Xander patted a still agitated Illiam down with a cool, wet rag. “Illiam. Illiam. How do you feel now?”
“Xander, do you ever feel like we’re good parents to Sevvie, and bad parents to Jiro?”
“I do not feel like that, but it is obvious that you do.”
“It’s like, for Sevvie, we’ll get her only the best, for for Jiro, anything will do. Anything is fine. Is that normal for second children?”
“I do not think so. I was my parents second child, and for me, they only wished the best, as overbearing and horrid as it often was. And when Lukas and Cassandra came, they only doted more attention on us, even hiring a nanny to help.”
“Xander, you are your parents first child, and I literally forgot your life experiences don’t count because you grew up in a mansion.”
Xander frowned. “My life experiences are very important, and should be highly valued. Also, Ehimay.”
“Okay, dear.” Illiam stared at his hands. “We have to do something. We have to actually make this special for Jiro. We have to make this birthday special.”
“Do you not think it is special enough?”
“Sevvie’s birthday had countless decorations, two musical numbers and a real reindeer!”
“I don’t remember that part.” said Xander.
“That’s because I thought you would be afraid of it!” said Illiam. “I kept you inside and Jeh watched the kids as they pet the reindeer..”
“Why would I be afraid of a reindeer?” questioned Xander.
“It is very similar to a horse!” said Illiam. Illiam stood up, and Xander pulled the rag away. “I’m getting dressed, I have to leave. I have to do everything all over.”
“Xander, do you ever feel like we’re good parents to Sevvie, and bad parents to Jiro?”
“I do not feel like that, but it is obvious that you do.”
“It’s like, for Sevvie, we’ll get her only the best, for for Jiro, anything will do. Anything is fine. Is that normal for second children?”
“I do not think so. I was my parents second child, and for me, they only wished the best, as overbearing and horrid as it often was. And when Lukas and Cassandra came, they only doted more attention on us, even hiring a nanny to help.”
“Xander, you are your parents first child, and I literally forgot your life experiences don’t count because you grew up in a mansion.”
Xander frowned. “My life experiences are very important, and should be highly valued. Also, Ehimay.”
“Okay, dear.” Illiam stared at his hands. “We have to do something. We have to actually make this special for Jiro. We have to make this birthday special.”
“Do you not think it is special enough?”
“Sevvie’s birthday had countless decorations, two musical numbers and a real reindeer!”
“I don’t remember that part.” said Xander.
“That’s because I thought you would be afraid of it!” said Illiam. “I kept you inside and Jeh watched the kids as they pet the reindeer..”
“Why would I be afraid of a reindeer?” questioned Xander.
“It is very similar to a horse!” said Illiam. Illiam stood up, and Xander pulled the rag away. “I’m getting dressed, I have to leave. I have to do everything all over.”
Going through the aisles of the party supply store, Illiam called yet another number. “Hi, this is Illiam, Sevvie and Jiro’s dad.”
“Um, we remember who you are, Illiam.” said Mateus. “But why are you calling us at this hour?”
“Look, I know that it is 1 in the morning, and I know that your son isn’t really friends with Jiro, but he’s having a birthday tomorrow and no other children are coming, I know it’s last minute but it would really mean a lot.”
“We’d love to come, but you could have called us in the morning.”
“Right, I know, sorry. Um, you remember the address, right?’
“Yes, we’ll be there. What time does it start?”
“In 12 hours, 1.”
“Okay, thank you.” Mateus hung up, and Illiam dialed another number.
“....Illiam, it is one in the morning. Um, why are you calling us? Is something wrong with Xander? Or Sevvie?! Or Jiro!?” Sebastian began to panic over the phone.
“Yeah, something is wrong. Jiro is devastated by the fact that you can’t come to his party. And so am I. I know you’ve got important business things to do, but children can’t understand that. It’s bad enough that most of his relatives aren’t coming, and none of his schoolmates. He doesn’t need his grandparents being a no-show.”
The phone was silent for a long time. “Illiam, I…. I understand that this is very important for you and Jiro, but…. I can’t just not show up to my previous engagement. It’s very important for my-”
“Alright, fine, make whatever excuses you want! Just don’t be surprised when Jiro asks you why you don’t love him!” Illiam hung up before Sebastian could respond. His phone lit up, incoming call from Sebastian Nesline. Illiam declined the call and looked at two sets of plates. The phone lit up a second time, and as Illiam looked at plates, deciding which to buy. After deciding on the second set, Illiam pressed decline again. He had probably been too harsh. He didn’t care. You didn’t get people to do things for you by being nice to them. You got people to do things for you by slapping them in the face.
Illiam’s phone lit up again. It was Georg, this time. Illiam rejected it, like all the others, then opened up his phone and began to dial Cassandra.
“Um, we remember who you are, Illiam.” said Mateus. “But why are you calling us at this hour?”
“Look, I know that it is 1 in the morning, and I know that your son isn’t really friends with Jiro, but he’s having a birthday tomorrow and no other children are coming, I know it’s last minute but it would really mean a lot.”
“We’d love to come, but you could have called us in the morning.”
“Right, I know, sorry. Um, you remember the address, right?’
“Yes, we’ll be there. What time does it start?”
“In 12 hours, 1.”
“Okay, thank you.” Mateus hung up, and Illiam dialed another number.
“....Illiam, it is one in the morning. Um, why are you calling us? Is something wrong with Xander? Or Sevvie?! Or Jiro!?” Sebastian began to panic over the phone.
“Yeah, something is wrong. Jiro is devastated by the fact that you can’t come to his party. And so am I. I know you’ve got important business things to do, but children can’t understand that. It’s bad enough that most of his relatives aren’t coming, and none of his schoolmates. He doesn’t need his grandparents being a no-show.”
The phone was silent for a long time. “Illiam, I…. I understand that this is very important for you and Jiro, but…. I can’t just not show up to my previous engagement. It’s very important for my-”
“Alright, fine, make whatever excuses you want! Just don’t be surprised when Jiro asks you why you don’t love him!” Illiam hung up before Sebastian could respond. His phone lit up, incoming call from Sebastian Nesline. Illiam declined the call and looked at two sets of plates. The phone lit up a second time, and as Illiam looked at plates, deciding which to buy. After deciding on the second set, Illiam pressed decline again. He had probably been too harsh. He didn’t care. You didn’t get people to do things for you by being nice to them. You got people to do things for you by slapping them in the face.
