Xander and Illiam sat at the family table, Sevvie and Jiro on the other side. Illiam held Xander’s hand on the table. “Alright, children, your father and I have made an important decision.”
“We said there would be no more birthdays for two years, but we have changed our minds. You shall be turning older as previously planned.” said Xander.
“Xander, no more birthday parties is not the same as no more birthdays.”
“Oh, it isn’t? Hm. Anyway, Jiro, you will be having your birthday party this year.”
Jiro grinned from ear to ear. “Really? Thank you! Thank you so much!”
“Now, Jiro, if you want to do something else on your birthday, like go to the science museum or the big library in Portland, or even Powell’s City of Books, that’s also a wonderful choice.” said Illiam.
Jiro shook his head. “No! I want to have my Harry Potter Birthday.”
“Alright, then, we’ll throw you a Harry Potter birthday, and it will be wonderful!”
“Can we have hogwarts letter invitations and diagon alley and even a sorting hat to sort people into houses? And a real hogwarts feast?”
“Yes, though it may not be so… intense as Seva’s party. Is that alright?”
“Any party is fine!” said Jiro, beaming. “I’m just…. so happy!”
“We said there would be no more birthdays for two years, but we have changed our minds. You shall be turning older as previously planned.” said Xander.
“Xander, no more birthday parties is not the same as no more birthdays.”
“Oh, it isn’t? Hm. Anyway, Jiro, you will be having your birthday party this year.”
Jiro grinned from ear to ear. “Really? Thank you! Thank you so much!”
“Now, Jiro, if you want to do something else on your birthday, like go to the science museum or the big library in Portland, or even Powell’s City of Books, that’s also a wonderful choice.” said Illiam.
Jiro shook his head. “No! I want to have my Harry Potter Birthday.”
“Alright, then, we’ll throw you a Harry Potter birthday, and it will be wonderful!”
“Can we have hogwarts letter invitations and diagon alley and even a sorting hat to sort people into houses? And a real hogwarts feast?”
“Yes, though it may not be so… intense as Seva’s party. Is that alright?”
“Any party is fine!” said Jiro, beaming. “I’m just…. so happy!”
“It is a month before Jiro’s party. What have we so far?” asked Xander.
“What? Oh, nothing yet. It’s like Jiro said, any party is fine.” Illiam flicked the channel, changing it to Real Plastic Surgeons of Texas. Dr. Beverly had Dr. Liam in a headlock, and was threatening to give him involuntary rhinoplasty.
“Should you not at least have the invitations done?”
“Oh, I’ll print some off on the printer tomorrow. I’m sure they’ve got some online.”
“What? Oh, nothing yet. It’s like Jiro said, any party is fine.” Illiam flicked the channel, changing it to Real Plastic Surgeons of Texas. Dr. Beverly had Dr. Liam in a headlock, and was threatening to give him involuntary rhinoplasty.
“Should you not at least have the invitations done?”
“Oh, I’ll print some off on the printer tomorrow. I’m sure they’ve got some online.”
“I thought we were going to do Hogwarts Letter invitations.” said Jiro, looking at the invitations that had a tiny Harry Potter yelling “you’re invited!” and summoning a cat. “I don’t think Harry ever learns a spell to conjure a cat in the entire series.”
“Jiro, darling, I thought you said any party was fine.”
Jiro swallowed his spit. “Yeah, you’re right, I did say that. Thanks dad! I’ll give them out to my classmates tomorrow.”
“Alright.” Illiam rustled Jiro’s tiny blonde locks, smiling at him. Jiro did his best to smile back.
“Jiro, darling, I thought you said any party was fine.”
Jiro swallowed his spit. “Yeah, you’re right, I did say that. Thanks dad! I’ll give them out to my classmates tomorrow.”
“Alright.” Illiam rustled Jiro’s tiny blonde locks, smiling at him. Jiro did his best to smile back.
Illiam sat in the chair, listening to a patient ramble on and on about his father’s recent kidney surgery in excurciating detail. Suddenly, his phone rang. There were only three numbers that weren’t silenced when his phone was silenced- Xander, the kids’ school, and Ulmer (unlike Elian, Ulmer only called in emergencies). Illiam reached to the phone and picked it up.
