"We need to form a team and fight crime." said Dmitri. He was staring right into Pyotr's face, as he'd just woken him up to share another one of his asinine ideas. Pyotr rolled his eyes.
"That's a terrible, awful idea. I'm going back to sleep."
Pyotr turned over and pressed his face against a pillow, but Dmitri jumped on the bed, getting closer to his brother's face. "Actually, P, it's amazing. I don't think my brainform has ever conceived of a better idea."
"Well, all your ideas are pretty awful, so maybe this one is the least awful. Let me go back to sleep."
Dmitri jumped off the bed. "Okay, I'm going to write this down as approval. I'm calling the others, we're doing this thing, we're making it happen."
--
Pyotr found himself in a room with Morti, Dominik, and Dmitri. "Okay, we need to think of fake identities for ourselves, so we'll be protected when fighting crime. We'll also need to make costumes. I already have my powersuit."
Pyotr sighed. "Dmitri, they'll recognize you in the power suit."
"Not if I paint it... red! Pyotr, you're kind of married to your magical girl costume, so I guess you'll be wearing that."
Pyotr sighed. "I guess I have no choice."
Morti offered a skull mask to the gang. "I already conceived a costume to wear. It will involve me wearing this skull mask, also, maybe, a cape with skulls on it? I will have two minions who follow me around, they will both be skeletons. They will sing and dance and play tiny ukuleles to bring joy to the people of Kirov."
"All at the same time?" asked Dmitri. "Wow, that's awesome."
Dominik, who had been silent the whole time, finally said, "Well, I'm sure I can find a hat of disguise somewhere in my father's giant closet of clothes. Maybe like, multiple hats of disguise."
"Better not take too many- he could get suspicious." said Dmitri.
Dominik nodded, then looked as if zie was receiving some sort of mental communication. "Heh. Jiro says he wants to be 'the Everyman.' He says not to worry about him, he can shapeshift like his dad."
"Which one?" asked Morti.
"The one who can shapeshift." replied Dominik, not actually clarifying the matter.
"How about this for a name: Skeleton?" asked Morti.
Dmitri shook his head. "It doesn't have enough pizazz. How about adding some sort of qualifier to it."
"The Skeleton." decided Morti.
"I will be Rubyheart." proclaimed Dmitri. Pyotr rolled his eyes again.
"That's an awful name. It explains nothing about you or your powers and abilities. At least with The Skeleton you know that skeletons will be involved."
"Skeletons are always involved." interjected Morti.
"Okay, technically true." agreed Pyotr. "Why ruby, Dmitri. Because your armor will be red?"
"Yeah." Dmitri sighed. "Okay, if Rubyheart is disqualified, what about Redshift? It's red themed, it's kind of spacey, that at least gives a hint to the things that I do."
Redshift was approved. Now it is was Pyotr's turn.
"Don't you have a magical name for your transformed form?" asked Morti. "Something that was given to you by your own star heart?"
Pyotr shook his head. "No, not really. I- I don't even have names for my multiple hearts like most empaths do. They're all Pyotr, even the awful ones."
Morti pouted. "We need to come up with a proper magical name for you, then!"
"What about grey?" offered Pyotr.
Everyone agreed that this was an awful name. "What, do I have to add a second word onto it to be acceptable? How about this, A Skeleton?"
"Would you wear the elaborate skeleton costume I've made for just the purpose of skeleton cosplay?" asked Morti excitedly.
"No." said Pyotr. "I am not wearing a skeleton costume. Sorry, Morti."
"You could be "The Stars and Void"." said Dominik. "Frankly this is a very difficult exercise, and I have not yet come up with a name for myself."
"Maybe names aren't important. Maybe what's important is fighting crime!" shouted Dmitri, jumping on the table. "We don't care about what they call us, as long as-"
"KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!" yelled Zarya. "I'm trying to study, I don't need your pointless discussion about your pointless games!"
It was silent for a long, awkward moment, until Dmitri said, "Why don't we just move this down into the simulator room."
Morti suddenly remembered she had tuba practice and had to rush to that, so the group reconvened in the simulation room a few days later. Dominik brought Jiro, taken from who knows where. "Where's Sevvie?" asked Morti.
"Um, I don't think my sister would be very good at fighting crime. She'd probably just kill everyone."
Dmitri nodded. "That's true. Well, she's welcome to join if she ever... wouldn't kill everyone." Dmitri looked around at the people gathered here. "Okay, guys, first off, costumes! I want to see your costumes!"
Jiro was first. "Well, I sewed this cape myself." He was already wearing it, a grey hooded cape over a suit of leather armor.
