed forever.
“Control,” says Helorie, “Is the key to all power. If you do not have control of yourself and your desires, you will never attain success. ...Unless you have someone to watch over you.”
“Someone to watch over you?” questions Anya. It is a bright summer afternoon in Helorie’s study. He has pulled the curtains back just for her, so she can enjoy the beautiful day. It is the first time he has done so in years.
“As I watched over your grandfather.” says Helorie with a nod. “The first part of control is knowing what you desire. You must have a strong grip on what you wish to achieve. What do you wish to achieve, Anya?”
“I want to be someone important. Someone powerful. And want my sister to pay for how she treated me.” Anya pauses. “What do you desire, Helorie?”
Helorie thinks of it for a second. “Mostly the same.”
Anya smiles at him and laughs. “But you’re already important and powerful, Great-Uncle.”
“Just call me Helorie, Anya.” replies Helorie. “And no, not anymore. Once I was the most powerful man in all Uldok. Well, your grandfather was, but who did he listen to, who was his most trusted advisor?”
“You.” replies Anya cheerily.
“Precisely. And who listens to me now?”
“Did you ever want to be Tsar?” asks Anya.
“Ever? I still would love to. I almost had the throne once, Anya. I never forget that.”
“I wish I could have the throne.” says Anya, looking out the window. “Is that bad to say?”
“Not at all. If you deny your desires, you will be unable to fulfill them successfully. Do you truly want the throne, Anya? Control of this entire nation, and the responsibility of it weighing down upon your shoulders?”
Anya thinks about it for a moment, and then nods. “Yes.” (It is refreshing to let it come out).
“Then that is where we will begin.”
“Someone to watch over you?” questions Anya. It is a bright summer afternoon in Helorie’s study. He has pulled the curtains back just for her, so she can enjoy the beautiful day. It is the first time he has done so in years.
“As I watched over your grandfather.” says Helorie with a nod. “The first part of control is knowing what you desire. You must have a strong grip on what you wish to achieve. What do you wish to achieve, Anya?”
“I want to be someone important. Someone powerful. And want my sister to pay for how she treated me.” Anya pauses. “What do you desire, Helorie?”
Helorie thinks of it for a second. “Mostly the same.”
Anya smiles at him and laughs. “But you’re already important and powerful, Great-Uncle.”
“Just call me Helorie, Anya.” replies Helorie. “And no, not anymore. Once I was the most powerful man in all Uldok. Well, your grandfather was, but who did he listen to, who was his most trusted advisor?”
“You.” replies Anya cheerily.
“Precisely. And who listens to me now?”
“Did you ever want to be Tsar?” asks Anya.
“Ever? I still would love to. I almost had the throne once, Anya. I never forget that.”
“I wish I could have the throne.” says Anya, looking out the window. “Is that bad to say?”
“Not at all. If you deny your desires, you will be unable to fulfill them successfully. Do you truly want the throne, Anya? Control of this entire nation, and the responsibility of it weighing down upon your shoulders?”
Anya thinks about it for a moment, and then nods. “Yes.” (It is refreshing to let it come out).
“Then that is where we will begin.”
There is pomp and pagentry, and Dmitri was in the center of it. Helorie had not realized how good of a Tsar Dmitri would make. He had realized, of course, that Dmitri was powerful and intelligent and charming enough for the job, but until he saw Dmitri in his robes and crown and carrying his scepter, he had not realized how good of a Tsar Dmitri would make.
That he now was.
Dmitri waved at the crowds, and Helorie was not far behind him, looking on at his brother in total admiration. The crowds cheered for their Tsar, their handsome, glorious cambion of a Tsar. Dmitri now approached two lines of soldiers, each holding the flag of the new Uldok- a stork with a shimmering eye like the one that now hung in the sky over Kirov, the one that Dmitri had told him was his own soul- and he walked between them, and up onto the stage. And Dmitri raised his arms, the arms Helorie had made for him (these were new ones, just for the coronation) and the people were silent. “My people. I promise that I will be the greatest Tsar who ever ruled Uldok. As the leader of our revolution I promised you freedom, prosperity, and education, and I will begin on these promises today! There will be an Uldok where all shall partake in the riches of our land, where all will be as learned as any scholar, and where all people will forever be free!”
And the crowd screamed, and cheered, and Helorie wished that he was Dmitri, yet again, yet another time in his life.
That he now was.
