"Danill, I'm pregnant." Danill stared, seemingly not understanding, at Cassandra. "Danill, did you hear me?"
"How... how could this happen? How could this be?" asked Danill.
Cassandra rolled her eyes. "Well honey, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much-"
"But we used protection!"
"We used those 'all-natural' condoms that looked like they were invented in the 13th century. Sometimes, Danill, people invent modern things because the previous version sucked."
"How far along are you? Will they know at the wedding? Cassandra, can we even still have the wedding?"
Cassandra rolled her eyes. "I'd say I'm probably a little more than 2 months along. I missed my second period last week, and it'd seem to match."
"You had already missed a period? Why didn't you check?"
"Every woman misses at least a few periods, Danill. It's not a huge deal."
"Aren't women supposed to throw up when they're pregnant? You've been fine, as far as I've seen."
"Around 50% of women don't get morning sickness. Anyway, after last week I did decide to check, just to be safe, and look, here we are."
"Is it a boy or a girl? How many weeks along are you?"
"All I did was take a home pregnancy test, they can't tell you that! And um, well, I'd say probably eight."
"A home pregnancy test. So it might not be accurate?"
"Yeah, maybe I'm just getting fat and hormonal naturally, Danill, and I've missed my last two periods because, who knows, my body decided to give me a break."
Danill made his way to the couch, sitting down. "We'll have to cancel the wedding. Or, do you think we'll still be able to hide it in three months? Nobody can know."
Cassandra threw up her arms in frustration. "Actually, I was just about to call my parents! Danill, I'm the one pregnant here, and I'm perfectly fine with it. We'll take the dress back, get a new one, and the wedding will go as planned. Plus, won't it be sweet to tell our child that they were there with us on that very special day?"
"But what will my parents think! They'll be so ashamed. I'll have you know they didn't have sex until the day they were married. Or like, even, the day after that."
"Your father, maybe. Your mother... she's told me some pretty interesting stories, Danill."
"But she's always so angry at Helorie for having a child out of wedlock!"
"Um, I'm pretty sure she's more upset at him for abandoning his pregnant girlfriend. Which you aren't going to do." Cassandra's eyes narrowed. "Are you?"
Danill collapsed, sobbing. "Of course not, Cassie, but.... this is just.. so much! A wedding! A baby!"
"We can have a braby shower. Or should it be a babal shower? Hm, need to work on the word combination. Anyway, dear, you get your feelings together, I'm going to call my dads, then we can talk about baby names."
***
Cassandra walked up to the counter of the "Beautiful Celebrations" dress store. The woman at the counter, Delfina, recognized Cassandra and waved hello.
"Hi Cassie! It's so lovely to see you again! Oh, there's the dress. Is there something wrong with it?"
"No, there isn't, it's a very beautiful dress, but my fiancee and I have discovered we'll be expecting a little visitor a few months after the wedding, and..."
"Oh, say no more! We can easily take it back, and we've got so many beautiful dresses in the back for our expecting brides. Don't worry, if you pick one out today or in the next week or so we'll be able to get it to you on time. Now, when exactly will your visitor be coming?"
"The midwife says around four months after the wedding."
"So a wedding at five months along... that's the perfect time, not the first trimester or the last. Come on, I'll show you the maternity dresses, you can pick the perfect one. Now, are you looking to hide the bump, or show it off?"
"Oh, show it off, definitely."
***
Sebastian and Georg, were, of course, the first to arrive at the "Braby" shower after Cassandra and Danill. "Oh, look who it is, our beautiful bride- and mother- to be!" Sebastian ran in to hug Cassandra, who blushed.
"Oh, stop it, dad. You're embarrasing me." But she meant it jokingly, and Sebastian knew that. Unlike certain other siblings, Cassandra found her dad's affection endearing, rather than humiliating. "I'm so glad you two aren't mad or anything, but I knew you wouldn't be."
"Cassie, if it was physically possible I would have accidentally knocked up your dad way before our wedding day." said Georg, taking two wrapped presents out of the trunk of the car. "You're going to be a mom, and you're going to be a bride, and I'll finally have another grandkid. Probably the last for a while too, unless you and Danill have more."
Cassandra shook her head. "After this one's born, they're going to be the only one for a while. Danill's going to stay at home to take care of her. Not like he has a real job anyway."
"I heard that!" said Danill, coming outside of the community center with a very large sign. "Hello Sebastian, hello Georg. I'm so glad you could come early to help us set up."
Cassandra looked at the sign. It read, "Only All-Natural Gifts Will Be Accepted." Shrieking, she grabbed the sign from Danill. "Why in the world did you think this would be acceptable?"
"I want our baby to grow up in a healthy, toxin-free enviroment!" protested Danill.
"If you don't take that sign inside and in the trash this moment, I'm going to wear a meat dress to the wedding, I swear."
Danill sighed as he folded the sign up. "Sorry, baby, you will grow up in a polluted, synthetic world."
***
The community center was full of relatives. Cassandra and Danill had, of course, invited all their relatives, not just the female ones, and everyone has having a nice time, eating quinoa salad and samosas, which Sebastian had brought. Kir had even brought his boyfriend, a young psychiatrist named Illiam, and he turned out to actually be a charming, interesting man, not like Kir's other dumpy boyfriends.