"Do you have any sort of mask or anything? Something to hide your identity?"
Jiro's face shifted, becoming more angular- he gained a few inches, shifted a few pounds, and his hair became long and silver. His skin changed to hide his markings and wipe away acne. Dmitri smiled widely. "Wow, excellent!"
"It's pretty useful." admitted Jiro. "I can do a few others too, my dads, Sevvie, a few of the servants, it's helpful."
"Anyway, weapons."
Jiro offered a shortbow. "Like my grandfather used to use."
"Nice, nice, great. Okay, Morti, you're next!"
Morti was wearing a nicely made breastplate, which somehow matched her black, skull embrossed cape and skull mask. She had a whip in one hand, and a shield in the other. "If anyone attacks me, I'll try to trip them! I don't know if I'll succeed, but I'll try!"
"That's the spirit!" exclaimed Dmitri excitedly. "We don't know if we'll succeed, but we'll try. Morti, you look great. Where are the skeletons?"
Morti frowned. "They didn't get through palace security. They were so cute, they were going to sing to people to make them turn to the path of good."
"Has that ever worked?" asked Dominik.
Jiro shrugged. "It worked for my uncle."
"Okay, Dominik, because you are being so questioning, let us question you!"
"You're being way more questioning than me." replied Dominik. "But okay. I got the hat of disguise, let's go."
Dominik put the hat of diguise upon zir head, and zie underwent a remarkable transformation. Zie lost almost a foot in height, zir hair curled and grew longer, and zir horns went from tall, greyish animal horns to tiny nubs poking out of a hooded outfit zie was now wearing over zir chain shirt. Dominik's body changed completely, gaining curves and breasts, and zir tail grew longer, spikier. Morti hugged zir.
"You're adorable! Look at you!"
Dominik blushed. "This hat of disguise really is useful.Nobody will ever know it's me!"
Morti nodded. "And you're...." She squished her best friend's cheeks. "Oh, you're precious!"
"Ok, the costume is um, wow, great," said Dmitri, "Now what about weapons?"
"Well, I have my gun-" Before Dmitri could blink, Dominik had already drawn it, shooting an bullet that whizzed past Dmitri's head, "Or my sword!" Dominik sheathed the gun to reveal a double-bladed, gleaming sword.
"Okay, finally, Pyotr, show us what you've got."
Pyotr sighed. "Lastly? What about you?"
Dmitri smiled. "I have my power suit!"
Pyotr twirled around until his head started to feel dizzy. Once he began to feel dizzy, the transformation would already be completed. "Ta-da." Pyotr put out his arms, showing his magical transformation outfit. "Oh, yeah, and I've got a bow. Cool." Pyotr half-heartedly shot the wall. "Amazing."
"Great. Great. We're all ready to fight. We're all ready to win! Now we just need.... to learn how to work together!"
Everyone let out a sigh. It was going to be a long night.
Dmitri put his hand in the vague center of where they were standing. "Okay, let's all put our hands in the center, and we'll psychically link up."
"We don't actually need to be touching to be linked up." said Dominik. "And you guys are already linked to me."
"Well that's all well and good, but I want some confirmation."
"Is this good enough?" asked Dominik telepathically.
"Okay, cool, great." said Dmitri, non-telepathically. Other psychics, am I in your circle of 5? Friends list?"
"It's called a collective." offered Morti. "And yes!"
"Yup." said Pyotr. "you're always in my head."
"And I don't have one of them." said Jiro.
"Okay then, no cool hands in the center thing. I get how it is." Dmitri clapped his hands, and an obstacle course appeared. "Okay guys, time for an obstacle course, let's try our best, and be a team!"
--
Five hours later, Pyotr wanted to kick Dmitri in the face. He generally did, but right now the urge was even stronger than usual. He jumped through the final hoop, hoping his performance would be perfect this time. Legs together, he didn't hit a single part of the golden ring until-
BZZZZ! A stray feather had brushed against the ring, causing te whole team to fail. Dominik sighed. Jiro looked as if he wanted to cry. Morti patted Pyotr on the shoulder.
"It's okay, Pyotr, we'll all just have to try again."
"NO!" screamed Jiro. "No, we're not going to try again, we're-"
The group was interrupted by the sudden appearance of one of the royal aids. "Alright, children, get out of here! Tsar Helorie needs this room in twenty minutes for a training exercise, you whipersnappers better be out of here by then!"
The door closed, and Dmitri stomped his foot on the ground. "How dare she speak to me that way? Doesn't she know "Tsar Helorie" is my father! I'm the heir!"