Illiam’s phone lit up again. It was Georg, this time. Illiam rejected it, like all the others, then opened up his phone and began to dial Cassandra.
Jiro woke up on the morning of his birthday party to his father moving the bookshelf in his room. “Dad! What are you doing!”
“I do not know.” said Xander. “Your other father insisted on it. We are going to make your room into... “ Xander looked at the card. “Um, the Slytherin Common Room. Are you a Slytherin, son? I feel as if they are the most identifiable house.”
“Yeah, Slytherins are cool. Um, that wasn’t in the plans, though. Did you and dad change the plans last night?”
Xander stared out with his sleep deprived eyes at his son. “Oh, Jiro. You have no idea.”
“I do not know.” said Xander. “Your other father insisted on it. We are going to make your room into... “ Xander looked at the card. “Um, the Slytherin Common Room. Are you a Slytherin, son? I feel as if they are the most identifiable house.”
“Yeah, Slytherins are cool. Um, that wasn’t in the plans, though. Did you and dad change the plans last night?”
Xander stared out with his sleep deprived eyes at his son. “Oh, Jiro. You have no idea.”
“This is my fifth cup of coffee this morning!” said Illiam, putting his coffee mug underneath the fancy cup coffee dispenser. “Good morning son!”
“Wow, this is just like Harry Potter!” said Jiro. “How did the decorations transform overnight?”
“I bought new ones!” exclaimed Illiam, laughing slightly. “They’re much cooler, right Jiro! Right!”
“Yeah!” exclaimed Jiro. But then he frowned. “But it’s not like anyone’s going to see them.”
“More people are coming to your party!” said Illiam. “I called them! Like Cadis! You like Cadis, right?”
“Cadis is cool.” said Jiro with a smile. “Dad, you’re the best.” Jiro hugged Iliam, who tried not to spill his coffee on his child.
“What about me?” asked Xander. “Am I not also the best?”
“You’re cool too! I love you both, dads!”
“GROUP HUG!” proclaimed Sevvie, moving herself in as well.
“Wow, this is just like Harry Potter!” said Jiro. “How did the decorations transform overnight?”
“I bought new ones!” exclaimed Illiam, laughing slightly. “They’re much cooler, right Jiro! Right!”
“Yeah!” exclaimed Jiro. But then he frowned. “But it’s not like anyone’s going to see them.”
“More people are coming to your party!” said Illiam. “I called them! Like Cadis! You like Cadis, right?”
“Cadis is cool.” said Jiro with a smile. “Dad, you’re the best.” Jiro hugged Iliam, who tried not to spill his coffee on his child.
“What about me?” asked Xander. “Am I not also the best?”
“You’re cool too! I love you both, dads!”
“GROUP HUG!” proclaimed Sevvie, moving herself in as well.
Anya, Helorie, Dmitri, Pyotr, Varya, Jiro, Sevvie, Elato, Mateus, Cadis, Jeh, Isha, Vara, Alice, and Morti lined up at the fake brick wall that was the entrance to Diagon Alley. Illiam, looking as someone had poured sugar directly into his mouth and dressed in wizard robes, jumped into view. “Hello, everyone! Welcome to Diagon Alley. I’m Headmaster Illiam Ashbur, the head at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which you’ve all been accepted to!” Illiam handed out Hogwarts Acceptance letters to all the guests and his children. “Wow! Astonishing! This means that you are all wizards!”
Almost all the children, and some of the adults cheered. “But before you can go to Hogwarts, we have to get school supplies! Now, wait, who remembers how to get into Diagon Alley?’
Dmitri’s hand shot up like a rocket. “You tap the bricks!”
“That’s right!” said Illiam. “Who wants to tap them!?” The children stepped forward to tap the bricks, and Xander, on the other side, slid the door open. “Here we are! But look! We have to buy all these school supplies, but we don’t have any money!”
“What, we have to have capitalism in a simulation designed for children?” questioned Elato.
“Let’s go to Gringotts Bank!” said Illiam, skipping down the fake Alley. “Oh, look, they’ve got an ATM now!”
“An ATM?” questioned Anya. “Really?”
“It’s Amazing Tender Magic!” said Illiam. “Wave your hand at the dispenser, and the contents of your account will be dispensed! Who wants to try it first?!”
Cadis approached. “Um, do I just wave my hand like this?”
Xander, on the other side, poured the fake money through the slot. “WOW!” said Cadis. “Real Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts! Try it out, dads!”
Elato stepped forward. “I dunno why my child has a different bank account than me, but sure.”
Once everyone’s money was dispensed, Illiam attempted to grab the attention of the guests again. “Okay! Everyone! Let’s see what we need to buy! Robes and hats, so we look like real wizards! Potions and other school supplies! A wand! And maybe, if we save our money, we will even have enough for a pet! A Cat, toad, or owl!”
“What about a broomstick?” asked Pyotr.
“First years are not allowed broomsticks!” said Illiam.
“Are my parents first years?” asked Pyotr.
“Yes! They were… recently identified as wizards. Now they have to be first years like the rest of you! Hogwarts rules! Let’s get clothes!” Illiam leaped over to the clothing store, where Xander stood behind the fake storefront, with the robes.
“Here are all the robes I have. I hope they shall fit you.” The children eagerly approached, exchanging coins to Xander for robes and hats, and the adults shortly after them. Illiam clappped his hands.
“Okay… now we go to Ollivanders! Look, it’s Ollivander’s new assistant! Xander!”
“It is me.” said Xander. “Children, adults, it is time for you to get a wand. But let us remember, the wand chooses the wizard, not the wizard chooses the wand. So every wand you pick must truly suit you, or it is not a good wand.” The children came forth to be given their wands. Xander gave each of them a few wands, and randomly pressed a button to emit sparkles and light from the sparkle machine in the back once he thought they had had enough. He would say random things after each wand, like “Holly, slightly springy, dragon heartstring.”
