CW: Suicide, talk of "mercy killings"
Anya thinks of the first time she first realized her feelings for Helorie. It was a cool spring day after midterms junior year. Forfax and Mehtap had just started dating, and the three of them had a picnic on one of the green spaces of the campus. Anya was watching them be their cute, adorable couple self. (Even before they were an official couple, they were so obviously a couple) She wondered, idly, if she would ever have anything like that- want anything like that- and Helorie instantly came to mind. At first, she didn’t know why. Was he really only the single guy she knew? But as she thought about it some more, it became clear.
Who had been the first person to be there for her? Helorie. Who was the first person to care about her? Helorie. Who had helped her become the person she had become? Helorie.
Who always told her she needed to know what she wanted and become the answer to the question himself?
And so, Anya’s life goals subtly shifted. It wasn’t that the throne of Uldok would mean nothing if Helorie was not by her side, but that what she truly desired now was that throne and a matching one by her side, and Helorie upon it, her co-ruler and her Tsar, two stars orbiting around each other into infinity.
Who had been the first person to be there for her? Helorie. Who was the first person to care about her? Helorie. Who had helped her become the person she had become? Helorie.
Who always told her she needed to know what she wanted and become the answer to the question himself?
And so, Anya’s life goals subtly shifted. It wasn’t that the throne of Uldok would mean nothing if Helorie was not by her side, but that what she truly desired now was that throne and a matching one by her side, and Helorie upon it, her co-ruler and her Tsar, two stars orbiting around each other into infinity.
Helorie opend the door to his apartment to Natsya, and the woman walked in. “Wow, what a dump.” she comments casually. “Hel, I thought you’d keep things neater in here.”
“It’s too small for two people.” replied Helorie, picking things off of one table and putting them on another table. “I have all of Dmitri’s things and my things.”
Natsya wandered over to the bed where Dmitri lay, fast asleep. “So this is the famous Dmitri, huh? You know, I imagined him a lot more…” Natsya looks from Helorie to Dmitri and Dmitri to Helorie. “He looks nothing like you.”
“He’s adopted.” replied Helorie.
“What, so you’re doing all this for just your adopted brother?”
Helorie raised an eyebrow. “He’s not just my adopted brother. I mean, he is adopted, but he’s been my brother for almost my whole entire life. I don’t think I’d be any closer to him if he was my biological sibling. He’s Dmitri. And let’s not talk about him like he’s not here. Anyway, let’s eat.”
Natsya and Helorie sat down to eat. There was soft, crunchy bread and beef stew, brought from Natsya’s home. “Hel. There’s a reason I asked you to bring me here.”
“Yes. I’m aware.” Helorie looked away. Gods, this would be embarrasing if he was wrong. “We… we have feelings for each other, don’t we?”
“Oh, Helorie, of course we do, you dunce.”
Helorie dipped his bread in his soup and smiled. Natsya reached for his hand and he put the bread down. “I… I think I’d like a relationship between us. We are good friends, and we have mutual interests, and-”
“Do you always have to make things so technical?” asked Natsya.
“This is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this. The first time anyone’s actually been… interested in me. Natsya, I-”
“Yeah, well you don’t have to make things so… so cold. So sterile.”
“I’m sorry.” replied Helorie. “It’s the only way I can do things.”
Helorie realizes, later that night, lying by Natsya’s side, that he cannot picture a life with Natsya and Dmitri in it, that he cannot picture his brother and lover in the same universe. Talking. Arguing? Fighting? Being friends?
He looks to Dmitri, on the bed over, still and motionless in the night, and Natsya grabs Helorie’s arm, curling into him.
“It’s too small for two people.” replied Helorie, picking things off of one table and putting them on another table. “I have all of Dmitri’s things and my things.”
Natsya wandered over to the bed where Dmitri lay, fast asleep. “So this is the famous Dmitri, huh? You know, I imagined him a lot more…” Natsya looks from Helorie to Dmitri and Dmitri to Helorie. “He looks nothing like you.”
“He’s adopted.” replied Helorie.
“What, so you’re doing all this for just your adopted brother?”
Helorie raised an eyebrow. “He’s not just my adopted brother. I mean, he is adopted, but he’s been my brother for almost my whole entire life. I don’t think I’d be any closer to him if he was my biological sibling. He’s Dmitri. And let’s not talk about him like he’s not here. Anyway, let’s eat.”
Natsya and Helorie sat down to eat. There was soft, crunchy bread and beef stew, brought from Natsya’s home. “Hel. There’s a reason I asked you to bring me here.”
“Yes. I’m aware.” Helorie looked away. Gods, this would be embarrasing if he was wrong. “We… we have feelings for each other, don’t we?”
“Oh, Helorie, of course we do, you dunce.”
Helorie dipped his bread in his soup and smiled. Natsya reached for his hand and he put the bread down. “I… I think I’d like a relationship between us. We are good friends, and we have mutual interests, and-”
“Do you always have to make things so technical?” asked Natsya.
“This is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this. The first time anyone’s actually been… interested in me. Natsya, I-”
“Yeah, well you don’t have to make things so… so cold. So sterile.”
“I’m sorry.” replied Helorie. “It’s the only way I can do things.”
Helorie realizes, later that night, lying by Natsya’s side, that he cannot picture a life with Natsya and Dmitri in it, that he cannot picture his brother and lover in the same universe. Talking. Arguing? Fighting? Being friends?
He looks to Dmitri, on the bed over, still and motionless in the night, and Natsya grabs Helorie’s arm, curling into him.
Ekaterina’s graduation from the University of Kirov is less of a party than Anya’s, since for her there was a greater honor still. Yes, Ekaterina will soon be the Tsaritsa. Esfir is stepping down from the throne on the 300th anniversary of her reign to let Ekaterina take the throne. It isn’t really that Esfir thought that Ekaterina was ready, but rather that Esfir is tired. Tired of ruling. Anya cannot comprehend how her mother will be tired of such a thing, but she supposes that when it is her time, she will be ready too to give up her throne to her heir. Maybe after a few millennia of rule, perhaps, she’ll be ready to be like her mother and give up.
Anya adjusts herself in the mirror as she prepares for the coronation. She adjusts her corset magically, letting it relax a little and adjusting her bodice. Anya has accepted that she will never be thin, not with her body type and diet and the fact that it is nearly impossible for her to exercise without her prosthetics causing her pain, but that’s fine. She’s not Ekaterina, thin and light, or her mother, muscular, an athlete. Nobody would claim Anya wasn’t gorgeous.
Anya puts on the other parts of the outfit as she thought about which of her suitors she’d pay attention to at the coronation. Helorie is still the man who she wants, but there are other things that they can be useful for at the moment. Practice with dating and flirting and all sorts of relationship things, her public persona (Anya, the beautiful, powerful older sister of the Tsaritsa), and, well…. Anya is a young woman, with all the desires and needs that an organic state brings. Certain sorceries and magical items can only do so much. Plus, Helorie’s no virgin- Arianna is proof of that- so why should she be so inexperienced?
Anya, fully dressed, hears a knock at her door. “Anya. It’s me.” She goes to open the door for Helorie, who is dressed in an official military uniform. “Why, you’re certainly ready for the coorination. Wait-” Helorie tucks a strand of hair behind Anya’s tiara. “There. perfect. Let’s go.”
Anya adjusts herself in the mirror as she prepares for the coronation. She adjusts her corset magically, letting it relax a little and adjusting her bodice. Anya has accepted that she will never be thin, not with her body type and diet and the fact that it is nearly impossible for her to exercise without her prosthetics causing her pain, but that’s fine. She’s not Ekaterina, thin and light, or her mother, muscular, an athlete. Nobody would claim Anya wasn’t gorgeous.
Anya puts on the other parts of the outfit as she thought about which of her suitors she’d pay attention to at the coronation. Helorie is still the man who she wants, but there are other things that they can be useful for at the moment. Practice with dating and flirting and all sorts of relationship things, her public persona (Anya, the beautiful, powerful older sister of the Tsaritsa), and, well…. Anya is a young woman, with all the desires and needs that an organic state brings. Certain sorceries and magical items can only do so much. Plus, Helorie’s no virgin- Arianna is proof of that- so why should she be so inexperienced?