Dmitri waved at the crowds, and Helorie was not far behind him, looking on at his brother in total admiration. The crowds cheered for their Tsar, their handsome, glorious cambion of a Tsar. Dmitri now approached two lines of soldiers, each holding the flag of the new Uldok- a stork with a shimmering eye like the one that now hung in the sky over Kirov, the one that Dmitri had told him was his own soul- and he walked between them, and up onto the stage. And Dmitri raised his arms, the arms Helorie had made for him (these were new ones, just for the coronation) and the people were silent. “My people. I promise that I will be the greatest Tsar who ever ruled Uldok. As the leader of our revolution I promised you freedom, prosperity, and education, and I will begin on these promises today! There will be an Uldok where all shall partake in the riches of our land, where all will be as learned as any scholar, and where all people will forever be free!”
And the crowd screamed, and cheered, and Helorie wished that he was Dmitri, yet again, yet another time in his life.
Anya stared at her hand, where a shimmering violet orb was forming. “Alright, Anya, try to do something different with it. Try to do something new.”
Anya concentrated on the violet orb, but despite her greatest efforts it spun into three small ones and shot across the room, damaging the wall. “Damnit! Ugh, I’m not going to complain, but why’d I have to be a sorcerer?”
“Chaotic mages pay for their power and spontaneity with lessened flexibility. Or they’re Dmitri, and they have all of the benefits of both lawful and chaotic magic. Your grandfather just never cared about the laws of magic, really.”
Anya frowned. “If only there was a way I could also be a lawful mage. Have the benefits of both.”
“I could train you in what I do, the archivist’s art. Casting divine spells from your own power, without relying on any god to grant you that ability. It’s quite difficult, but I believe you have the magical foundation and training to do it, as well as the religious devotion that makes such a training easier to begin.”
“And then I’d have lawful divine magic? Helorie, I would love to learn that!” Anya smiled slightly, and Helorie hummed as he went to his shelves.
“Alright then, we’ll start right away. Three new books for your reading list. Though who knows how fast you’ll fly through them.”
Anya concentrated on the violet orb, but despite her greatest efforts it spun into three small ones and shot across the room, damaging the wall. “Damnit! Ugh, I’m not going to complain, but why’d I have to be a sorcerer?”
“Chaotic mages pay for their power and spontaneity with lessened flexibility. Or they’re Dmitri, and they have all of the benefits of both lawful and chaotic magic. Your grandfather just never cared about the laws of magic, really.”
Anya frowned. “If only there was a way I could also be a lawful mage. Have the benefits of both.”
“I could train you in what I do, the archivist’s art. Casting divine spells from your own power, without relying on any god to grant you that ability. It’s quite difficult, but I believe you have the magical foundation and training to do it, as well as the religious devotion that makes such a training easier to begin.”
“And then I’d have lawful divine magic? Helorie, I would love to learn that!” Anya smiled slightly, and Helorie hummed as he went to his shelves.
“Alright then, we’ll start right away. Three new books for your reading list. Though who knows how fast you’ll fly through them.”
Helorie’s mother pushed him forward. “Why don’t you play with some of the children, dearest?” Helorie did not want to play with any of these other children. Helorie wanted to be at home reading! But it was nicer than doing chores. Helorie wove through the other children, not very interested in any of them. Maybe he could find a nice corner and pull out his book before anyone noticed.
“You want to see something cool?” Helorie turned around to see a little dark-skinned boy, who was looking at a bunch of tops with his striking violet eyes.
“Sure!” said Helorie. He went over to look at what the little boy was doing. The other boy raised his hands and moved them just so, and the tops sprung to live and spun on their own. Sparks of blue and violet flew from them as they spun. Helorie was wowed by the display, and the boy smiled, and flung them up into the air. They still spun, though they were a half-foot above the table.
“Cool, huh!?”
“That’s so cool! Can you show me how to do that?”
The boy nodded his head. “It’s really easy. You just need to think really hard and concentrate on them and then you’ll feel like you’ve got a magic hand that’s turning them.”
Helorie looked at the tops. He wasn’t a wizard, but one day he was going to be one, and go on cool magical adventures, and have ultimate arcane power and have an army of magical constructs and all the sorts of things he read about in his books!! This had to be his first step in magical power. So he concentrated as hard as he could. Come on! He could do this! He could cast a real spell!
Helorie felt something in him reaching out and one of the tops started spinning. The other boy smiled widely and clapped his hands. “I knew you could do it! None of the others can. But you could!”
“What’s your name? I’m Helorie!”
“I’m Dmitri!”
“Oh, Helorie, dear!” It was Helorie’s mother again. “Did you meet a little friend?”