Once all the children and adults had their wands, they moved over to the next shop. “Here we have school supplies!” said Illiam. “Look, cauldrons, inks, quills, parchment, and phials! Good thing you can buy them all together! In this excellent deal!”
Xander just started handing out cauldrons to the children, who gave them more coins, and then the adults. “Well, children, our books are inside, and let’s see, do we have enough money for a pet?”
The children cheered as they saw that they did, and wandered over to the pet shop, where there were stuffed animal cats, toads, and owls, and even a rat. They were mostly beanie babies. Most of the kids picked cats and owls, but Pyotr chose a rat. Jiro, as birthday boy, was given a real stuffed owl, just like Hedwig.
“Well, our money is gone and our supplies are bought!” screamed Illiam. “Let’s go to King’s Cross Station!” By this he meant the back of his house.The back wall of the house had been made to look like different railway platforms, but where was platform 9 and ¾?
Of course, just like in the books, it was between platforms 9 and 10, and was cunningly made of cloth and flapped open into the open back door. “It’s Platform 9 ¾!” said Alice, running through the door. The other children followed after her, and then the adults.
“Well, look, here we are at Hogwarts! Look, it’s Deputy Headmistress von Wolff!!”
Sevvie almost let out a shriek and Jiro smiled widely when they saw their Aunt Thalia, coming behind a corner. “Welcome, children and adults, to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The sorting feast is about to begin, let us go to the great hall and be sorted at once.”
They all followed Thalia to the dining room, where five tables had been set up to look like the tables of Hogwarts and the Staff Table. The Sorting Hat sat on a stool, and the Von Brandt children, already in costume, sat scattered between the tables. Their mother, Brigitta, sat at the head table, wearing wizard robes and an eyepatch, and Daniys was next to her. As the crowd gathered in front of the sorting hat, it began to sing, with Xander’s voice….
“Oh, I may be very old and now quite dusty,
but if you don’t respect this hat you’re rather fussy!
If you don’t obey the hat you’ll be in for quite a shock!
So listen up, stop chatting and listen to me talk!
Many years ago four founders made this school,
In it they were absolute, truly they did rule,
But that was centuries ago, now they are very dead
So to know where you’ll go you’ll put me on your head!
You might be put in Gryffindor, for those brave of heart,
Those with daring and nerve, it’s there they’ll make their start!
You might be put in Ravenclaw, for those who are clever and wise,
Those of other houses would do well to listen when they advise!
You may be put in Hufflepuff, for those who’ve really got their stuff,
What a great house, Hufflepuff, truly a house that’s not full of fluff,
The last and greatest of all houses is old Slytherin,
If you’re cunning and ambitious its there you’ll fit in!
So put me on, upon your head, and I’ll tell you where to go!
To start your adventure at Hogwarts that one thing must you know!”
Everyone clapped for the hat. Great Job, Hat. Great Job, Xander, for literally coming up with this song twenty minutes before he had to sing it.
Illiam clapped for the hat, and Thalia approached. “Alright, the first student to be sorted… Ashbur-Nesline, Jiro!”
Jiro approached the sorting hat, putting it on his head. “Um…. hi hat.”
“Hello, Jiro.” whispered Xander. “It is me, the hat. You know where I think you should be? SLYTHERIN!” Jiro excitedly got up, put the hat on the stool, and walked over to the Slytherin table, where one of the von Brandnt children was already sitting.
“Welcome to Slytherin!” said the child, clapping his hand against Jiro’s.
Almost all the children, and some of the adults cheered. “But before you can go to Hogwarts, we have to get school supplies! Now, wait, who remembers how to get into Diagon Alley?’
Dmitri’s hand shot up like a rocket. “You tap the bricks!”
“That’s right!” said Illiam. “Who wants to tap them!?” The children stepped forward to tap the bricks, and Xander, on the other side, slid the door open. “Here we are! But look! We have to buy all these school supplies, but we don’t have any money!”
“What, we have to have capitalism in a simulation designed for children?” questioned Elato.
“Let’s go to Gringotts Bank!” said Illiam, skipping down the fake Alley. “Oh, look, they’ve got an ATM now!”
“An ATM?” questioned Anya. “Really?”
“It’s Amazing Tender Magic!” said Illiam. “Wave your hand at the dispenser, and the contents of your account will be dispensed! Who wants to try it first?!”
Cadis approached. “Um, do I just wave my hand like this?”
Xander, on the other side, poured the fake money through the slot. “WOW!” said Cadis. “Real Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts! Try it out, dads!”
Elato stepped forward. “I dunno why my child has a different bank account than me, but sure.”
Once everyone’s money was dispensed, Illiam attempted to grab the attention of the guests again. “Okay! Everyone! Let’s see what we need to buy! Robes and hats, so we look like real wizards! Potions and other school supplies! A wand! And maybe, if we save our money, we will even have enough for a pet! A Cat, toad, or owl!”
“What about a broomstick?” asked Pyotr.
“First years are not allowed broomsticks!” said Illiam.
“Are my parents first years?” asked Pyotr.
“Yes! They were… recently identified as wizards. Now they have to be first years like the rest of you! Hogwarts rules! Let’s get clothes!” Illiam leaped over to the clothing store, where Xander stood behind the fake storefront, with the robes.
“Here are all the robes I have. I hope they shall fit you.” The children eagerly approached, exchanging coins to Xander for robes and hats, and the adults shortly after them. Illiam clappped his hands.
“Okay… now we go to Ollivanders! Look, it’s Ollivander’s new assistant! Xander!”
“It is me.” said Xander. “Children, adults, it is time for you to get a wand. But let us remember, the wand chooses the wizard, not the wizard chooses the wand. So every wand you pick must truly suit you, or it is not a good wand.” The children came forth to be given their wands. Xander gave each of them a few wands, and randomly pressed a button to emit sparkles and light from the sparkle machine in the back once he thought they had had enough. He would say random things after each wand, like “Holly, slightly springy, dragon heartstring.”
Once all the children and adults had their wands, they moved over to the next shop. “Here we have school supplies!” said Illiam. “Look, cauldrons, inks, quills, parchment, and phials! Good thing you can buy them all together! In this excellent deal!”
Xander just started handing out cauldrons to the children, who gave them more coins, and then the adults. “Well, children, our books are inside, and let’s see, do we have enough money for a pet?”