Anya, fully dressed, hears a knock at her door. “Anya. It’s me.” She goes to open the door for Helorie, who is dressed in an official military uniform. “Why, you’re certainly ready for the coorination. Wait-” Helorie tucks a strand of hair behind Anya’s tiara. “There. perfect. Let’s go.”
Helorie finished feeding Dmitri for the night, and Natsya let out a sigh of relief. “Hooray, he’s fed, now he won’t die. Come on, Hel. I’ve been waiting for you.”
Helorie undid his tunic and placed it neatly on a chair. “I wish you wouldn’t talk about my brother like that, you know. He’s the most important person to me.”
Natsya stopped lifting her tunic, letting it drop. “He’s the most important person to you?”
“He’s my brother. I- I love him. He’s family, Natsya, you understand.”
“No, I don’t. Helorie, I’m your girlfriend. Shouldn’t I be the most important person to you? Shouldn’t you love me more than-” Natsya thrustted her arms at Dmitri. “that?!”
“That is my brother! Dmitri is a person! Okay, he’s not responding right now, but he’s… probably traumatized by what he’s been through!”
“Helorie, you’re living in a dream. That used to be your brother, okay, I understand you have an attachment because of that, but….”
“Don’t talk like that! Don’t- Don’t you ever talk about Dmitri like that!”
Natsya patted down her tunic and grabbed her bag. “Helorie, I don’t think that- I’m going to home for tonight, okay? I don’t know if this can work though, if you keep putting a person who hasn’t responded to you in almost a year, a person who may not even be there, before me, your living, breathing, talking, caring, girlfriend!”
Natsya left, slamming the door, and Helorie glared at Dmitri, whose expression had not changed. “Why… why are you doing this to me? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!?”
Helorie glared at Dmitri, wanting to screech, wanting to cry. “Why- why can’t you just respond to me. Just do something. Let me know you’re here! Let me know I made the right choice. I- I love you, Dmitri, you’re my brother, you’re everything to me, why can’t you- WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DO THIS ONE THING TO ME?!”
But despite Helorie’s rages, Dmitri did not respond. He never did.
Helorie undid his tunic and placed it neatly on a chair. “I wish you wouldn’t talk about my brother like that, you know. He’s the most important person to me.”
Natsya stopped lifting her tunic, letting it drop. “He’s the most important person to you?”
“He’s my brother. I- I love him. He’s family, Natsya, you understand.”
“No, I don’t. Helorie, I’m your girlfriend. Shouldn’t I be the most important person to you? Shouldn’t you love me more than-” Natsya thrustted her arms at Dmitri. “that?!”
“That is my brother! Dmitri is a person! Okay, he’s not responding right now, but he’s… probably traumatized by what he’s been through!”
“Helorie, you’re living in a dream. That used to be your brother, okay, I understand you have an attachment because of that, but….”
“Don’t talk like that! Don’t- Don’t you ever talk about Dmitri like that!”
Natsya patted down her tunic and grabbed her bag. “Helorie, I don’t think that- I’m going to home for tonight, okay? I don’t know if this can work though, if you keep putting a person who hasn’t responded to you in almost a year, a person who may not even be there, before me, your living, breathing, talking, caring, girlfriend!”
Natsya left, slamming the door, and Helorie glared at Dmitri, whose expression had not changed. “Why… why are you doing this to me? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!?”
Helorie glared at Dmitri, wanting to screech, wanting to cry. “Why- why can’t you just respond to me. Just do something. Let me know you’re here! Let me know I made the right choice. I- I love you, Dmitri, you’re my brother, you’re everything to me, why can’t you- WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DO THIS ONE THING TO ME?!”
But despite Helorie’s rages, Dmitri did not respond. He never did.
“Right, here we go, new prosthetics.” Anya takes off her old ones and Helorie helps her put on her new ones. Anya gets her cane, which she still always needs when she’s starting out with new ones (but never uses in public, no no no never) and rises to her feet. “Alright, Anya, try them out. Hopefully these will be painfree!”
But they aren’t. “Nope.” says Anya, collapsing onto a couch. “I think we need to give up the dream of pain-free prosthetics.”
Helorie plops onto a chair close to the couch. “Then Anya, what are we going to do? I- I don’t want you to be in pain.”
The young woman simply sticks her legs up in the air, waving them back and forth. “We’ll get the crown, destroy the stigma towards wheelchair users, and then I’ll ride around in the world’s fanciest wheelchair of all time. It’ll have a cupholder and I think it will maybe just float above the ground, no wheels.”
“Will it actually be a wheelchair then?”
Anya shrugs. “The concept will be basically a wheelchair. Oh, and when I want to fly it will let me get into position for that and catch me when I want to land. Really it will be ultra advanced.”
“What about teleportation?” teases Helorie. “Oh, and storage space?”
“I’ll expect a blueprint drawn up before next Moonday.” replies Anya, smiling. “I might just use it to get around in my private quarters, after all.”
Anya does have more spacious private quarters now that Ekaterina is Tsaritsa and has moved into the Imperial Suite. She has the room right across from Helorie’s never-used bedroom and private library, a suite with a bedroom, bathroom, spacious closet and personal study and library. Not as big of a library as she would like, but she can always visit Helorie’s collection or one of the palace’s main libraries for most of the books she needs. It’d be nice to have something for personal use when she’s not wearing the prosthetics, like for transferring into and out of the bath or when she has to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.
“Alright, I’ll work on that. What are you working on, Anya?”
“My True Transformation.”
True Transformation is a spell Anya has been working on since her college days. She originally had planned to use it as her honors thesis, but when she ran into snags she managed to polish off a different spell and perfect it (and a gods know how long essay on it) instead. Ever since her failed attempts at the academy she’s been obsessed with transmutation, she supposes. It’s also the school of magic that Helorie is an expert in, so there’s that as well. Anya could turn an apple into a pineapple, orange, or giant fire-breathing monster to devour cruel teachers alive.
But they aren’t. “Nope.” says Anya, collapsing onto a couch. “I think we need to give up the dream of pain-free prosthetics.”
Helorie plops onto a chair close to the couch. “Then Anya, what are we going to do? I- I don’t want you to be in pain.”
The young woman simply sticks her legs up in the air, waving them back and forth. “We’ll get the crown, destroy the stigma towards wheelchair users, and then I’ll ride around in the world’s fanciest wheelchair of all time. It’ll have a cupholder and I think it will maybe just float above the ground, no wheels.”
“Will it actually be a wheelchair then?”
Anya shrugs. “The concept will be basically a wheelchair. Oh, and when I want to fly it will let me get into position for that and catch me when I want to land. Really it will be ultra advanced.”
“What about teleportation?” teases Helorie. “Oh, and storage space?”
“I’ll expect a blueprint drawn up before next Moonday.” replies Anya, smiling. “I might just use it to get around in my private quarters, after all.”
Anya does have more spacious private quarters now that Ekaterina is Tsaritsa and has moved into the Imperial Suite. She has the room right across from Helorie’s never-used bedroom and private library, a suite with a bedroom, bathroom, spacious closet and personal study and library. Not as big of a library as she would like, but she can always visit Helorie’s collection or one of the palace’s main libraries for most of the books she needs. It’d be nice to have something for personal use when she’s not wearing the prosthetics, like for transferring into and out of the bath or when she has to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.
“Alright, I’ll work on that. What are you working on, Anya?”
“My True Transformation.”
True Transformation is a spell Anya has been working on since her college days. She originally had planned to use it as her honors thesis, but when she ran into snags she managed to polish off a different spell and perfect it (and a gods know how long essay on it) instead. Ever since her failed attempts at the academy she’s been obsessed with transmutation, she supposes. It’s also the school of magic that Helorie is an expert in, so there’s that as well. Anya could turn an apple into a pineapple, orange, or giant fire-breathing monster to devour cruel teachers alive.
Professor Tibling, a small, exciteable gnome clapped wildly as Dmitri demonstrated yet another spell perfectly. The tiny picture of a mage in the textbook, legs crossed, left one forward, arms in an X formation above his head was the exact double of Dmitri, and the rings of fire that shot forth from the X were also flawless, each perfectly round, made of fire and fire only, and destroyed the summoned creature target instantly. “Alright, Mr Alkavov, er, young Mr. Alkavov, that’s yet again a perfect 10 out of 10! Were it legal, I would give you an eleven out of ten for your truly tremendous form and technique! Alright, Jilson, you’re up next!”