“Yup!” Helorie proudly exclaimed. “His name is Dmitri and he can do magic and he showed me how, too!”
Helorie’s mother looked fondly over Dmitri. “Dmitri, hmmm? Dmitri, how would you like to go home with us? You could live on a farm with us and be Helorie’s little brother.”
“I’m n-” Dmitri’s mouth opens and then shuts. He calculates. “I’d love to!”
“Then it’s settled.” says Helorie’s (and now Dmitri’s) mother happily. “I’ll go tell the monks right away.”
It will not be until years later that Dmitri admits that what he was going to say that day was “I’m not supposed to be adopted.” It is not a comment made of self-hate or low self esteem on Dmitri’s part. It is referring to the plots of the heavens above and hells below, which refer to a countless different things, like Anya’s magic and Dmitri’s wings, things that no mortal currently on this earth can fathom, save for the one who left his son alone with the other children of the orphanage for a day. Long enough to lose him.
“You want to see something cool?” Helorie turned around to see a little dark-skinned boy, who was looking at a bunch of tops with his striking violet eyes.
“Sure!” said Helorie. He went over to look at what the little boy was doing. The other boy raised his hands and moved them just so, and the tops sprung to live and spun on their own. Sparks of blue and violet flew from them as they spun. Helorie was wowed by the display, and the boy smiled, and flung them up into the air. They still spun, though they were a half-foot above the table.
“Cool, huh!?”
“That’s so cool! Can you show me how to do that?”
The boy nodded his head. “It’s really easy. You just need to think really hard and concentrate on them and then you’ll feel like you’ve got a magic hand that’s turning them.”
Helorie looked at the tops. He wasn’t a wizard, but one day he was going to be one, and go on cool magical adventures, and have ultimate arcane power and have an army of magical constructs and all the sorts of things he read about in his books!! This had to be his first step in magical power. So he concentrated as hard as he could. Come on! He could do this! He could cast a real spell!
Helorie felt something in him reaching out and one of the tops started spinning. The other boy smiled widely and clapped his hands. “I knew you could do it! None of the others can. But you could!”
“What’s your name? I’m Helorie!”
“I’m Dmitri!”
“Oh, Helorie, dear!” It was Helorie’s mother again. “Did you meet a little friend?”
“Yup!” Helorie proudly exclaimed. “His name is Dmitri and he can do magic and he showed me how, too!”
Helorie’s mother looked fondly over Dmitri. “Dmitri, hmmm? Dmitri, how would you like to go home with us? You could live on a farm with us and be Helorie’s little brother.”
“I’m n-” Dmitri’s mouth opens and then shuts. He calculates. “I’d love to!”
“Then it’s settled.” says Helorie’s (and now Dmitri’s) mother happily. “I’ll go tell the monks right away.”
It will not be until years later that Dmitri admits that what he was going to say that day was “I’m not supposed to be adopted.” It is not a comment made of self-hate or low self esteem on Dmitri’s part. It is referring to the plots of the heavens above and hells below, which refer to a countless different things, like Anya’s magic and Dmitri’s wings, things that no mortal currently on this earth can fathom, save for the one who left his son alone with the other children of the orphanage for a day. Long enough to lose him.
“I think that if we could levitate you in the air first, you could get enough space to definitely fly.” Anya’s wings almost flutter excitedly, and Helorie wonders how stiff they must be, unused for sixteen years.
Anya nods sharply. “It’s time to fly!”
Helorie reaches up and holds Anya in the air. It’s like she’s hovering, but Helorie holds her whole weight up in the air. She spreads her wings. They wings are so dark that they look black from a distance, but each feather, Helorie knows, is a single dark color, a rainbow of dimmed hues. She flaps them, testing. A wave of pleasure visibly goes through her. “Oh! They- they want to fly! Come on, Helorie, let’s go!”
And then Anya flies.
And Helorie has never seen her happier.
Anya flies for almost twenty minutes, and then she calls out to Helorie. “I’m coming back down! Help me back in my chair, okay?”
“Yup!” Anya flies down and Helorie grabs her again, swinging her back in her chair. There are tears rolling down her cheeks and Helorie cannot tell what they are from.
“Anya. A-are you alright?”
“Y-yes. I think. Just give me a minute.”
“As long as you need.”
Anya is quiet for a long time, and she is thinking, Helorie knows this. Finally, Anya says, “I wish I didn’t have to go back down.”
Anya nods sharply. “It’s time to fly!”