The children cheered as they saw that they did, and wandered over to the pet shop, where there were stuffed animal cats, toads, and owls, and even a rat. They were mostly beanie babies. Most of the kids picked cats and owls, but Pyotr chose a rat. Jiro, as birthday boy, was given a real stuffed owl, just like Hedwig.
“Well, our money is gone and our supplies are bought!” screamed Illiam. “Let’s go to King’s Cross Station!” By this he meant the back of his house.The back wall of the house had been made to look like different railway platforms, but where was platform 9 and ¾?
Of course, just like in the books, it was between platforms 9 and 10, and was cunningly made of cloth and flapped open into the open back door. “It’s Platform 9 ¾!” said Alice, running through the door. The other children followed after her, and then the adults.
“Well, look, here we are at Hogwarts! Look, it’s Deputy Headmistress von Wolff!!”
Sevvie almost let out a shriek and Jiro smiled widely when they saw their Aunt Thalia, coming behind a corner. “Welcome, children and adults, to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The sorting feast is about to begin, let us go to the great hall and be sorted at once.”
They all followed Thalia to the dining room, where five tables had been set up to look like the tables of Hogwarts and the Staff Table. The Sorting Hat sat on a stool, and the Von Brandt children, already in costume, sat scattered between the tables. Their mother, Brigitta, sat at the head table, wearing wizard robes and an eyepatch, and Daniys was next to her. As the crowd gathered in front of the sorting hat, it began to sing, with Xander’s voice….
“Oh, I may be very old and now quite dusty,
but if you don’t respect this hat you’re rather fussy!
If you don’t obey the hat you’ll be in for quite a shock!
So listen up, stop chatting and listen to me talk!
Many years ago four founders made this school,
In it they were absolute, truly they did rule,
But that was centuries ago, now they are very dead
So to know where you’ll go you’ll put me on your head!
You might be put in Gryffindor, for those brave of heart,
Those with daring and nerve, it’s there they’ll make their start!
You might be put in Ravenclaw, for those who are clever and wise,
Those of other houses would do well to listen when they advise!
You may be put in Hufflepuff, for those who’ve really got their stuff,
What a great house, Hufflepuff, truly a house that’s not full of fluff,
The last and greatest of all houses is old Slytherin,
If you’re cunning and ambitious its there you’ll fit in!
So put me on, upon your head, and I’ll tell you where to go!
To start your adventure at Hogwarts that one thing must you know!”
Everyone clapped for the hat. Great Job, Hat. Great Job, Xander, for literally coming up with this song twenty minutes before he had to sing it.
Illiam clapped for the hat, and Thalia approached. “Alright, the first student to be sorted… Ashbur-Nesline, Jiro!”
Jiro approached the sorting hat, putting it on his head. “Um…. hi hat.”
“Hello, Jiro.” whispered Xander. “It is me, the hat. You know where I think you should be? SLYTHERIN!” Jiro excitedly got up, put the hat on the stool, and walked over to the Slytherin table, where one of the von Brandnt children was already sitting.
“Welcome to Slytherin!” said the child, clapping his hand against Jiro’s.
After about fifteen minutes, all the children and adults were sorted, and sat at the table. Illiam came to the hat and picked it up, replacing it with a podium. “Welcome again, or welcome back, to Hogwarts! I, Headmaster Illiam Ashbur, will be your headmaster this year! Our professors have been delayed this year due to weather, but here are the four professors who are here already! Professor Daniys, our music teacher! Professor Brigitta, our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher! Professor Thalia, who is our Transfiguration teacher! That is all the teachers who have arrived.” Xander showed up from behind a wall. “Oh, yes, and here is my assistant, Xander! Anyway, let us begin the feast!”
Illiam clapped his hands, but the feast did not appear. “Where is the feast? Where has the feast gone?”
Xander gave Illiam a note. Illiam opened the note (which was actually blank) and pretended to be shocked. “Oh dear! Oh dear me! It says… the house elves are on strike! They have formed a labor union, and refuse to work unless they are paid! Well, I guess it is everyone up to their common rooms, no dinner for anyone! You will receive your schedules there.”
Illiam clapped his hands, but the feast did not appear. “Where is the feast? Where has the feast gone?”
Xander gave Illiam a note. Illiam opened the note (which was actually blank) and pretended to be shocked. “Oh dear! Oh dear me! It says… the house elves are on strike! They have formed a labor union, and refuse to work unless they are paid! Well, I guess it is everyone up to their common rooms, no dinner for anyone! You will receive your schedules there.”
Jiro looked around the Slytherin “Common Room”. It was pretty cool to see his bedroom like this. “Okay, schedules! First we have Potions, downstairs! Okay, let’s go!” Everyone gathered in the potions classroom (really, one of the bathrooms) as Lukas stood at the front of the class.
“Um, hi everyone, I’m Professor Lukas, welcome to my class, this is Potions. I hope you guys like potions, because they’re a lot of fun. You see all the jars I’ve got? They are full of ingredients, for potions. Now today we’re going to make a really easy potion, the magical sticky potion, which is known in the muggle world as Oobleck. So let’s put some water in our cauldrons, let’s put four cups in there.”
The kids gathered around to pour the water into their cauldrons. “Well, um, now we’re going to add a special magical powder, this is Nymph dandruff, and um, you can even choose your own final ingredient, Fairy Pus, Dragon Tears, Unicorn Snot, and even Mermaid Bile. We’ll add the cor-Nymph Dandruff really slowly, and then, stir. Stir with your stirrer. When it’s gooey, add more dandruff. You may have to stir it with your hands. You’ll add up to 8 cups of dandruff. When you’re done, add your final ingredient.”
The kids and adults worked on their “Sticky Potion.” “Now, you can play with it, um, don’t eat it, it’s not going to kill you, it just doesn’t taste good, this is a magical fluid, it is a non-newtonian fluid, so it’s kind of like a liquid and a solid, it’s really magical.”
“Um, hi everyone, I’m Professor Lukas, welcome to my class, this is Potions. I hope you guys like potions, because they’re a lot of fun. You see all the jars I’ve got? They are full of ingredients, for potions. Now today we’re going to make a really easy potion, the magical sticky potion, which is known in the muggle world as Oobleck. So let’s put some water in our cauldrons, let’s put four cups in there.”