Jilson came to the stand, crossing his right leg in front of his left, stepping forward with that one as he made a vague sort of wobbly X. When nothing happened, he stepped forward a little more, willing the magic to come. “Come on magic, let’s-” The whole class giggled as Jilson tripped, giant beams of water shooting forth as he falls to the ground and hitting the summoned monster target, also hysterically laughing.
“2 out of 10, Jilson! You really need to practice more. Older Mr. Alkavov! Please demonstrate the technique!”
Helorie got up on the stand, left foot forward and crossed, arms in the X, chanting the words that would summon the fire rings. The rings appeared, the right amount and shape, but the last one was a little wobby as it went through the creature, just barely letting it survive. Helorie sighs, but Professor Tibling proclaimed, “9 out of 10! Nearly perfect, and much better than most of the students in the class! You’ve got your stance a little too wide, words came out a little too fast, try to improve for next time, alright!?”
The bells rang and Tibling sighed. “Alright, class, if you haven’t been examined yet and you don’t have another class after this, stay after, otherwise make an appointment with me for your final. Good luck!”
Dmitri yawned casually and stretched as he walked out onto campus, a bright shining day. “How did you feel about that exam, huh? C A K E!”
Helorie rolled his eyes. “Don’t mock me. You know I was up until gods know how many hours last night, practicing all the different forms. I wonder why Professor Tibling did a fire spell on the final. He seems far more interested in ice magic himself.”
Dmitri shrugged. “Guess he thought it would be too obvious from him. Come on, let’s go get lunch. You know I am star-ving.”
The pair entered the lunch room, an instantly recognizable duo. Dmitri for his reputation as a prodigy, an amazing mage, as well as his stunningly good looks, Helorie as that guy whose first kiss happened because a girl was bet she couldn’t kiss him. Jilson ran to Dmitri and Helorie. “Wow! Dmitri! You were amazing on the final! 10 out of 10! Nobody else got that great! What’s your secret?”
“There is no secret.” said Dmitri, flipping his hair dramatically. It was kind of a pointless gesture because had short hair, but Jilson was still in awe. “I’m just naturally that good. When I think of fire in rings, it’s instinctual to me that you’d cross your legs, left in front, and make an X above your head. How else would the fire flow through you and form those perfect ring shapes? Okay, your arms are the same length, right? So when you cross them above your head all your joints have to be lined up. And then….” Dmitri was going to go on blabbering to an awed Jilson (who Helorie knew had a crush on Dmitri) for who knows how long, so Helorie simply went to the area with all the foods. The cafeteria worker smiled at Helorie.
“Getting a plate for your brother again, Helorie?”
“Yup.” Helorie glanced back at Dmitri and Jilson, who were practicing the Xs, Dmitri’s perfect as always, Jilson’s vaguely crooked. “Can you heat it up a little? Dmitri will make me get another one if his food isn’t warm.”
“Can do, Helorie. Have a nice day.”
“Thanks, you too.” Helorie brought the plates, each with a nice piece of turkey, bread with butter, green beans and various cheeses to the plate. Putting Dmitri’s next to him, he reached into his bookbag, pulled out a copy of “Self-Transformation For The Adept Mage” and began to read. Who knew when Dmitri would actually get around to eating?
Jilson came to the stand, crossing his right leg in front of his left, stepping forward with that one as he made a vague sort of wobbly X. When nothing happened, he stepped forward a little more, willing the magic to come. “Come on magic, let’s-” The whole class giggled as Jilson tripped, giant beams of water shooting forth as he falls to the ground and hitting the summoned monster target, also hysterically laughing.
“2 out of 10, Jilson! You really need to practice more. Older Mr. Alkavov! Please demonstrate the technique!”
Helorie got up on the stand, left foot forward and crossed, arms in the X, chanting the words that would summon the fire rings. The rings appeared, the right amount and shape, but the last one was a little wobby as it went through the creature, just barely letting it survive. Helorie sighs, but Professor Tibling proclaimed, “9 out of 10! Nearly perfect, and much better than most of the students in the class! You’ve got your stance a little too wide, words came out a little too fast, try to improve for next time, alright!?”
The bells rang and Tibling sighed. “Alright, class, if you haven’t been examined yet and you don’t have another class after this, stay after, otherwise make an appointment with me for your final. Good luck!”
Dmitri yawned casually and stretched as he walked out onto campus, a bright shining day. “How did you feel about that exam, huh? C A K E!”
Helorie rolled his eyes. “Don’t mock me. You know I was up until gods know how many hours last night, practicing all the different forms. I wonder why Professor Tibling did a fire spell on the final. He seems far more interested in ice magic himself.”
Dmitri shrugged. “Guess he thought it would be too obvious from him. Come on, let’s go get lunch. You know I am star-ving.”
The pair entered the lunch room, an instantly recognizable duo. Dmitri for his reputation as a prodigy, an amazing mage, as well as his stunningly good looks, Helorie as that guy whose first kiss happened because a girl was bet she couldn’t kiss him. Jilson ran to Dmitri and Helorie. “Wow! Dmitri! You were amazing on the final! 10 out of 10! Nobody else got that great! What’s your secret?”
“There is no secret.” said Dmitri, flipping his hair dramatically. It was kind of a pointless gesture because had short hair, but Jilson was still in awe. “I’m just naturally that good. When I think of fire in rings, it’s instinctual to me that you’d cross your legs, left in front, and make an X above your head. How else would the fire flow through you and form those perfect ring shapes? Okay, your arms are the same length, right? So when you cross them above your head all your joints have to be lined up. And then….” Dmitri was going to go on blabbering to an awed Jilson (who Helorie knew had a crush on Dmitri) for who knows how long, so Helorie simply went to the area with all the foods. The cafeteria worker smiled at Helorie.
“Getting a plate for your brother again, Helorie?”
“Yup.” Helorie glanced back at Dmitri and Jilson, who were practicing the Xs, Dmitri’s perfect as always, Jilson’s vaguely crooked. “Can you heat it up a little? Dmitri will make me get another one if his food isn’t warm.”
“Can do, Helorie. Have a nice day.”
“Thanks, you too.” Helorie brought the plates, each with a nice piece of turkey, bread with butter, green beans and various cheeses to the plate. Putting Dmitri’s next to him, he reached into his bookbag, pulled out a copy of “Self-Transformation For The Adept Mage” and began to read. Who knew when Dmitri would actually get around to eating?
Anya can not concentrate on her spell writing with Viktor around. When Viktor is even in her mind. Why did she decide to have a full-time boyfriend? Viktor is impossible. One would think a vampire would be unconcerned with carnal needs, but no, he’s even more fixated with them.
“Come my Anya, back to your sleep.” says Viktor. “I will stroke your face lovingly and watch you as you slumber.”
“How about this Viktor, I will stay up and you will stroke my face lovingly now? I think that would end up better. More efficent.” Anya was going to stay up all night anyway, working on this spell, and frankly she wished there was a polite way to say “I would like to have sex with you, but then I would like you to go home afterwards so I can be productive.” Also, “Stop calling me your Anya.” Anya was nobody’s Anya but her own.
Viktor pouts. “But it will not be as romantic.”
“I promise you, I will appreciate it a lot more.”
Viktor goes over and begins stroking Anya’s cheek. It is actually pretty annoying. Anya wonders what Helorie would be doing right now, if he was here instead. Probably making suggestions, bouncing around ideas, or working on his own projects beside her. Hm. Is Helorie still awake?
Anya resists the urge to contact Helorie and instead continues writing the spell. If she tries really hard, she can pretend that Viktor was a gentle breeze. A breeze that keep whispering creepy things that Anya assumes are supposed to be romantic instead. Yes. That sort of breeze.
“Come my Anya, back to your sleep.” says Viktor. “I will stroke your face lovingly and watch you as you slumber.”
“How about this Viktor, I will stay up and you will stroke my face lovingly now? I think that would end up better. More efficent.” Anya was going to stay up all night anyway, working on this spell, and frankly she wished there was a polite way to say “I would like to have sex with you, but then I would like you to go home afterwards so I can be productive.” Also, “Stop calling me your Anya.” Anya was nobody’s Anya but her own.