Pyotr was all too aware that Dmitri was the heir. "Look, it means your costume works. It's working fine."
"Why don't we go out and test our teamwork out on the streets?" suggested Morti. "Then we won't have to do the obstacle course again."
"Yes, it's time to be in action." said Dominik. "Let's do it!"
Unsurprisingly, the sudden appearance of five people in ridiculous outfits was treated as common occurrence in the city of Kirov. The only people who'd been curious about their outfits was one lady, who asked Pyotr where his outfit came from. She was unsatisfied with the answer "the luminescence of the cosmos itself".
Morti shifted from foot to foot. "Maybe there is no crime to stop. Maybe the police are doing a good job patroling the city?"
Suddenly, the group heard a scream. "HELP!" They ran at it, Morti and Dmitri being the slowest due to their heavier armor. A man, pressed up against a wall by a woman with a knife in one hand and fire in the other.
"Unhand that man!" yelled Dmitri. The woman smirked.
"Yeah, or what, the junior baby squad is going to give it to me?" The woman thrust out her flaming hand at the five, summoning a giant ball of flames. Pyotr jumped out of the way easily, though the end of his skirt was seared by the flames, and he landed on bad footing. The others hadn't done too well against the fire as well. Dmitri was standing, still attempting to look in charge, powerful, but Pyotr could tell he was in pain, and Morti had been hurt by the full blast. JIro had somehow not managed to be in the blast, and Dominik was just holding zir sword in front of zir like it was going to do something.
All in all, the Junior Baby Squad had been dealt a pretty devestating blow. But Pyotr drew an arrow to his bow, aiming at the woman's left hand, the one with the knife in it. He let the arrow fly, glistening with silver light- and it missed. The woman laughed. "Aw, look, you're so cute." Dominik jumped forward, attempting to slash her with zir sword, but she got out of the way. "Are you going to hurt me with your big, ultra cool double sword?" Jiro shot at her, but shooting people wasn't Jiro's strong suit.
Morti prayed to Oppo, healing the wounds of the group somewhat, and the woman attacked again, sending a blast of fire to meet with Dmitri's own blast of luminous energy. They hit each other in the air and destroyed one another. "We need to think together." said Dominik, telepathically. Zir hand went to zir gun holster, clearly planning a different strategy. "We should all shoot as one. Like right... now!"
Dominik pulled zir gun on the woman, who struck at zir hand with her knife, knocking the gun out of Dominik's hand as it fired. But Jiro and Pyotr both used this opportunity to shoot at the distracted woman with their bows, and Dmitri with another luminous beam, this one an eldritch blast.
The woman was stunned by the assault, and dropped the knife to run. Down an alley, the woman jumped into a car to escape. "Get on the car!" screamed Dmitri to Pyotr. "You're the only one here that can fly!" Pyotr leaped into the air, jumping on the back of the car. The woman inside screamed. "HELP! HELP!" The car sped off, and Pyotr struggled to hold on. Concentrating, as the car stopped at a traffic section Pyotr imagined two bricks in front of the front tires of the car, no, larger than bricks, two obstructions that would be large enough to stop the car. As the traffic signs indicated it was safe to begin driving once more, the car did not move forward, clearly obstructed by something. Yes! Hopefully the others weren't far behind, and could help Pyotr out.
The woman dashed out of the car, running across the street to a police officer. "Officer! Officer, help, this mad woman, man, whoever it is tried to rob me, when I tried to run they followed me onto my car! Please, please help me!"
The officer patted the woman on the shoulder. "Alright, whoever you are, you're under arrest!"
"What? No! This woman was trying to rob a man, and I was trying to stop her. MY friends are coming with the man, they'll confirm that."
Morti, Jiro, Dominik, and Dmitri were coming with the man, but when he saw Pyotr he pointed right at him. "Aye, aye, that one's a thief. Beselda, are you alright?"
"I sure am." said the woman. "Or at least, I am now."
"That's not what happened at all!" Morti began to explain. "That man was being robbed, or so we thought, by that woman, we tried to help him!" Dmitri explained what Morti was signing to the officer, but he shook his head at them both.
"All you children are under arrest!"
--
Jiro, Dmitri, and Pyotr were all placed in a cell together, and Dominik and Morti were in the other cell. "Alright, kids, who are you parents?"
"Tsaritsa Anya and Tsar Helorie." said Dmitri. "I'm the heir, by the way, Tsesarevich Dmitri."
"And I'm the Empress of Xiaomen." replied the officer, handing the boys an instructional pamphlet. "Really, who are your parents?"