The kids gathered around to pour the water into their cauldrons. “Well, um, now we’re going to add a special magical powder, this is Nymph dandruff, and um, you can even choose your own final ingredient, Fairy Pus, Dragon Tears, Unicorn Snot, and even Mermaid Bile. We’ll add the cor-Nymph Dandruff really slowly, and then, stir. Stir with your stirrer. When it’s gooey, add more dandruff. You may have to stir it with your hands. You’ll add up to 8 cups of dandruff. When you’re done, add your final ingredient.”
The kids and adults worked on their “Sticky Potion.” “Now, you can play with it, um, don’t eat it, it’s not going to kill you, it just doesn’t taste good, this is a magical fluid, it is a non-newtonian fluid, so it’s kind of like a liquid and a solid, it’s really magical.”
The kids were still playing with their sticky potions when they heard a honk outside. Illiam came to the door. “Alright, it’s time for Herbology! The Herbology Professor is here at last!” They rushed outside to see Danill and Cassandra, dressed in their druidic robes, in a truck. In the back of the truck was Bara and a tree! Bara waved hi to the others as Danill parked the truck and got out.
“Alright, kids, I’m herbology professor Danill Alkavov, and today we’re going to plant a tree!”
“Is it a magical tree?” asked one of the von Brandt children.
“All trees are magical.” said Danill. “They can tell us many things. Does anyone know what kind of tree this is? No? This is an Oak tree. It is a very young tree, which is good, because we were able to take it and rescue it. Okay, guys, let’s go to the back, we’re going to give this tree a new home!”
The children were given shovels to dig a hole for the tree, and many of the adults helped Danill and Cassandra move the tree over to the backyard.
“So, did you aquire this tree legally, or did you just take it, it Harold and Maude style?” asked Elato.
“Definitely Harold and Maude style.” said Cassandra. “Danill’s idea was to chain ourselves to the tree until it was saved, but I dunno, I think this is a more effective idea.”
Once the tree was there, Danill led the replanting efforts. “Alright, there we go, now the tree is in! Let’s put the dirt back, give it some water, and then let’s thank the tree for teaching us a valuable lesson about ourselves.”
Cadis raised his hand. “Um, Professor, what was the lesson?”
“That we can save the trees!”
“Alright, kids, I’m herbology professor Danill Alkavov, and today we’re going to plant a tree!”
“Is it a magical tree?” asked one of the von Brandt children.
“All trees are magical.” said Danill. “They can tell us many things. Does anyone know what kind of tree this is? No? This is an Oak tree. It is a very young tree, which is good, because we were able to take it and rescue it. Okay, guys, let’s go to the back, we’re going to give this tree a new home!”
The children were given shovels to dig a hole for the tree, and many of the adults helped Danill and Cassandra move the tree over to the backyard.
“So, did you aquire this tree legally, or did you just take it, it Harold and Maude style?” asked Elato.
“Definitely Harold and Maude style.” said Cassandra. “Danill’s idea was to chain ourselves to the tree until it was saved, but I dunno, I think this is a more effective idea.”
Once the tree was there, Danill led the replanting efforts. “Alright, there we go, now the tree is in! Let’s put the dirt back, give it some water, and then let’s thank the tree for teaching us a valuable lesson about ourselves.”
Cadis raised his hand. “Um, Professor, what was the lesson?”
“That we can save the trees!”
In the living room of the house, Daniys was seated at a piano. “Okay, kids, are you ready to learn some of the songs in Harry Potter? The Hogwarts song? Something Wicked This Way Comes, which isn’t actually a Harry Potter song but that’s in the movie? Any other songs?”
Elato raised his hands. “Double Trouble was actually written specifically for Harry Potter. Also, do you know “Don’t Be Shy?” from Harold and Maude?”
“That is not Harry Potter related at all, but sure!” said Daniys. “Okay, any other requests? Alright then, let’s begin!”
Around twenty minutes later, the children were all sung out. One of them raised a tiny hand. “Professor Nesline, are any of these songs really magical?”
“All music is magical!” said Daniys. “It brings people closer together. And we can all have a good time. Alright, everyone, it’s time for the next Class. Defense Against the Dark Arts! With the wonderful Professor von Brandt!”
The crowd wandered over to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Brigitta frowned sternly at the children, doing her best to channel her drill sergeant days. “ALright, welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts! This will not be a fun, or easy class! This class is about life and death! When confronted by Evil Wizards, you sometimes only have seconds to cast a spell, jinx, curse or counter-curse before you are instantly slain or injured! So we must learn to- Oh, look! It is the Headmaster!”
“Children, I have terrible news! The sorting hat has been stolen!”
“Hatnapped!” screamed one of the von Brandt children. “He’s been hatnapped!” Some of the children began to cry.
“Luckily, we know his location! He has been taken to the Quidditch Equipment Storage and Equestrian Center.” The blonde pointed to the horse barn, clearly visible through the window.
“Since when does Hogwarts have an equestrian center?” asked Helorie.
“It is a new addition this year. We are very proud. Finally children will be able to ride winged horses, a useful skill. Alright, let’s go!” Everyone made their way to the horse barn. In front of them was a door, covered in a foul-looking liquid.
“Oh no!” said Brigitta. “The doorknob must be poisoned. If only there was something that we could use to absorb the poison.”
The children thought about the problem, then suddenly Little Hans had the answer. “Our sticky potions! We must sacrifice the sticky potion to open the door!” Reaching into his cauldron, he pulled out his oobleck and put it on the door handle, then opened the door. “We did it!” But beyond the door was more of the foul liquid. It followed a path down the aisle between the horse stalls, which had pictures of winged horses taped to them. Xander covered his eyes.
“What shall we do, children, what shall we do?” Jiro blinked.
“Um, dad, I don’t know if you know this, but we can walk around the liquid.” Was the solution to this puzzle supposed to be different? The children walked around the liquid. The adults did so also, except for Anya, who was pretty sure that wheelchairs couldn’t actually be poisoned.