Helorie reaches up and holds Anya in the air. It’s like she’s hovering, but Helorie holds her whole weight up in the air. She spreads her wings. They wings are so dark that they look black from a distance, but each feather, Helorie knows, is a single dark color, a rainbow of dimmed hues. She flaps them, testing. A wave of pleasure visibly goes through her. “Oh! They- they want to fly! Come on, Helorie, let’s go!”
And then Anya flies.
And Helorie has never seen her happier.
Anya flies for almost twenty minutes, and then she calls out to Helorie. “I’m coming back down! Help me back in my chair, okay?”
“Yup!” Anya flies down and Helorie grabs her again, swinging her back in her chair. There are tears rolling down her cheeks and Helorie cannot tell what they are from.
“Anya. A-are you alright?”
“Y-yes. I think. Just give me a minute.”
“As long as you need.”
Anya is quiet for a long time, and she is thinking, Helorie knows this. Finally, Anya says, “I wish I didn’t have to go back down.”
There was a skirmish in this town between the rebels and the Tsar’s forces, and Dmitri, though his magic easily ended the conflict for their side, is badly wounded. But Helorie had finally gotten regenerative magic, and though they wouldn’t return his arms and legs, those were too far gone to ever come back, it would at least clean up his messy organs and all the cuts on his sides.
Dmitri’s robes were strewn to the side of the tent, and Helorie touched his brother’s back, examining the scars. Dmitri had so many, including the main two he’d always had, the ones on his back, that he’d had since childhood. Helorie prepared the magic, charged his hands, and stroked Dmitri’s back.
Then it all started to go strange (but when were things around Dmitri ever normal?) The wind blew open the flaps of the tent, and a phalanx of storks swooped down from the sky, led by a pure black bird. Dmitri stared at them, a look of admiration in his eyes. He loved storks. They were such beautiful birds.
The black stork approached Dmitri, and wordlessly she said to him (though Helorie could hear as well), My son. Know that I look upon your deeds and smile, as I am well pleased. You fight tirelessly against the forces of Aaia, and for this, I give you back your wings.
And Dmitri’s two long back scars grew and flexed and became long masses of flesh, and the storks flew around Dmitri, and Helorie stepped the hell back as they flew around his brother, and then the storks all took flight at once and flew out of the tent. Helorie looked wordlessly in wonder at his brother, because now, on his back, he had a perfect, storklike, pair of wings.
Dmitri’s robes were strewn to the side of the tent, and Helorie touched his brother’s back, examining the scars. Dmitri had so many, including the main two he’d always had, the ones on his back, that he’d had since childhood. Helorie prepared the magic, charged his hands, and stroked Dmitri’s back.
Then it all started to go strange (but when were things around Dmitri ever normal?) The wind blew open the flaps of the tent, and a phalanx of storks swooped down from the sky, led by a pure black bird. Dmitri stared at them, a look of admiration in his eyes. He loved storks. They were such beautiful birds.
The black stork approached Dmitri, and wordlessly she said to him (though Helorie could hear as well), My son. Know that I look upon your deeds and smile, as I am well pleased. You fight tirelessly against the forces of Aaia, and for this, I give you back your wings.
And Dmitri’s two long back scars grew and flexed and became long masses of flesh, and the storks flew around Dmitri, and Helorie stepped the hell back as they flew around his brother, and then the storks all took flight at once and flew out of the tent. Helorie looked wordlessly in wonder at his brother, because now, on his back, he had a perfect, storklike, pair of wings.
Anya and Helorie have spent months working on her leg prosthetics. And now they are complete. They surround Anya’s natural legs, but give them knees, of sorts, and feet, and support her. They are magical, and will move with her body. But now it is finally time to best them out.
Helorie helps Anya with the backs of them, while Anya does the straps in the front and all the fixing and then, finally, they are on, and they are complete. Anya looks, right now, like she is simply wearing very strange metal shoes.
Anya looks to Helorie, and smiles distantly. “Well. I suppose here goes nothing.”
And Anya gets up. She puts one foot on the ground. And then the cane, which she will need for at least the first few months. And then the other foot. And then she picks up one foot, and a look of pain crosses her face. And then she puts it down. And she moves the cane. And then she picks up the other foot. and puts it down. Pain again.
“D-does it usually hurt so much?” asks Anya.
“It’s not supposed to hurt at all, Anya.” Helorie looks worridly at her. “We can fix them. Make them not hurt. There’s something we can do.”
Anya looks to the ground. “But I can walk.”