“You know, Dr. Ashbur, it’s very improfessional to have your phone on during a meeting.”
“This is my children’s school, sorry. I have to take it. Dr. Ashbur here! Jiro was WHAT? I’ll… I’ll be there right away.” Turning to his patient, Illiam shook his head in apology. “I’m so sorry, my son has just been suspended from school, I need to go pick him up. How about this, this appointment and your next appointment are both free!” As the man protested, Illiam put his coat on and left his office. “Sheryl, please, cancel the rest of my appointments for today, Jiro is in trouble! I need to get to his school right away!”
“You know, Dr. Ashbur, it’s very improfessional to have your phone on during a meeting.”
“This is my children’s school, sorry. I have to take it. Dr. Ashbur here! Jiro was WHAT? I’ll… I’ll be there right away.” Turning to his patient, Illiam shook his head in apology. “I’m so sorry, my son has just been suspended from school, I need to go pick him up. How about this, this appointment and your next appointment are both free!” As the man protested, Illiam put his coat on and left his office. “Sheryl, please, cancel the rest of my appointments for today, Jiro is in trouble! I need to get to his school right away!”
Illiam rushed to the principal’s office, where Jiro sat, looking frustrated, and also like he had been crying. Illiam got onto his knees and placed his hands on Jiro’s shoulders. “Jiro, darling, tell me what happened.”
Jiro opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the secretary. “Your son has been suspended for bullying.”
“Suspended for WHAT?! Jiro, no! Tell me what happened!”
Jiro was once again interrupted by the secretary. “Your son was reported yelling at fellow students, calling them rude names, it was seriously unacceptable. He’s suspended for a week.”
“A week?! But Jiro hasn’t caused trouble before!”
“We have a zero-tolerance bullying policy.”
“Jiro, darling, now don’t you dare interupt my child, sir, you tell me what happened.”
“It was right after lunch. I decided to hand out the invitations you made for me.” started Jiro. “I gave them to all the students in my class. Then Jim, you remember, the kid who’s been bullying me, he looked at his friends, and all as one, they threw them in the trash, and the rest of the class got up and joined them.” Jiro’s voice was almost emotionless as he described the story. “And then…. I guess it was a meltdown, like I’ve had before, but I was just so angry, I-”
Illiam sprung to his feet, shrieking at the secretary, who was very carefully typing notes into his computer. “You call that bullying? My son was the one being bullied! And he is, as I remind you, constantly bullied at this school, and no matter how many times me and my husband have come here, called you, called his teacher, or discussed it at parent teacher conferences, nothing has happened! Nothing has come of it! And my son finally has the nerve to strike back against these bullies, and he is labeled as one!?” Illiam’s voice fell. “And, as I remind you, my son, just like me and my other child, is autistic, don’t you at least think some leniency should be found there?”
“We have a zero-tolerance bullying policy. And as we’ve told you and your husband countless times, Jim Rayman is a star student at this school, and his father is a very important member of the PTA and donor. There is no way he would bully your son. Mrs. Prib, your student’s teacher, has sworn that she has never seen any act of bullying against your son. Is it a crime not to want to come to another student’s birthday party?”
Illiam groaned loudly and banged his fists on the desk. “Mrs. Prib is a liar, and I have requested many times that my son be transfered to a different teacher, or different school! Is this retaliation against that? Am I going to have to call my lawyer?”
“Jesus Christ, sir. Do you know how you sound? Your son is being accused of bullying, and you threaten to sic your lawyer on us? I don’t think your son is the only bully in the family.”
Illiam practically screeched, he was dangerously close to having a meltdown himself. He grabbed Jiro’s hand. “That definetly settles it. You will be hearing from our lawyer, soon. Also, I want to take my other child, Seva, out of school for the day. I’ll just go and retrieve her myself. Have a nice day!”
Illiam dramatically turned to leave, but was interupted by the man. “Actually, um, you have to sign on the sign-out sheet for both of them.”