They arrived in the horse arena, which had been made into a maze. The children made their way through the narrow corridors of the maze as Xander showed Anya and Helorie the way around. Zarya was sad she couldn’t go through the maze, but was actually pretty baffled about what was going on, so didn’t protest. They arrived at a fake door, which had a mouth on it.
Xander spoke into his walky-talky, the partner of which had been moved inside the mouth of the fake door. “Before you pass, you must solve the riddle.”
“Alright, dad, give us the riddle!” yelled Sevvie.
“I am not your dad, I am the magical door mouth. I just happen to sound like him. Maybe you need to go to an ear doctor. Er, um, Ear wizard. A wizard who is all ears, and who studies the ear. A-”
“Alright, you can just go on with the riddle.” said Daniys.
“I have bark but no bite, I can be black or I can be white. I have rings that are not gold, when I am dead my corpse is sold. When I was in trouble, you helped me. What am I, I am a-”
“Tree.” said Danill. “This is an extremely obvious riddle.”
“Professor Danill, you were supposed to let the children answer!” said Xander. But Xander ran to the back of the door and opened it. The group reunited with Anya, Helorie, and Zarya. The room was large, but empty. There was no sorting hat at all to be seen? The group moved into the room, looking around. Where was the hat? Had Illiam forgotten to put it in the room? Or, in the children’s minds, had it already been moved somewhere else? But once everyone was through the fake door, it slammed shut. Illiam moved in front of it and began maniacally laughing. Or…. was he Illiam?
“You fools, you’ve fallen into my trap! I am not Headmaster Illiam, I am his twin brother, Elian!” The children gasped at the revelation. Sevvie tried to pretend like she hadn’t figured that out a few minutes ago. “Now you’re in my clutches, and-”
“No! You will not harm the children!” It was the real Illiam. “You’ll never win!” The brothers began pointing their wands at each other, shrieking latin as Xander pushed the buttons on the special effects machine. Elian apparently managed to land a particularly potent curse, as a giant red flash appeared and Illiam collapsed to the ground.
“Children, you must remember what you learned in all your classes, and use your knowledge of Harry Potter to defeat my brother, and save the school!”
The children looked at each other. What to do? Suddenly, Dmitri had an idea.
“We have to sing!”
“What? No, I mean-” But Illiam was drowned out by all the children singing as one.
“Don’t be shy, just let your feelings roll on by! Don’t wear fear, or nobody will know you’re here! Just lift your head, and let your feelings roll out instead! And don’t be shy, just let your feeling roll on by! On by, on by, on by, on by...” Illiam and Elian looked at each other as the children sung on by. This wasn’t in the notes. They had expected a dozen small children shrieking Harry Potter hexes at each other, not singing at them.
Slowly, Illiam got to his feet. The children continued, as the adults joined in, “You know love is better than a song, love is where all of us belong. So don’t be shy, just let your feelings roll on by. Don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there. You're there, you’re there, you’re there...”
Illiam made eye contact with Elian, and vise versa. Two seconds later, they broke it- the autism was too strong. Illiam stepped towards Elian. Elian stepped towards Illiam. The children continued singing. “You don't be shy, just let your feelings roll on by! And don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there! Just lift your head, and let your feelings out instead. No, don't be shy, just let your feeling roll on by, on by, on by, on by-” Suddenly, Elian ran towards Illiam, but instead of attacking him, they hugged. All the children cheered.
“Wow, kids, look like the power of music made these two brothers put their differences aside and be friends again!” said Daniys.
“I’ve decided not to be evil anymore!” said Elian. “I’m going to come back to Hogwarts and be the new divination teacher!”
“And I have exciting news as well!” said Illiam. “The house elves and I have come to an agreement! They shall now be paid one sickle an hour for their work! So we can finally have the welcoming feast!”
The children cheered. “And I’ll bake a cake!” added Elian. The children cheered some more.
Leaving the horse barn, Jiro smiled at his parents. This birthday was nearly perfect, and it was much better than he was expecting. He did feel like he truly was special- like his parents did love him as much as Sevvie. Sevvie was currently up ahead, asking Illiam if the twin plot was “really needed, and what was even Uncle Elian’s motivation, anyways?” when suddenly there was a large sound in the sky. A helicopter! A wierd, military looking helicopter! It was landing in our backyard.
“They’re here for us!” shrieked Elato. “You call Inaile, Cadis and I are going to the bunker!!” But the helicopter landed, and it was not actually the government. It was Monroe, wearing an elaborate wizard outfit, and Sebastian and Georg (in costume) too!
“The grandparents are here!” shrieked Sevvie, “The Grandparents are here!”
Elato stopped running. “Everyone ignore the thing I just said! Nothing to worry about, X it from your brain!”
Sebastian ran towards Jiro and lifted him up. “Jiro, darling, here we are at last! We’re sorry we scared you and told you we couldn’t come!”
“This is amazing! This is the best birthday ever!” said Jiro. Monroe moved to the center of the crowd.
“Hello, everyone! I am going to say hello, and return this helicopter, which I just “borrowed”!”
“Oh, come on, stay for cake, Uncle Monroe.” said Daniys. “Apparently there will also be a feast.”
“I suppose this helicopter will not be missed for a while.” mused Monroe. “What sort of cake is it?”
Elato raised his hands. “Double Trouble was actually written specifically for Harry Potter. Also, do you know “Don’t Be Shy?” from Harold and Maude?”
“That is not Harry Potter related at all, but sure!” said Daniys. “Okay, any other requests? Alright then, let’s begin!”
Around twenty minutes later, the children were all sung out. One of them raised a tiny hand. “Professor Nesline, are any of these songs really magical?”
“All music is magical!” said Daniys. “It brings people closer together. And we can all have a good time. Alright, everyone, it’s time for the next Class. Defense Against the Dark Arts! With the wonderful Professor von Brandt!”
The crowd wandered over to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Brigitta frowned sternly at the children, doing her best to channel her drill sergeant days. “ALright, welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts! This will not be a fun, or easy class! This class is about life and death! When confronted by Evil Wizards, you sometimes only have seconds to cast a spell, jinx, curse or counter-curse before you are instantly slain or injured! So we must learn to- Oh, look! It is the Headmaster!”