Viktor pouts. “But it will not be as romantic.”
“I promise you, I will appreciate it a lot more.”
Viktor goes over and begins stroking Anya’s cheek. It is actually pretty annoying. Anya wonders what Helorie would be doing right now, if he was here instead. Probably making suggestions, bouncing around ideas, or working on his own projects beside her. Hm. Is Helorie still awake?
Anya resists the urge to contact Helorie and instead continues writing the spell. If she tries really hard, she can pretend that Viktor was a gentle breeze. A breeze that keep whispering creepy things that Anya assumes are supposed to be romantic instead. Yes. That sort of breeze.
“Dmitri. Meal time.” Dmitri, frazzled, unshaven, kind of horrible smelling, opened the door.
“No. Don’t need to eat. I’m concentrating.”
Helorie shook his head. “No. You need to eat, clean yourself, then get back to your magic stuff. At least eat. Er, actually, clean yourself before you eat, that’s how people get sick.”
Dmitri attempted to close his door to his private magical study, and Helorie jammed his bulk into the door, kind of painfully sliding in as Dmitri sighed. “You’re the Tsar, the ruler of this nation, you need to take better care of yourself. Chrysal’s worried, I’m worried, I’m sure Esfir would be worried if she was not a toddler and could understand abstract concepts. Eat. Clean yourself. Get out of your studying, do Tsar stuff. I promise magic will be there waiting for you when you’re done.”
Dmitri shooks his head, reaching for a whole baked potato with an ink-stained hand. Helorie sighed and magically cleaned the appendage himself as his brother grabbed the potato, shoving the entire thing into his mouth for a huge bite. In a dozen more of those enormous bites the whole potato is gone, and Dmitri reaches for the chicken next.
“Be civilized. Knife and fork. Or at least telekinesis.”
“We never used forks when we were kids.” said Dmitri. “Who even invented the fork? It’s soooo pointless.” Dmitri takes an oversized bite of the chicken, and then shudders. “Eugh. Just ate a bone.”
Helorie, realizing he was getting nowhere, sat down beside Dmitri’s desk and the Tsar sat down at it, continuing to put food in his mouth with telekinesis while writing with his hands. “Dmitri. You can’t go on like this. I know you don’t want to go out in public. I know you’re focused on being the Witch of Magic. Are you upset that Maëlys and Sebastian are dead? I know that I’m upset that they’re dead.”
“I sent them to their death.” replied Dmitri. “Though really I only care about Maëlys, isn’t Sebastian chilling it out down in hell with his dad? Taking hell baths, devil family reunion?”
“I doubt that is what’s happening.” Helorie wished he knew what was happening. All he knew was that his own personal attempts to ressurect Maëlys had failed, that they kept failing. “Dmitri, it is not your fault. We assumed they would succeed, or at least be resurrectable. Nobody could have predicted this.”
“Still my fault.” said Dmitri. “Everything is my fault. I’m a failure! As a Tsar! As a husband! As a father!”
Helorie sighed. “Dmitri, if you could maybe just-”
“Helorie, why don’t you let me write my spells in peace, okay!? Once I finish this one I’ll come out, do the social thing, okay? Just… I can’t right now. I CAN’T!”
Helorie set the plate down. “Alright. Promise me you’ll come out when you’re done with this one?”
“I promise.”
“No. Don’t need to eat. I’m concentrating.”
Helorie shook his head. “No. You need to eat, clean yourself, then get back to your magic stuff. At least eat. Er, actually, clean yourself before you eat, that’s how people get sick.”
Dmitri attempted to close his door to his private magical study, and Helorie jammed his bulk into the door, kind of painfully sliding in as Dmitri sighed. “You’re the Tsar, the ruler of this nation, you need to take better care of yourself. Chrysal’s worried, I’m worried, I’m sure Esfir would be worried if she was not a toddler and could understand abstract concepts. Eat. Clean yourself. Get out of your studying, do Tsar stuff. I promise magic will be there waiting for you when you’re done.”
Dmitri shooks his head, reaching for a whole baked potato with an ink-stained hand. Helorie sighed and magically cleaned the appendage himself as his brother grabbed the potato, shoving the entire thing into his mouth for a huge bite. In a dozen more of those enormous bites the whole potato is gone, and Dmitri reaches for the chicken next.
“Be civilized. Knife and fork. Or at least telekinesis.”
“We never used forks when we were kids.” said Dmitri. “Who even invented the fork? It’s soooo pointless.” Dmitri takes an oversized bite of the chicken, and then shudders. “Eugh. Just ate a bone.”
Helorie, realizing he was getting nowhere, sat down beside Dmitri’s desk and the Tsar sat down at it, continuing to put food in his mouth with telekinesis while writing with his hands. “Dmitri. You can’t go on like this. I know you don’t want to go out in public. I know you’re focused on being the Witch of Magic. Are you upset that Maëlys and Sebastian are dead? I know that I’m upset that they’re dead.”
“I sent them to their death.” replied Dmitri. “Though really I only care about Maëlys, isn’t Sebastian chilling it out down in hell with his dad? Taking hell baths, devil family reunion?”
“I doubt that is what’s happening.” Helorie wished he knew what was happening. All he knew was that his own personal attempts to ressurect Maëlys had failed, that they kept failing. “Dmitri, it is not your fault. We assumed they would succeed, or at least be resurrectable. Nobody could have predicted this.”
“Still my fault.” said Dmitri. “Everything is my fault. I’m a failure! As a Tsar! As a husband! As a father!”
Helorie sighed. “Dmitri, if you could maybe just-”
“Helorie, why don’t you let me write my spells in peace, okay!? Once I finish this one I’ll come out, do the social thing, okay? Just… I can’t right now. I CAN’T!”
Helorie set the plate down. “Alright. Promise me you’ll come out when you’re done with this one?”
“I promise.”
“Why do people call you evil?” asks Anya, idly flipping through a newspaper. “I can’t think of a single evil thing you’ve ever done.”
“I myself think I am evil.” says Helorie. “I am just in very good control of my personal desires and I know that I cannot use my powers to make the world a worse place, because everyone else is doing that.”
Anya rolls her eyes. “I don’t think that counts.”
“Perhaps I have a story that can explain.”
Anya has no idea how a story is going to explain anything. But she lets Helorie tell it.
“It was the summer three years after Dmitri and I had left the Academy of the Perfect One, when we had become adventurers instead of students. We were on our way to some pointless dungeon of some type, when we were stopped on the road by old Imperial troops. Their leader demanded a roadside tax, and I-”
“Is this the story of how my grandfather lost his arms and legs?” asks Anya. “Because I know that story. You don’t have to tell it to me.”
“Shh. let me tell my version of it.” says Helorie, and Anya sighs and lets him talk. “Anyway, both of us knew that there was no such roadside tax, and while I was willing to pay and let them let us go on our way, your grandfather was a stubborn man, he wouldn’t do such a thing. When they began harrasing him, he got smart with them, and they didn’t like that. As their leader got mad, Dmitri grew more and more defiant, until finally both of them snapped.
Dmitri let out a spell and signalled to me to help him attack them, but one of them grabbed me from behind and I couldn’t escape. I could only watch as they completely dominated Dmitri, subduing him, mutilating him, cutting off his arms and legs and clumsily cauterizing his stubs before throwing him to the ground and going on his merry way. It was a common punishment in that time, as I’m sure you’ve read in your books. It made someone an outcast, their life was ruined. As I looked down at the pathetic mass of meat lying there, probably unable to do anything for the rest of his life, I thought about killing him. It would be merciful, kinder to just end his existance now, I thought, it would just be-”
Anya puts up a hand, indicating for Helorie to stop. “Helorie. Have you told this story to many people?”
“A few dozen, maybe? I suppose I’ve never really counted how-”
“AND NOBODY HAS EVER CALLED YOU OUT ON HOW AMAZINGLY ABLEIST YOU WERE?!” practically screeches Anya. “Nobody ever said ‘wow, Helorie, it was pretty fucked up for you to assume that your brother’s life was forever ruined, he’d never be able to do anything, he’d rather be dead than alive? Nobody has ever um, said your wording is disgusting? And what is this story supposed to be about, how you’re a good person? News flash, Helorie, not killing your disabled brother doesn’t make you a good person. It just doesn’t make you a horrible, awful, terrible person! Killing your helpless siblings is evil! No matter what!”