Jiro opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the secretary. “Your son has been suspended for bullying.”
“Suspended for WHAT?! Jiro, no! Tell me what happened!”
Jiro was once again interrupted by the secretary. “Your son was reported yelling at fellow students, calling them rude names, it was seriously unacceptable. He’s suspended for a week.”
“A week?! But Jiro hasn’t caused trouble before!”
“We have a zero-tolerance bullying policy.”
“Jiro, darling, now don’t you dare interupt my child, sir, you tell me what happened.”
“It was right after lunch. I decided to hand out the invitations you made for me.” started Jiro. “I gave them to all the students in my class. Then Jim, you remember, the kid who’s been bullying me, he looked at his friends, and all as one, they threw them in the trash, and the rest of the class got up and joined them.” Jiro’s voice was almost emotionless as he described the story. “And then…. I guess it was a meltdown, like I’ve had before, but I was just so angry, I-”
Illiam sprung to his feet, shrieking at the secretary, who was very carefully typing notes into his computer. “You call that bullying? My son was the one being bullied! And he is, as I remind you, constantly bullied at this school, and no matter how many times me and my husband have come here, called you, called his teacher, or discussed it at parent teacher conferences, nothing has happened! Nothing has come of it! And my son finally has the nerve to strike back against these bullies, and he is labeled as one!?” Illiam’s voice fell. “And, as I remind you, my son, just like me and my other child, is autistic, don’t you at least think some leniency should be found there?”
“We have a zero-tolerance bullying policy. And as we’ve told you and your husband countless times, Jim Rayman is a star student at this school, and his father is a very important member of the PTA and donor. There is no way he would bully your son. Mrs. Prib, your student’s teacher, has sworn that she has never seen any act of bullying against your son. Is it a crime not to want to come to another student’s birthday party?”
Illiam groaned loudly and banged his fists on the desk. “Mrs. Prib is a liar, and I have requested many times that my son be transfered to a different teacher, or different school! Is this retaliation against that? Am I going to have to call my lawyer?”
“Jesus Christ, sir. Do you know how you sound? Your son is being accused of bullying, and you threaten to sic your lawyer on us? I don’t think your son is the only bully in the family.”
Illiam practically screeched, he was dangerously close to having a meltdown himself. He grabbed Jiro’s hand. “That definetly settles it. You will be hearing from our lawyer, soon. Also, I want to take my other child, Seva, out of school for the day. I’ll just go and retrieve her myself. Have a nice day!”
Illiam dramatically turned to leave, but was interupted by the man. “Actually, um, you have to sign on the sign-out sheet for both of them.”
“Dad?”
“Yes, Jiro?” Jiro, Sevvie and Illiam were on their way home in the minivan.
“Do… do you really have a lawyer?”
“I’m going to call Anya, she’s a lawyer, she’ll probably tell me if I have anything like a case on this. Also, she’s a parent of autistic children and a disabled woman herself, she’ll be more sympathetic to us.” By more sympathetic Illiam hoped it would be “free consultation”, but he was really mad at this point, and would think nothing of actually hiring a lawyer to resolve the issues Jiro was having.
“Okay. Um…. am I in trouble? Is my birthday canceled?”
“What? Jiro, no, of course not. You’re going to have a wonderful birthday party, even without those kids in your class. We’ll have a great time.”
“Yes, Jiro?” Jiro, Sevvie and Illiam were on their way home in the minivan.
“Do… do you really have a lawyer?”
“I’m going to call Anya, she’s a lawyer, she’ll probably tell me if I have anything like a case on this. Also, she’s a parent of autistic children and a disabled woman herself, she’ll be more sympathetic to us.” By more sympathetic Illiam hoped it would be “free consultation”, but he was really mad at this point, and would think nothing of actually hiring a lawyer to resolve the issues Jiro was having.
“Okay. Um…. am I in trouble? Is my birthday canceled?”
“What? Jiro, no, of course not. You’re going to have a wonderful birthday party, even without those kids in your class. We’ll have a great time.”