“Children, I have terrible news! The sorting hat has been stolen!”
“Hatnapped!” screamed one of the von Brandt children. “He’s been hatnapped!” Some of the children began to cry.
“Luckily, we know his location! He has been taken to the Quidditch Equipment Storage and Equestrian Center.” The blonde pointed to the horse barn, clearly visible through the window.
“Since when does Hogwarts have an equestrian center?” asked Helorie.
“It is a new addition this year. We are very proud. Finally children will be able to ride winged horses, a useful skill. Alright, let’s go!” Everyone made their way to the horse barn. In front of them was a door, covered in a foul-looking liquid.
“Oh no!” said Brigitta. “The doorknob must be poisoned. If only there was something that we could use to absorb the poison.”
The children thought about the problem, then suddenly Little Hans had the answer. “Our sticky potions! We must sacrifice the sticky potion to open the door!” Reaching into his cauldron, he pulled out his oobleck and put it on the door handle, then opened the door. “We did it!” But beyond the door was more of the foul liquid. It followed a path down the aisle between the horse stalls, which had pictures of winged horses taped to them. Xander covered his eyes.
“What shall we do, children, what shall we do?” Jiro blinked.
“Um, dad, I don’t know if you know this, but we can walk around the liquid.” Was the solution to this puzzle supposed to be different? The children walked around the liquid. The adults did so also, except for Anya, who was pretty sure that wheelchairs couldn’t actually be poisoned.
They arrived in the horse arena, which had been made into a maze. The children made their way through the narrow corridors of the maze as Xander showed Anya and Helorie the way around. Zarya was sad she couldn’t go through the maze, but was actually pretty baffled about what was going on, so didn’t protest. They arrived at a fake door, which had a mouth on it.
Xander spoke into his walky-talky, the partner of which had been moved inside the mouth of the fake door. “Before you pass, you must solve the riddle.”
“Alright, dad, give us the riddle!” yelled Sevvie.
“I am not your dad, I am the magical door mouth. I just happen to sound like him. Maybe you need to go to an ear doctor. Er, um, Ear wizard. A wizard who is all ears, and who studies the ear. A-”
“Alright, you can just go on with the riddle.” said Daniys.
“I have bark but no bite, I can be black or I can be white. I have rings that are not gold, when I am dead my corpse is sold. When I was in trouble, you helped me. What am I, I am a-”
“Tree.” said Danill. “This is an extremely obvious riddle.”
“Professor Danill, you were supposed to let the children answer!” said Xander. But Xander ran to the back of the door and opened it. The group reunited with Anya, Helorie, and Zarya. The room was large, but empty. There was no sorting hat at all to be seen? The group moved into the room, looking around. Where was the hat? Had Illiam forgotten to put it in the room? Or, in the children’s minds, had it already been moved somewhere else? But once everyone was through the fake door, it slammed shut. Illiam moved in front of it and began maniacally laughing. Or…. was he Illiam?
“You fools, you’ve fallen into my trap! I am not Headmaster Illiam, I am his twin brother, Elian!” The children gasped at the revelation. Sevvie tried to pretend like she hadn’t figured that out a few minutes ago. “Now you’re in my clutches, and-”
“No! You will not harm the children!” It was the real Illiam. “You’ll never win!” The brothers began pointing their wands at each other, shrieking latin as Xander pushed the buttons on the special effects machine. Elian apparently managed to land a particularly potent curse, as a giant red flash appeared and Illiam collapsed to the ground.
“Children, you must remember what you learned in all your classes, and use your knowledge of Harry Potter to defeat my brother, and save the school!”
The children looked at each other. What to do? Suddenly, Dmitri had an idea.
“We have to sing!”
“What? No, I mean-” But Illiam was drowned out by all the children singing as one.
“Don’t be shy, just let your feelings roll on by! Don’t wear fear, or nobody will know you’re here! Just lift your head, and let your feelings roll out instead! And don’t be shy, just let your feeling roll on by! On by, on by, on by, on by...” Illiam and Elian looked at each other as the children sung on by. This wasn’t in the notes. They had expected a dozen small children shrieking Harry Potter hexes at each other, not singing at them.
Slowly, Illiam got to his feet. The children continued, as the adults joined in, “You know love is better than a song, love is where all of us belong. So don’t be shy, just let your feelings roll on by. Don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there. You're there, you’re there, you’re there...”
Illiam made eye contact with Elian, and vise versa. Two seconds later, they broke it- the autism was too strong. Illiam stepped towards Elian. Elian stepped towards Illiam. The children continued singing. “You don't be shy, just let your feelings roll on by! And don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there! Just lift your head, and let your feelings out instead. No, don't be shy, just let your feeling roll on by, on by, on by, on by-” Suddenly, Elian ran towards Illiam, but instead of attacking him, they hugged. All the children cheered.
“Wow, kids, look like the power of music made these two brothers put their differences aside and be friends again!” said Daniys.
“I’ve decided not to be evil anymore!” said Elian. “I’m going to come back to Hogwarts and be the new divination teacher!”
“And I have exciting news as well!” said Illiam. “The house elves and I have come to an agreement! They shall now be paid one sickle an hour for their work! So we can finally have the welcoming feast!”
The children cheered. “And I’ll bake a cake!” added Elian. The children cheered some more.
Leaving the horse barn, Jiro smiled at his parents. This birthday was nearly perfect, and it was much better than he was expecting. He did feel like he truly was special- like his parents did love him as much as Sevvie. Sevvie was currently up ahead, asking Illiam if the twin plot was “really needed, and what was even Uncle Elian’s motivation, anyways?” when suddenly there was a large sound in the sky. A helicopter! A wierd, military looking helicopter! It was landing in our backyard.
“They’re here for us!” shrieked Elato. “You call Inaile, Cadis and I are going to the bunker!!” But the helicopter landed, and it was not actually the government. It was Monroe, wearing an elaborate wizard outfit, and Sebastian and Georg (in costume) too!
“The grandparents are here!” shrieked Sevvie, “The Grandparents are here!”
Elato stopped running. “Everyone ignore the thing I just said! Nothing to worry about, X it from your brain!”