"We just told you!" exclaimed Dmitri. "Um, isn't it well known that the heir has a power suit, just like this one?"
"His is blue and gold, not red." said the officer.
"Yeah, I painted it." said Dmitri. "Pyotr, you tell them."
"Um, don't people know I have magical powers? I can transform and stuff?"
"I thought you kids were snakes or something."
"No. You're thinking of our sister." said Dmitri.
"I don't buy your story. IT's frankly ridiculous. And you, kid number three, who are your parents? President Valana and whoever she had that bald kid with?"
"Victoria is actually adopted." explained Jiro. "Um, and no, but close. Um, you wouldn't believe me if I told you who my parents were."
"Try me."
"I really don't think you would."
"Look kid." said the officer, clearly fed up with these children, "Tell me who your parents are and how I can contact them or you're going to spend a few hours in the pear wriggler."
"Xander and Illiam! Xander and Illiam are my parents!" said Jiro.
The officer snarled, slamming her fist against the table. "A Xander worshipper?"
"Actually, no, I don't worship my father, it's kind of awkward, it causes a lot of tension in the family, it's-"
"Hello!" The door swung open, to reveal a petite blonde man. "I am here to retrieve these children."
"That seems reasonable." said the officer, handing the man her keys. Pyotr looked him over. Was he their vaguely wacky but good uncle Elian, or Jiro's father, Illiam, one of the Emperors of Hell? The way they usually told was that Elian had been told the correct method of Dmitri/Pyotr identification, and Illiam the wrong way. But right now, they were clearly different, Pyotr in his transformed uniform and Dmitri in his power suit. The man, whoever he was, unlocked the cells. "Hi kids!"
"Hi..." Jiro looked at the man especially anxiously. Did Illiam or Elian recognize his own son or nephew?
He unlocked the cell with Dominik and Morti in it as well. "Well, kids, how about we go get some ice cream?"
--
The Ashbur, who had not responded to questions about which Ashbur he was non-enigmatically, took another bite of cookie dough ice cream. "And so, I hope you've learned a very important lesson about fighting crime."
"Um, what lesson would that be?" asked Dominik.
"Well, Dominik, I think the lesson is to bring Sevvie along next time. Also, do not let yourselves get arrested. Also, Dmitri, a power suit is not an excuse for not properly hiding your identity. Really, there are a lot of lessons. I hope you are not educated on all of them."
"Um, I don't think Sevvie coming along is a good idea." said Jiro. "She might totally kill everyone."
"I'm sure your sister will not totally kill everyone. Also, you're going to have to take your ice cream to go, I need to take you home before Dmitri and Pyotr's father shows up. Come on, Jiro."
Jiro waved goodbye to his friends as he exited with a man who was either his father or his uncle. As he left out one door, a frantic, nervous Helorie entered in the other. "Dmitri? Pyotr? You're fine? We thought you were kidnapped."
"Kidnapped? We're just having some ice cream, dad, are we not allowed to leave the palace?" asked Dmitri.
"It's good ice cream. Do you want some?" Pyotr offered his cone to his father, who took it and tasted it.
Helorie stuck out his tongue slightly. "Butterscotch. No thank you, Pyotr. We have ice cream at home."
Dmitri shrugged. "We decided to go out and have a good time with our friends. Goodbye, our friends, I guess."
"Goodbye, our friends!" replied Morti. "Are you two going home now?"
"I guess."
Helorie nodded. "Yes, the boys are going home. I missed a very important meeting because of you two!"
Dmitri put on the "not actually sorry" face. "Aw, dad, I'm so sorry, that sucks."
Helorie rolled his eyes. "Anyway, Morti, Dominik, sorry for stealing these two away from you, but they're going home."
--
"Admit it."
"Admit what?" asked Dmitri.
Pyotr sighed. He thought it was obvious. "That this was the worst idea you've ever had."
"It was actually great, and we're totally doing it again, yeah, Sevvie, she'll be a great addition to the Junior Baby Squad."
"Dont' tell me that's going to be our name."
"Okay, what about something else with JBS as initials? Jamazing Bwonderful Squad."
"Dmitri."
"Jazzy, Beautiful Squad."
"Dmitri."
"Or oh, I've got it. The Justice Bringing Squad!"
"Dmitri. I swear to the gods that is the worst one yet."
Author's Notes: The longest sniplet so far and number 10. It is one of my favorites, and I hope it is one of your favorites too. Yet another sniplet originally released in multiple parts, it was a four-parter. Also very long, pushing the boundaries of the sniplet.
Length: 3343 words
Date: February 17th
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