“Okay, Jiro, look, we’ve already settled on the menu, we’ll have pizza, veggies and dip, pop, and then Uncle Elian will bake a Harry Potter cake.”
Jiro blinked. “What about the Harry Potter feast?”
Illiam shrugged. “Don’t you think pizza is rather feastlike?”
“It has all the major food groups.” commented Xander. “Grain, Dairy, Vegetable, Fruit, Meat, and Grease.”
“Xander, darling, I don’t think grease is a good group.”
“Oil.” said Xander.
Jiro sighed. “Yeah, Pizza sounds good. Um, what about pretzels, though, like pretzel wands.”
“I think there’s enough bread with the pizza.” said Illiam.
“Okay.” said Jiro. “Um, what about activities?”
“We’ll have first, the sorting.”
“What about Diagon Alley? Or Platform 9 ¾?”
“We’ll have the sorting, and then the various classes. Transformations, Potions, Charming, and, of course, Quidditch?”
“Dad, have you ever read Harry Potter? Um, and I don’t actually like Quidditch.”
“Don’t like Quidditch? Jiro, it will be fun! And then we’ll go back to the great hall.”
“For a great big pizza feast.” said Xander. “Simply put, it shall be delightful.”
“Okay.” said Jiro. “It, it sounds like fun. So, um, what will we actually do in those classes?”
Jiro blinked. “What about the Harry Potter feast?”
Illiam shrugged. “Don’t you think pizza is rather feastlike?”
“It has all the major food groups.” commented Xander. “Grain, Dairy, Vegetable, Fruit, Meat, and Grease.”
“Xander, darling, I don’t think grease is a good group.”
“Oil.” said Xander.
Jiro sighed. “Yeah, Pizza sounds good. Um, what about pretzels, though, like pretzel wands.”
“I think there’s enough bread with the pizza.” said Illiam.
“Okay.” said Jiro. “Um, what about activities?”
“We’ll have first, the sorting.”
“What about Diagon Alley? Or Platform 9 ¾?”
“We’ll have the sorting, and then the various classes. Transformations, Potions, Charming, and, of course, Quidditch?”
“Dad, have you ever read Harry Potter? Um, and I don’t actually like Quidditch.”
“Don’t like Quidditch? Jiro, it will be fun! And then we’ll go back to the great hall.”
“For a great big pizza feast.” said Xander. “Simply put, it shall be delightful.”
“Okay.” said Jiro. “It, it sounds like fun. So, um, what will we actually do in those classes?”
Jiro was 99% sure that his parents had never read Harry Potter. He was also 99% sure that they weren’t going to ever listen to him or take any of his advice into consideration. Sometimes he wished he could be like Sevvie, who couldn’t take no for an answer. But he was Jiro, and didn’t want to make his parents upset.
“Well, Jiro, it doesn’t look like your Aunt Cassandra and Uncle Danill and Bara will be able to come to your party. They have to go rescue a tree.”
Jiro sighed. “Are any of my relatives coming? Uncle Lukas and Aunt Thalia already said they were busy, and Aunt Daniys said she couldn’t come unless the kids could all come, and you vetoed that.”
Xander looked on the checklist. “Oh! I remember a set of relatives that are attending the party!”
Illiam looked to Xander hopefully. “You do?”
“We are attending. And we are your relatives!”
Jiro, slightly upset, punched a pillow. Xander took it from him. “Jiro, we must be kind to the pillows. They have feelings, too.”
“You don’t seem to care about that when the kids are gone.” muttered Illiam.
“I am trying to be more non-violent, as you are.” said Xander. “I could punch the pillow as well.” Xander threw the pillow up in the air and punched it, and it went flying across the room and hit Ms. Bitey, who ferociously attacked the pillow.
“Well, Xander, I think you hurt that pillow’s feelings.”
“What about my grandparents! They must at least be coming!”
Illiam looked to Xander. Xander looked to Illiam. “So, which one of us is going to inform him?” asked Xander.
“Well, you already did!” exclaimed Illiam. “Jiro, darling, I know this is going to be hard to hear, but your grandfather has a really important buisness meeting that day, and he can’t cancel it, he really can’t!”