Sebastian ran towards Jiro and lifted him up. “Jiro, darling, here we are at last! We’re sorry we scared you and told you we couldn’t come!”
“This is amazing! This is the best birthday ever!” said Jiro. Monroe moved to the center of the crowd.
“Hello, everyone! I am going to say hello, and return this helicopter, which I just “borrowed”!”
“Oh, come on, stay for cake, Uncle Monroe.” said Daniys. “Apparently there will also be a feast.”
“I suppose this helicopter will not be missed for a while.” mused Monroe. “What sort of cake is it?”
At last, the “Great Hall” was filled with food. Roast Chicken, Lamb Chops, Bacon, Steak, eggs, potatoes, peas, and carrots were on the table, and everyone was digging in. Elato walked up to Illiam, who was serving cocktails, a clear departure from canon. (Though there was also of course pumpkin juice, butterbeer, and other basic party drinks)
“After that scare, I could sure use a drink. What do you have this time?”
“We have the Golden Snitch, Felix Felicis, Draught of Living Death, that’ll get you real drunk, Amortentia, T-”
“Let’s try the Felix Felicis.” said Elato. “I could use some luck.” Illiam mixed the golden colored drink for Elato, who took a sip.
“You should have been the potions professor at Hogwarts, man.”
“Maybe Mixology will be offered as a subject soon.”
When everyone was done eating, the third segment of singing began. “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Dear Jiro, Happy Birthday to you!” A Hogwarts-Shaped Cake, complete with a tiny Jiro as Harry Potter was unveiled. Jiro gasped.
“Oh my gosh Uncle Elian, this cake is amazing!”
“It’s just like Hogwarts.” said Sevvie. “Uncle Elian, do you just have a thing for castle-shaped cakes?”
There was also ice cream, golden-snitch shaped cake pops, and pumpkin tarts, for the pumpkin lovers. Xander looked to Illiam. “How did you arrange this all in one night?”
Illiam shrugged. “You helped, and so did Elian and Ulmer.”
“Where is Ulmer?” asked Xander.
“Surprisingly, the Hogwarts Feast is not made by House Elves, and was in fact made by your brother-in-law and his husband.” said Ulmer, seemingly appearing from nowhere.
“Are you not also my brother in law?” questioned Xander.
“I don’t think that’s how it works.”
“After that scare, I could sure use a drink. What do you have this time?”
“We have the Golden Snitch, Felix Felicis, Draught of Living Death, that’ll get you real drunk, Amortentia, T-”
“Let’s try the Felix Felicis.” said Elato. “I could use some luck.” Illiam mixed the golden colored drink for Elato, who took a sip.
“You should have been the potions professor at Hogwarts, man.”
“Maybe Mixology will be offered as a subject soon.”
When everyone was done eating, the third segment of singing began. “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Dear Jiro, Happy Birthday to you!” A Hogwarts-Shaped Cake, complete with a tiny Jiro as Harry Potter was unveiled. Jiro gasped.
“Oh my gosh Uncle Elian, this cake is amazing!”
“It’s just like Hogwarts.” said Sevvie. “Uncle Elian, do you just have a thing for castle-shaped cakes?”
There was also ice cream, golden-snitch shaped cake pops, and pumpkin tarts, for the pumpkin lovers. Xander looked to Illiam. “How did you arrange this all in one night?”
Illiam shrugged. “You helped, and so did Elian and Ulmer.”
“Where is Ulmer?” asked Xander.
“Surprisingly, the Hogwarts Feast is not made by House Elves, and was in fact made by your brother-in-law and his husband.” said Ulmer, seemingly appearing from nowhere.
“Are you not also my brother in law?” questioned Xander.
“I don’t think that’s how it works.”
At the end of the party, Jiro opened his presents. As he did, Sebastian took this time to talk to Illiam. “You know that I love Jiro and Sevvie equally.”
“I know.” said Illiam with a long sigh. “I just… I really needed you to come, I’d had a terrible dream, and-”
“You said that to my husband because of a dream?!” questioned Georg angrily.
“This whole party exists because of that dream.” said Illiam groggily. “I spent probably, god, a thousand dollars because of that horrible, awful dream. God, what is Sevvie going to expect next year? The real Elsa to show up at her party?”
“I know a few good Elsa impersonators, if you’d like me to give you their numbers.” said Monroe.
Sebastian sighed. “Well, here we are. We may have done a few things to get here-”
“We may have taken an experimental military helicopter.” said Monroe. “But don’t worry, we’re going to put it back. And if anyone asks, we simply mistook it for the one we rented.”
“It just really means a lot for Jiro to be here.” said Illiam. “No. That’s not what I meant. Um, it really means a lot to Jiro for you to be here. I need to sleep.” Illiam sat down on a couch to watch Jiro finish opening his presents, and Sebastian sat next to him. Before Illiam knew it, he was asleep.
“I know.” said Illiam with a long sigh. “I just… I really needed you to come, I’d had a terrible dream, and-”
“You said that to my husband because of a dream?!” questioned Georg angrily.
“This whole party exists because of that dream.” said Illiam groggily. “I spent probably, god, a thousand dollars because of that horrible, awful dream. God, what is Sevvie going to expect next year? The real Elsa to show up at her party?”
“I know a few good Elsa impersonators, if you’d like me to give you their numbers.” said Monroe.
Sebastian sighed. “Well, here we are. We may have done a few things to get here-”
“We may have taken an experimental military helicopter.” said Monroe. “But don’t worry, we’re going to put it back. And if anyone asks, we simply mistook it for the one we rented.”
“It just really means a lot for Jiro to be here.” said Illiam. “No. That’s not what I meant. Um, it really means a lot to Jiro for you to be here. I need to sleep.” Illiam sat down on a couch to watch Jiro finish opening his presents, and Sebastian sat next to him. Before Illiam knew it, he was asleep.
Author's Notes:
At last, the Jiro saga was completed, 3 days later. And I think the ending is satisfying for both Jiro and Illiam. And for you, dear readers.
Actually, I'm not sure if it was satisfying for you. Please let me know in the comments.
Length: 5097 words
Date: March 26th, 2015
Fact: This constitutes a snooplet on its own, but combined with Jiro's Birthday 1, it is 7446 words long. Wowzers!
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