Helorie blinks. Nobody has ever reacted to this story this way. “But Dmitri’s magic was so much to him.”
“Oh my god, he was only twenty two or twenty three, wasn’t he? He was younger than I am now. If something like that happened to me, Helorie, would you consider killing me? Or did you ever consider killing me when I was a baby, because I can’t walk, because I’m disabled?”
Helorie blinks again. “Anya, I- the point of what I was getting to was that I didn’t kill Dmitri. I couldn’t kill him, I loved him, I would never-” And Helorie begins to tear up, rare for the lich. “Anya, I-”
“Helorie. I appreciate that you didn’t kill him. Because I wouldn’t be alive if you did. But nobody should be giving you any good person points for that.”
“I’m not a good person because I didn’t kill him, I’m not a good person, Anya. What I’m trying to say is- I went through a very traumatic experience and it showed me that the world was a horrible place and I couldn’t make it any worse.”
“You went through a very traumatic experience? Not the guy who got his limbs chopped off and spent a year without prosthetics. Not blaming you for not making them faster, you literally made them as fast as you could, but… wow.”
“I’m not saying Dmitri didn’t also have it bad. But Anya, it… it was traumatic for me. Excuse me for feeling how I felt.”
“Please tell nobody this story ever again, Helorie.”
Helorie nods. “Not… not after getting that reaction, no. I’ve… Anya, is it okay for me to say that you’ve taught me something?”
“Yes, because I yelled at you.”
“I myself think I am evil.” says Helorie. “I am just in very good control of my personal desires and I know that I cannot use my powers to make the world a worse place, because everyone else is doing that.”
Anya rolls her eyes. “I don’t think that counts.”
“Perhaps I have a story that can explain.”
Anya has no idea how a story is going to explain anything. But she lets Helorie tell it.
“It was the summer three years after Dmitri and I had left the Academy of the Perfect One, when we had become adventurers instead of students. We were on our way to some pointless dungeon of some type, when we were stopped on the road by old Imperial troops. Their leader demanded a roadside tax, and I-”
“Is this the story of how my grandfather lost his arms and legs?” asks Anya. “Because I know that story. You don’t have to tell it to me.”
“Shh. let me tell my version of it.” says Helorie, and Anya sighs and lets him talk. “Anyway, both of us knew that there was no such roadside tax, and while I was willing to pay and let them let us go on our way, your grandfather was a stubborn man, he wouldn’t do such a thing. When they began harrasing him, he got smart with them, and they didn’t like that. As their leader got mad, Dmitri grew more and more defiant, until finally both of them snapped.
Dmitri let out a spell and signalled to me to help him attack them, but one of them grabbed me from behind and I couldn’t escape. I could only watch as they completely dominated Dmitri, subduing him, mutilating him, cutting off his arms and legs and clumsily cauterizing his stubs before throwing him to the ground and going on his merry way. It was a common punishment in that time, as I’m sure you’ve read in your books. It made someone an outcast, their life was ruined. As I looked down at the pathetic mass of meat lying there, probably unable to do anything for the rest of his life, I thought about killing him. It would be merciful, kinder to just end his existance now, I thought, it would just be-”
Anya puts up a hand, indicating for Helorie to stop. “Helorie. Have you told this story to many people?”
“A few dozen, maybe? I suppose I’ve never really counted how-”
“AND NOBODY HAS EVER CALLED YOU OUT ON HOW AMAZINGLY ABLEIST YOU WERE?!” practically screeches Anya. “Nobody ever said ‘wow, Helorie, it was pretty fucked up for you to assume that your brother’s life was forever ruined, he’d never be able to do anything, he’d rather be dead than alive? Nobody has ever um, said your wording is disgusting? And what is this story supposed to be about, how you’re a good person? News flash, Helorie, not killing your disabled brother doesn’t make you a good person. It just doesn’t make you a horrible, awful, terrible person! Killing your helpless siblings is evil! No matter what!”
Helorie blinks. Nobody has ever reacted to this story this way. “But Dmitri’s magic was so much to him.”
“Oh my god, he was only twenty two or twenty three, wasn’t he? He was younger than I am now. If something like that happened to me, Helorie, would you consider killing me? Or did you ever consider killing me when I was a baby, because I can’t walk, because I’m disabled?”
Helorie blinks again. “Anya, I- the point of what I was getting to was that I didn’t kill Dmitri. I couldn’t kill him, I loved him, I would never-” And Helorie begins to tear up, rare for the lich. “Anya, I-”
“Helorie. I appreciate that you didn’t kill him. Because I wouldn’t be alive if you did. But nobody should be giving you any good person points for that.”
“I’m not a good person because I didn’t kill him, I’m not a good person, Anya. What I’m trying to say is- I went through a very traumatic experience and it showed me that the world was a horrible place and I couldn’t make it any worse.”
“You went through a very traumatic experience? Not the guy who got his limbs chopped off and spent a year without prosthetics. Not blaming you for not making them faster, you literally made them as fast as you could, but… wow.”
“I’m not saying Dmitri didn’t also have it bad. But Anya, it… it was traumatic for me. Excuse me for feeling how I felt.”
“Please tell nobody this story ever again, Helorie.”
Helorie nods. “Not… not after getting that reaction, no. I’ve… Anya, is it okay for me to say that you’ve taught me something?”
“Yes, because I yelled at you.”
Dmitri sat in his room, flexing his new prosthetics. They were the first new set Helorie had made since all the commotion around Maëlys and Sebastian’s return. “Dmitri? Are you alright? The party’s beginning soon.”
“What? I’m fine. Just thinking.”
Helorie moved in to sit next to Dmitri. “What are you thinking about?”
“When I lost my limbs. When we were attacked, all those years ago. When you first picked me up… I remember, you had a dagger in your hands. W-were you going to kill me?”
Helorie considered lying, thinking of what he could have done with that dagger, but he finally says, “I considered it. But I couldn’t. Dmitri, I never could.”
“I’ve been wondering that for years. I always thought so.” Dmitri shuddered. “I thought so.”
There was a long moment of silence, then Helorie finally asked. “What was it like… during that silent year? I always wondered why you never spoke to me. Never responded. Were you mad at me?”
Dmitri shook his head. “I was- Oh, Helorie, it was so horrible. I felt like I had no control of myself anymore- and I was in so much pain- and whenever I felt or thought of my new body the attack replayed itself in my mind, an infinite loop of- and I was ashamed, and I was in this horrid, sensory shithole…. It was this complete-” And Dmitri shuddered again. “It was everything awful. No. Not mad at you. Why would I be mad at you?”
“For not protecting you.”
“I always thought you were mad at me for not just giving those guys our money.”
“Did you ever want to be dead?” asked Helorie.
Dmitri let out a long breath. “Sometimes. But most of the time I wanted to live through this. See if I could be the great mage I was with your prosthetic limbs. See what would happen next in life. I think everyone feels like they want to die sometimes, Helorie. But even thought it was bad, I wanted it to be over. I wanted that feeling of relief. Not…. death.”
There was another long moment of silence, and Helorie said, “So, you knew Natsya existed. Why did you never let me say goodbye? Or anything?”
“Because I hated her. She was never good enough for my big brother. If anything ever happened to you, you would have been curtains. Plus, I can’t let you be with someone who doesn’t recognize the importance of family.”
“What would you have done if we would have known she was pregnant?’
“We would have waited until she gave birth, kidnapped Arianna, and let her be raised by the world’s greatest father uncle duo!” exclaimed Dmitri. He finally laughed, trying to get all the bad emotions out. “I made a mistake. I know it was a bad one. But we can’t all be perfect.”
There was the sound of commotion downstairs, and Dmitri stands up. “Oh shit, I think the party is beginning. We should probably go.”
“Dmitri, I’m really glad we had this talk.” said Helorie.
“Yeah, me too.”
“What? I’m fine. Just thinking.”
Helorie moved in to sit next to Dmitri. “What are you thinking about?”