Cassie suddenly heard her cell phone ring. It was Xander, who had said he was going to be late. "Hello, Cassandra here."
"Cassandra, it is me, your brother Xander. I know I told you I would attend the Braby Shower, but I was just about to leave work when a man was rushed to our hospital, he needs emergency surgery and I am the only person free. I'm sorry, but i'm just about to scrub in, I won't be able to attend."
"Oh, Xander, it's fine, my braby shower isn't as important as that man's life, go save him! I hope I'll see you at the wedding."
"I have the day off, I know I shall attend. Tell everyone I say "hello", except for our fathers."
Cassandra laughed at that. "Okay. Bye, Xanny."
"Goodbye, Cassandra."
Cassandra put her phone down and addressed the crowd. "Xander can't make it, he has to save someone's life! Also, he says hi!"
"Who is Xander?" whispered Illiam to Kir.
"The bride's annoying, hateful brother." hissed Kir. "I despise him."
***
Cassandra opened yet another gift. "Alright, guys, this one is from my dads. Oh, look, they have two cards." Cassandra took out the first one, labeled "1" on it. It was a card from the father of the bride. Georg had hastilly edited it in sharpie to add "s"s to the end of each dad and father, and cross out some apostrophes. In some cases, the grammar actually got worse. "It's every fathers' dream to see his daughter become a bride.... so happy to soon share this special moment with you."
"Is that really your dream, dads, to see each one of us hitched?" asked Daniys, official best woman (Daniys had objected to being called a maid, even if it was of honor) and future goddessmother to the baby. "Because you can count that out for me."
"Okay, give me the card again, I'll change that to 'see his cassandra become a bride.'" said Georg. But Cassandra kept the card, putting it with the others, and opened Card 2.
"I'm ready to be a grandfathers!" read Cassandra. "Really, dads, are you ready to become multiple people each? Is there something you need to tell me?" She opened the cards. "Your old dads will be looking out for you. Love, dad. And also dad. Thanks, Dads." She opened the first large gift, revealing a baby activity center. "Aw, and it's just the one we wanted. You'll spend many hours playing with those multi-colored shapes, won't you, baby?" Cassandra gently patted her now expanding tummy, wondering if the baby was actually able to feel it. "Okay, the second gift...." Cassandra opened the second gift, revealing a plate set. "Plates! Who doesn't need them! Oh, these are the nice floral ones, too. Danill, remember when you said no, don't put them on the registry, nobody will buy them, well now here they are, and they're beautiful, and I love them. Go put this in the corner, dear. Thank you."
"This is a gift from Messel, who could not be here but will hopefully be at the wedding." said Lukas, handing over a gift bag. Cassandra pulled out the gift, a book.
"HTML for babies. Of course Messel would buy this. I-" Cassandra was interupted by Kir's shrieking.
"YOU ARE A VILE LITTLE MAN! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" Kir sprung to his feet and began kicking Illiam, who was sitting down with a smug grin on his face.
"Alright, fine, I'm leaving! Hope to never see you again! Sorry, um, Carlotta-"
"It's Cassandra."
Illiam leaped over a table as Kir chased him and gave Cassandra a gift. "Ah, sorry! Well, have a nice baby, or wedding, I'm not really sure what shower this is anymore, I've got to- Jesus Christ Kir, don't hit me- go!" Illiam ran out of the braby shower, Kir chasing him all the way. Cassandra stared at the gift in her hands.
"I hope it's not a bomb." said Danill.
"Why would it be a bomb? Get some sense in your head, Danill." Cassandra took off the card. It had a smiling couple looking up at the sun. "Happy Baby. Oh, he crossed off baby and wrote wedding. And then he crossed that off and wrote baby with a question mark. Okay. From Kir and Illiam."
"Did Kir just let his boyfriend handle gift-giving?" asked Danill. "Come on, Kir, you're the godfather of this child."
"I still vote that I should be made godfather." said Esfir. "I would do a much better job than Kir."
"Esfir, if this gift is shitty, I will officially make you godfather." said Danill. "Despite the fact you are not technically qualified for the role." Esfir leaned back, mumbled something, and watched the gift be opened.
"It's... a teddy bear. With a timer. What is the timer for?"
"Time outs!" said Kir, coming back in the room, "When it's time for the baby to have a time-out! Look!" Kir took the bear from Cassandra, pulling the timer it back. Loudly, the bear shrieked, "YOU'RE IN TROUBLE, KID! YOU'VE DONE BAD! YOU'VE DONE VERY BAD! YOU ARE A BAD CHILD!"
Cassandra and Danill looked at each other as one. "Esfir, I officially name you godfather of this child."
Esfir pulled her hands down triumphantly. "Yes! Who's the baby gift champion now, the one who got them a car seat!"
Author's Notes:
This is another good story I enjoy. The part at the beginning is a little boring and researchy, but the braby shower is good. I read it to my mom and she liked it, which is probably the grand test of all sniplets.
Length: 1950 words
Date: March 26th, 2015
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