“Yes, Anya. You can. But if it hurts, then-”
“I don’t care.” And Helorie knows that there is nothing in this world, or any other, can change Anya’s mind.
Helorie helps Anya with the backs of them, while Anya does the straps in the front and all the fixing and then, finally, they are on, and they are complete. Anya looks, right now, like she is simply wearing very strange metal shoes.
Anya looks to Helorie, and smiles distantly. “Well. I suppose here goes nothing.”
And Anya gets up. She puts one foot on the ground. And then the cane, which she will need for at least the first few months. And then the other foot. And then she picks up one foot, and a look of pain crosses her face. And then she puts it down. And she moves the cane. And then she picks up the other foot. and puts it down. Pain again.
“D-does it usually hurt so much?” asks Anya.
“It’s not supposed to hurt at all, Anya.” Helorie looks worridly at her. “We can fix them. Make them not hurt. There’s something we can do.”
Anya looks to the ground. “But I can walk.”
“Yes, Anya. You can. But if it hurts, then-”
“I don’t care.” And Helorie knows that there is nothing in this world, or any other, can change Anya’s mind.
Helorie props up his brother’s limp body as he attaches the last arm. So Dmitri had arms and legs again now. But would he respond? Or would he just lie there like he had done the last year, unmoving, so seemingly unfeeling? Helorie looked Dmitri over, willing him to move. Come on, Dmitri, do anything! Prove to me you’re still alive on the inside!
But Dmitri didn’t move, and Helorie tried his best not to cry. Why did he think that he’d just be fine with his arms and legs, why did he think that they would somehow heal him? He couldn’t be here anymore. He had go to away, talk to Natsya, tell her she was right.
Helorie turned to the door, and reached out to open it, but was stopped. “Helorie. What the hell have we been doing here so long? We need to go.”
“Dmitri.” said Helorie, something rising up in his voice, and turned around to see his brother standing up, pulling on his outer jacket. “Dmitri, you’re-”
“God, this place is a dump. Come on, Helorie, time to leave, we’re going on the road.”
“But Natsya, I have to-”
“Helorie. We’re leaving. And that’s final.”
And Helorie thinks of the life has has here, and the woman who… loves?.. and then he thinks of Dmitri, and what Dmitri has had here, and the pain he’s gone through, and everything, and he simply just nods and lets Dmitri help him pack his things, and then they are gone.
And Helorie never sees Natsya again.
But Dmitri didn’t move, and Helorie tried his best not to cry. Why did he think that he’d just be fine with his arms and legs, why did he think that they would somehow heal him? He couldn’t be here anymore. He had go to away, talk to Natsya, tell her she was right.
Helorie turned to the door, and reached out to open it, but was stopped. “Helorie. What the hell have we been doing here so long? We need to go.”
“Dmitri.” said Helorie, something rising up in his voice, and turned around to see his brother standing up, pulling on his outer jacket. “Dmitri, you’re-”
“God, this place is a dump. Come on, Helorie, time to leave, we’re going on the road.”
“But Natsya, I have to-”
“Helorie. We’re leaving. And that’s final.”
And Helorie thinks of the life has has here, and the woman who… loves?.. and then he thinks of Dmitri, and what Dmitri has had here, and the pain he’s gone through, and everything, and he simply just nods and lets Dmitri help him pack his things, and then they are gone.
And Helorie never sees Natsya again.
Author's Note: And now we enter the era of the long-form stories. Novae is the first, but soon to come is Jiro Story, and at the end of the year, World of Darkness Story.
At the time of author noting, Novae is the only one to be completed, although World of Darkness story is close, and there was a period in my life where I seriously considered publishing Novae. The major problems with Novae are that 1. Helorie's attempted murder of Dmitri happens very early on in the story, and remains unchallenged until much further in the story, making it seem as if I support what Helorie is doing, 2. It is incredibly confusing for someone who does not know the basic story of these two characters or the universe in question and that 3. In the end, Anya becomes the Universe.
Anya becomes the universe makes total sense for Anya, but the details of why it does are not in this story nor could they be in this story. This is the story of Anya and Helorie, not of Esfir and the portents she received and the burden that she carried and how Anya was directly responsible in her own self being born. And being the universe puts an odd spin on the discussion of disability written into this story.
But let's keep in mind- when Anya becomes a giant snake woman, she can never walk again. She can permanently move on her own (though she could already do so through magic) but she retains some difficulties with movement despite the fact she is the universe.
Anyway I've been rambling for too long.
Word Count: 5170 Words
Date: June 22nd, 2015
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