“When I lost my limbs. When we were attacked, all those years ago. When you first picked me up… I remember, you had a dagger in your hands. W-were you going to kill me?”
Helorie considered lying, thinking of what he could have done with that dagger, but he finally says, “I considered it. But I couldn’t. Dmitri, I never could.”
“I’ve been wondering that for years. I always thought so.” Dmitri shuddered. “I thought so.”
There was a long moment of silence, then Helorie finally asked. “What was it like… during that silent year? I always wondered why you never spoke to me. Never responded. Were you mad at me?”
Dmitri shook his head. “I was- Oh, Helorie, it was so horrible. I felt like I had no control of myself anymore- and I was in so much pain- and whenever I felt or thought of my new body the attack replayed itself in my mind, an infinite loop of- and I was ashamed, and I was in this horrid, sensory shithole…. It was this complete-” And Dmitri shuddered again. “It was everything awful. No. Not mad at you. Why would I be mad at you?”
“For not protecting you.”
“I always thought you were mad at me for not just giving those guys our money.”
“Did you ever want to be dead?” asked Helorie.
Dmitri let out a long breath. “Sometimes. But most of the time I wanted to live through this. See if I could be the great mage I was with your prosthetic limbs. See what would happen next in life. I think everyone feels like they want to die sometimes, Helorie. But even thought it was bad, I wanted it to be over. I wanted that feeling of relief. Not…. death.”
There was another long moment of silence, and Helorie said, “So, you knew Natsya existed. Why did you never let me say goodbye? Or anything?”
“Because I hated her. She was never good enough for my big brother. If anything ever happened to you, you would have been curtains. Plus, I can’t let you be with someone who doesn’t recognize the importance of family.”
“What would you have done if we would have known she was pregnant?’
“We would have waited until she gave birth, kidnapped Arianna, and let her be raised by the world’s greatest father uncle duo!” exclaimed Dmitri. He finally laughed, trying to get all the bad emotions out. “I made a mistake. I know it was a bad one. But we can’t all be perfect.”
There was the sound of commotion downstairs, and Dmitri stands up. “Oh shit, I think the party is beginning. We should probably go.”
“Dmitri, I’m really glad we had this talk.” said Helorie.
“Yeah, me too.”
It is the worst Orredmas Eve ever, thinks Anya as she watches her Uncle Kir be whipped by six balors simultaneously. Kir vanishes in a shrieking pillar of flame, and the balors turn their attention to Anya. Damnit. Damnit! What to do!? She flies upwards, sending holy magics down at them, the energies burning her hands as they leave. It hardly affects them, and Anya nearly panics. Why did Helorie have to temporarily lose his magic during the invasion? Why did this have to happen? She summoned a rainbow sphere around herself, protecting herself from the demons, but not for long. The Balors attack the sphere, slowly breaking down its barriers. No. No. She couldn’t die here. This can’t be the end. She has to do something!
And then it comes to her. The True Transformation. Her spell. She’d nearly finished it after breaking up with Viktor earlier that day, but Helorie’s discovery of his missing magic had interrupted that process. But she had it almost complete. She could see the spell in her head. Nearly perfect. All the components sliding together. All the components in front of her. A spell that would transform her into a true and ultimate form, one that was just as much her as the body she currently inhabited. But was that the thing that was missing at the center?
OF COURSE! IT WAS SO OBVIOUS! She was missing! She had to put herself into the spell, herself, Anya Alkavov, with all her strengths, all her weaknesses. She was in the center, and for her to become her other self, she would need to be a part of the spell as much as any syllable or gesture, any channeling of energy, and almost instantaneously once she realized that, she felt it begin.
The rainbow barrier breaks, but a shimmering golden egg forms around Anya, protecting her from all attack. Inside the egg, Anya could feel herself dissolving, but not in a painful way. It is somewhat pleasant, actually, and she feels a new self form, curled tightly in the enormous egg. And then the egg hatches, filling the sky with golden light, and Anya emerges from it.
She is a hundred foot long black serpent, adorned with shimmering feathers, equipped with powerful wings, and she takes to the sky to observe the scene. A giant red creature is fighting the adamantine colossus, there’s- wait.
The adamantine colossus?
HELORIE!
And Anya doesn’t care what else is happening, she soars through the sky, she has to help him fight this giant red creature. What the heck is it, actually? Anya is baffled by the giant red creature, but she bites down on it anyways, using her new powerful serpent bite. The Adamantine Colossus cracks off one of of the red thing’s horns, and Anya holds the red creature in place with her coils as the Colossus rams the horn into its brain. Now screeching, dropping to its knees, Anya shoots out a rainbow laser beam from her mouth as the Adamantine Colossus fires its own Disintegration cannon, the twin beams making short work of the giant red creature that was previously terrorizing Kirov.
And then Anya notices that the Adamantine Colossus is scraped up, wounded from the fight, and it suddenly falls, too badly injured to continue to fly. Anya quickly catches it in a coil, flying to the shore of the bay and landing on a spot that was large enough to have a giant serpent and robot-suit-thing land there without destroying anything.
The top of the suit opens, and Helorie, pale, frightened, looks out at Anya. “Who…. what…. I… who are you?”
Anya sends out a reassuring thought message as she moves her snake head closer to Helorie. “Helorie, don’t be afraid, it’s me. Anya. This is the True Transformation.”
“Anya, you’re….” Helorie hesistantly reaches out and strokes a glimmering scale. “You’re beautiful.”
And then it comes to her. The True Transformation. Her spell. She’d nearly finished it after breaking up with Viktor earlier that day, but Helorie’s discovery of his missing magic had interrupted that process. But she had it almost complete. She could see the spell in her head. Nearly perfect. All the components sliding together. All the components in front of her. A spell that would transform her into a true and ultimate form, one that was just as much her as the body she currently inhabited. But was that the thing that was missing at the center?
OF COURSE! IT WAS SO OBVIOUS! She was missing! She had to put herself into the spell, herself, Anya Alkavov, with all her strengths, all her weaknesses. She was in the center, and for her to become her other self, she would need to be a part of the spell as much as any syllable or gesture, any channeling of energy, and almost instantaneously once she realized that, she felt it begin.
The rainbow barrier breaks, but a shimmering golden egg forms around Anya, protecting her from all attack. Inside the egg, Anya could feel herself dissolving, but not in a painful way. It is somewhat pleasant, actually, and she feels a new self form, curled tightly in the enormous egg. And then the egg hatches, filling the sky with golden light, and Anya emerges from it.
She is a hundred foot long black serpent, adorned with shimmering feathers, equipped with powerful wings, and she takes to the sky to observe the scene. A giant red creature is fighting the adamantine colossus, there’s- wait.
The adamantine colossus?
HELORIE!
And Anya doesn’t care what else is happening, she soars through the sky, she has to help him fight this giant red creature. What the heck is it, actually? Anya is baffled by the giant red creature, but she bites down on it anyways, using her new powerful serpent bite. The Adamantine Colossus cracks off one of of the red thing’s horns, and Anya holds the red creature in place with her coils as the Colossus rams the horn into its brain. Now screeching, dropping to its knees, Anya shoots out a rainbow laser beam from her mouth as the Adamantine Colossus fires its own Disintegration cannon, the twin beams making short work of the giant red creature that was previously terrorizing Kirov.
And then Anya notices that the Adamantine Colossus is scraped up, wounded from the fight, and it suddenly falls, too badly injured to continue to fly. Anya quickly catches it in a coil, flying to the shore of the bay and landing on a spot that was large enough to have a giant serpent and robot-suit-thing land there without destroying anything.
The top of the suit opens, and Helorie, pale, frightened, looks out at Anya. “Who…. what…. I… who are you?”
Anya sends out a reassuring thought message as she moves her snake head closer to Helorie. “Helorie, don’t be afraid, it’s me. Anya. This is the True Transformation.”
“Anya, you’re….” Helorie hesistantly reaches out and strokes a glimmering scale. “You’re beautiful.”
It is the worst Orredmas Eve ever, thought Helorie as he watched Markus von Wolff’s annual party. First, he has to go to one of Markus’s parties. Second, Anya has to be whisked away by Adrianna (why is she named after Helorie’s daughter, she’s such an awful child) and third, he had to be talking to this boring blonde man. When someone asks you if you’ve met before, the proper answer is “Yes”, “No”, or “I don’t remember”, not another pointless question.
The blonde man smiled at Helorie. “Would you like to see something special? Something truly unique. Something I think you may never see again?”
Helorie hoped that this wasn’t some sort of bizarre sexual advance, and replied, “Yes.” Unusual things could be interesting.
“Then come with me!” The blonde man, who Helorie could not remember if he knew, lightly skipped through the hall, and arrived at the front door to Markus’s house. Were they leaving this horrible place? Helorie hoped so.
Suddenly, he turned around. “Would you like to feel again?”
“What are you suggesting?” asked Helorie, cautiously. He had given up feeling long ago, it was one of the things about lichdom he couldn’t tell if it was a reward or a drawback. But only briefly…. to feel for a few moments.
“Not for long. For a minute or two.”
That was a bit too long for Helorie, but still, he wanted it. “YES.” he replied, no hesitation.
And the blonde man smiled. And he looked into Helorie’s eyes.
Suddenly, everything that had happened to Helorie in the last three hundred years came crashing down, everything in the world was suddenly re-evaluated. He missed Dmitri SO MUCH! He thought that ache was gone, thought that pain dulled, but now it screamed out at him. He loved Arianna SO MUCH! Having a daughter- having grandchildren- yes!!! Maëlys was his BEST FRIEND! He was close to someone who wasn’t his brother!! There were people who cared about him! Having feelings was amazing and awful and-
ANYA!
HE LOVED ANYA SO MUCH!
He had to find Anya. Where was Anya? Out the door!? Helorie practically slammed the door open, and-
She was there.
Anya effortlessly slammed the door of the car, not looking at an Adrianna who was following her, pleading for something or another. Anya radiated power and confidence. She looked effortlessly beautiful, but Helorie knew that was not the case, and somehow that made her even more attractive. Her eyes softened as she saw Helorie standing there, in the doorway. “Helorie? Is something wrong? Are you okay?”
ANYA LOVED HIM SO MUCH!
How could Helorie not realize this when it had been staring at him, right in the face, for so long? Helorie ran to Anya, he ran to her, and he opened his mouth to speak. “Anya, I-”
And then suddenly this sudden spout of feelings was all over. Everything inside of him was dead again, and Anya was merely his dear great-niece, close friend, and someone who he cared, in a generic way of caring, for every much. “Anya. Um. Er. I think I- I think I- I’m somehow sick. Wanted to tell you that.”
Helorie ran into the house again, trying to find the bathroom and rushing into it once he was found. He knelt over the toilet, waiting for something to come out and relieved when nothing came.
Later, he sat on a couch and watched Anya and her boyfriend Viktor talk. And as he watched the two of them, he realized something. His heart may be withered and dead inside, but he still loved her. Why had it been so hard to realize? He loved Anya.
The blonde man smiled at Helorie. “Would you like to see something special? Something truly unique. Something I think you may never see again?”
Helorie hoped that this wasn’t some sort of bizarre sexual advance, and replied, “Yes.” Unusual things could be interesting.
“Then come with me!” The blonde man, who Helorie could not remember if he knew, lightly skipped through the hall, and arrived at the front door to Markus’s house. Were they leaving this horrible place? Helorie hoped so.
Suddenly, he turned around. “Would you like to feel again?”
“What are you suggesting?” asked Helorie, cautiously. He had given up feeling long ago, it was one of the things about lichdom he couldn’t tell if it was a reward or a drawback. But only briefly…. to feel for a few moments.
“Not for long. For a minute or two.”
That was a bit too long for Helorie, but still, he wanted it. “YES.” he replied, no hesitation.
And the blonde man smiled. And he looked into Helorie’s eyes.
Suddenly, everything that had happened to Helorie in the last three hundred years came crashing down, everything in the world was suddenly re-evaluated. He missed Dmitri SO MUCH! He thought that ache was gone, thought that pain dulled, but now it screamed out at him. He loved Arianna SO MUCH! Having a daughter- having grandchildren- yes!!! Maëlys was his BEST FRIEND! He was close to someone who wasn’t his brother!! There were people who cared about him! Having feelings was amazing and awful and-
ANYA!
HE LOVED ANYA SO MUCH!
He had to find Anya. Where was Anya? Out the door!? Helorie practically slammed the door open, and-
She was there.
Anya effortlessly slammed the door of the car, not looking at an Adrianna who was following her, pleading for something or another. Anya radiated power and confidence. She looked effortlessly beautiful, but Helorie knew that was not the case, and somehow that made her even more attractive. Her eyes softened as she saw Helorie standing there, in the doorway. “Helorie? Is something wrong? Are you okay?”
ANYA LOVED HIM SO MUCH!
How could Helorie not realize this when it had been staring at him, right in the face, for so long? Helorie ran to Anya, he ran to her, and he opened his mouth to speak. “Anya, I-”
And then suddenly this sudden spout of feelings was all over. Everything inside of him was dead again, and Anya was merely his dear great-niece, close friend, and someone who he cared, in a generic way of caring, for every much. “Anya. Um. Er. I think I- I think I- I’m somehow sick. Wanted to tell you that.”
Helorie ran into the house again, trying to find the bathroom and rushing into it once he was found. He knelt over the toilet, waiting for something to come out and relieved when nothing came.
Later, he sat on a couch and watched Anya and her boyfriend Viktor talk. And as he watched the two of them, he realized something. His heart may be withered and dead inside, but he still loved her. Why had it been so hard to realize? He loved Anya.
“Ekaterina has a new lover.” proclaims Anya, sitting down in Helorie’s study. “Remember when that hospital was stealing souls, and Ekaterina ran off with the group who was doing it? Er, not doing it, who was trying to stop the hospital from stealing all the souls. Anyway, she’s one of them. Jeh Deva or something?”
“Jeh Deva, yes, I believe I have met her.” Helorie lightly taps Anya’s forehead. “And I believe you have met her, too. You need to get a better memory of people.”
“Well, I’m sure to remember her now. Jeh Deva.”
“I still think Ekaterina should have married one of Maëlys’s family.” replies Helorie. “I would like to be related to Maëlys very much.”
“Isha and Nadir are definitely a couple.” replies Anya.
“Yes, but does that make us related to Maëlys? No, I will not accept anything less than close relative marriage. I want to be officially related to Maëlys. Anya, look into this. We must find people in the families who should join us. You should look into it, Anya.”
“I’m not marrying for politics, Helorie.”
“Aww.” fake-pouts Helorie. “You’ve betrayed me, Anya.”
“I sure have.”
“Jeh Deva, yes, I believe I have met her.” Helorie lightly taps Anya’s forehead. “And I believe you have met her, too. You need to get a better memory of people.”
“Well, I’m sure to remember her now. Jeh Deva.”
“I still think Ekaterina should have married one of Maëlys’s family.” replies Helorie. “I would like to be related to Maëlys very much.”
“Isha and Nadir are definitely a couple.” replies Anya.
“Yes, but does that make us related to Maëlys? No, I will not accept anything less than close relative marriage. I want to be officially related to Maëlys. Anya, look into this. We must find people in the families who should join us. You should look into it, Anya.”
“I’m not marrying for politics, Helorie.”
“Aww.” fake-pouts Helorie. “You’ve betrayed me, Anya.”
“I sure have.”
Helorie adjusted the sash on Dmitri’s military uniform as they waited for the wedding march to begin. “Don’t panic, Dmitri, alright, don’t panic?”
“I’m trying not to.” said Dmitri.
“Shhh, darling, it’s okay. We’re just getting married.” said Chrysal.
Dmitri laughed a weird snort laugh. “Yeah, it’s only the biggest day of our life. Aww. Chrysal. I’m freaking out.”
Helorie patted Dmitri. “Don’t panic. Everything will just be fine. You will have a calm and peaceful wedding. Everyone will be happy at the wedding. Alright?”
Dmitri nodded, but everyone there knew that there was a lot to panic about. And then, suddenly, the wedding march began.
“I’m trying not to.” said Dmitri.
“Shhh, darling, it’s okay. We’re just getting married.” said Chrysal.
Dmitri laughed a weird snort laugh. “Yeah, it’s only the biggest day of our life. Aww. Chrysal. I’m freaking out.”
Helorie patted Dmitri. “Don’t panic. Everything will just be fine. You will have a calm and peaceful wedding. Everyone will be happy at the wedding. Alright?”
Dmitri nodded, but everyone there knew that there was a lot to panic about. And then, suddenly, the wedding march began.
Anya and Helorie sneak through the tunnels of the Palace Vaults, trying not to be caught by the demons and devils that had somehow invaded it. “Yet another invasion. Wasn’t Orredmas enough?”
Helorie shakes his head. “With Xander, nothing will ever be enough for that boy.”
“He’s much older than me, you know.”
“Yes, but you’re far more mature.”
Anya sticks her tongue out at Helorie, as if to disprove his point, and then suddenly Helorie collapses to his knees. “Anya. My- my Phylactary! My soul! I-!”
As Helorie pants, Anya crouches besides him, prosthetics screaming in pain, and pats his back soothingly. “Alright, okay, Helorie, we just need to get through this and you can make another one, we’ll be fine and you’ll make another one. Helorie, it’s okay, just stay calm, we’ll be okay, okay?”
“If I die now I die forever!” says Helorie, clapsing his head. “I’ll never be alive again, I-”
“I’ll ressurect you, Helorie. You know I can. Even though you’re undead. Because Helorie, I-”
“I know that you love me and I love you but let’s not talk about that right now, because we might be about to die and-”
Anya’s heart skipped a beat. “You- you love me?”
Helorie stood up, and so did Anya. “Yes. Yes, Anya, of course I do.”
And that was when the demons struck, stabbing Helorie through the chest and sending out flame spells at Anya. Anya instinctively activated her True Transformation spell- she had to protect Helorie! These demons were no match for a sorceress at full power!
The fight is fast, almost over before it had begun, and at the end Anya hovers there, looking down at Helorie. He is dead. But it’s fine.
It’s fine because Anya loves Helorie, and Helorie loves Anya.
And gently, picking Helorie up in her jaw, careful not to crush him, Anya slams through the ceiling of the vaults and flies into the imperial palace. Placing him on a stone tablet, she drapes her tail feathers over him and lets the energy flow into him.
And, very suddenly, Helorie takes a deep breath and opens up his eyes, and Anya lets herself transform back into her true form.
“Now let me say it, Helorie.” Helorie sits up and as he does Anya kisses him, a kiss she has been waiting years for. “I love you.”
Helorie shakes his head. “With Xander, nothing will ever be enough for that boy.”
“He’s much older than me, you know.”
“Yes, but you’re far more mature.”
Anya sticks her tongue out at Helorie, as if to disprove his point, and then suddenly Helorie collapses to his knees. “Anya. My- my Phylactary! My soul! I-!”
As Helorie pants, Anya crouches besides him, prosthetics screaming in pain, and pats his back soothingly. “Alright, okay, Helorie, we just need to get through this and you can make another one, we’ll be fine and you’ll make another one. Helorie, it’s okay, just stay calm, we’ll be okay, okay?”
“If I die now I die forever!” says Helorie, clapsing his head. “I’ll never be alive again, I-”
“I’ll ressurect you, Helorie. You know I can. Even though you’re undead. Because Helorie, I-”
“I know that you love me and I love you but let’s not talk about that right now, because we might be about to die and-”
Anya’s heart skipped a beat. “You- you love me?”
Helorie stood up, and so did Anya. “Yes. Yes, Anya, of course I do.”
And that was when the demons struck, stabbing Helorie through the chest and sending out flame spells at Anya. Anya instinctively activated her True Transformation spell- she had to protect Helorie! These demons were no match for a sorceress at full power!
The fight is fast, almost over before it had begun, and at the end Anya hovers there, looking down at Helorie. He is dead. But it’s fine.
It’s fine because Anya loves Helorie, and Helorie loves Anya.
And gently, picking Helorie up in her jaw, careful not to crush him, Anya slams through the ceiling of the vaults and flies into the imperial palace. Placing him on a stone tablet, she drapes her tail feathers over him and lets the energy flow into him.
And, very suddenly, Helorie takes a deep breath and opens up his eyes, and Anya lets herself transform back into her true form.
“Now let me say it, Helorie.” Helorie sits up and as he does Anya kisses him, a kiss she has been waiting years for. “I love you.”
Helorie sat in the center of the occult circle completely naked, his soon-to-be phylactery his only adornment. He was finally going to become a lich. His life so far had been completely miserable, nearly every decision he had made had led to disaster. He was so inferior to his brother. He had a daughter who he’d abandoned, condemned to a life of slavery. He had never accomplished anything of his own, only tagged along on Dmitri’s long list of victories.
So that emotional pain had to end. And so did his incredible, consuming fear of death. Helorie picked up the dagger by his side. He was totally terrified of the next step, but knew he had to do it. He had to become a lich.
Slowly, Helorie slit one wrist, then the other. “By dying, I renounce death.” The blood quickly drained from Helorie’s body, and he cupped his hands around his phylactery, thinking of his power, his magic, what made him himself. “By dying, I renounce my inner soul.” His soul was what gave him magical power, but as a lich, he would have his soul outside of his body, where it was safe. Helorie nearly gasped as a bright green orb emerged from his chest and cracked open, the outer shell abandoned as the inner green energy flew into the central white stone of his phylactery necklace. He was almost there. He was dying, and his soul had left his body. “By dying, I renounce pain! By dying, I transform myself. By dying, I become who I am.” Defining himself was a key part of the ritual. Now that he no longer had an inner soul, and now that he was dead, who was he? What person was he, when stripped of those things?
And then, the final words of the ritual he’d written. Feeling himself drain away, he finally said, “By dying, I renounce love.” And his soul settled in his phylactery, and his body died but his consciousness stayed, and he was a him who he had not been before.
Helorie stood up, magically summoning his robes so he wouldn’t be naked anymore. After all his preparation and worrying, he’d done it without a hitch. And what had he given up that was of any of real value? Death? Who wanted to die? A soul? He had all of its benefits, none of its drawbacks in a convenient portable form now. Pain was pointless, and so was its twin, love. Love had been the easiest of them all to give up. After all, who would ever love him?
So that emotional pain had to end. And so did his incredible, consuming fear of death. Helorie picked up the dagger by his side. He was totally terrified of the next step, but knew he had to do it. He had to become a lich.
Slowly, Helorie slit one wrist, then the other. “By dying, I renounce death.” The blood quickly drained from Helorie’s body, and he cupped his hands around his phylactery, thinking of his power, his magic, what made him himself. “By dying, I renounce my inner soul.” His soul was what gave him magical power, but as a lich, he would have his soul outside of his body, where it was safe. Helorie nearly gasped as a bright green orb emerged from his chest and cracked open, the outer shell abandoned as the inner green energy flew into the central white stone of his phylactery necklace. He was almost there. He was dying, and his soul had left his body. “By dying, I renounce pain! By dying, I transform myself. By dying, I become who I am.” Defining himself was a key part of the ritual. Now that he no longer had an inner soul, and now that he was dead, who was he? What person was he, when stripped of those things?
And then, the final words of the ritual he’d written. Feeling himself drain away, he finally said, “By dying, I renounce love.” And his soul settled in his phylactery, and his body died but his consciousness stayed, and he was a him who he had not been before.
Helorie stood up, magically summoning his robes so he wouldn’t be naked anymore. After all his preparation and worrying, he’d done it without a hitch. And what had he given up that was of any of real value? Death? Who wanted to die? A soul? He had all of its benefits, none of its drawbacks in a convenient portable form now. Pain was pointless, and so was its twin, love. Love had been the easiest of them all to give up. After all, who would ever love him?
Author's Note: This is the longest part of Novae.
As Anya finally becomes an adult, she realizes that she loves Helorie. And Helorie, in his moment of humanity, realizes that he loves her.
Some stuff bonus:
The man who makes Helorie temporarily human is Illiam.
There were two longer chapters about Anya and Helorie (who is bafflingly called 'Ilari' in And So This is Orredmas) in And So This is Orredmas. There was also an Illiam chapter and a Xander chapter.
This is the only canonical reference to sexual spells and magical items.
Word Count: 7033 Words
Date: June 23rd, 2015
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