“He’d cancel it for Sevvie!” screamed Jiro. Jiro put his hands over his mouth. “S-sorry, dads.”
“You have a right to be angry, but not to take it out on your sister.” said Illiam.
“But it’s true, isn’t it?”
Illiam sighed. “I don’t know. Anyway, Jiro, it will be a very small party, but I hope that with the people coming, you can have a good time. Anya and her kids are even coming to visit, and Vara and Alice and Morti are also attending. So there will be people coming.”
“Yeah, unless someone has to cancel again last minute.” Jiro sighed. “Nobody’s coming to this party, are they? I guess I just shouldn’t have had it at all.”
Jiro sighed. “Are any of my relatives coming? Uncle Lukas and Aunt Thalia already said they were busy, and Aunt Daniys said she couldn’t come unless the kids could all come, and you vetoed that.”
Xander looked on the checklist. “Oh! I remember a set of relatives that are attending the party!”
Illiam looked to Xander hopefully. “You do?”
“We are attending. And we are your relatives!”
Jiro, slightly upset, punched a pillow. Xander took it from him. “Jiro, we must be kind to the pillows. They have feelings, too.”
“You don’t seem to care about that when the kids are gone.” muttered Illiam.
“I am trying to be more non-violent, as you are.” said Xander. “I could punch the pillow as well.” Xander threw the pillow up in the air and punched it, and it went flying across the room and hit Ms. Bitey, who ferociously attacked the pillow.
“Well, Xander, I think you hurt that pillow’s feelings.”
“What about my grandparents! They must at least be coming!”
Illiam looked to Xander. Xander looked to Illiam. “So, which one of us is going to inform him?” asked Xander.
“Well, you already did!” exclaimed Illiam. “Jiro, darling, I know this is going to be hard to hear, but your grandfather has a really important buisness meeting that day, and he can’t cancel it, he really can’t!”
“He’d cancel it for Sevvie!” screamed Jiro. Jiro put his hands over his mouth. “S-sorry, dads.”
“You have a right to be angry, but not to take it out on your sister.” said Illiam.
“But it’s true, isn’t it?”
Illiam sighed. “I don’t know. Anyway, Jiro, it will be a very small party, but I hope that with the people coming, you can have a good time. Anya and her kids are even coming to visit, and Vara and Alice and Morti are also attending. So there will be people coming.”
“Yeah, unless someone has to cancel again last minute.” Jiro sighed. “Nobody’s coming to this party, are they? I guess I just shouldn’t have had it at all.”
Jiro sat in front of the pizza box as he looked around the table. Nobody had showed up to his party. Isha and his children had to cancel last minute, as a harpsichord had gotten loose in their home, and Anya had come down with the flu. Illiam, Sevvie, and Xander sat around the table.
Sevvie was dressed in her Elsa dress, and ate the pizza with gusto. “Jiro, eat up! It’s your birthday!”
“It’s my birthday, but it’s not happy.” said Jiro, slumping into the pizza. “Can we have cake?”
“Yes, dear.” said Illiam. He got up to the kitchen. “Elian, bring in the cake.”
But Elian was just a cardboard cutout he’d bought so Jiro would feel less bad about Elian not showing up, and the cake was bought from costco. It read in big black letters, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY GYRO (BUT IN SMALL LETTERS)” and had a picture of a tiny person in a witch hat holding a wand. Illiam sighed as he looked at the cake. He put the candles on it and lit them. “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you….” he sung.
“Unhappy birthday to Jiro!” screamed Sevvie. “Unhappy birthday to you!” Illiam put the cake down in front of his son, and Jiro blew out the candles, getting each one. But then the candles lit again. Jiro blew them out again. They lit again. Illiam, in horror, looked at the box. They weren’t trick candles, were they?
Sevvie jumped on the table, the long train of her Elsa dress getting all over the greasy pizza. She blew out all the candles in one blow, then laughed maniacally. “I blew out the candles, so it’s my birthday now!” And just like that, all the decorations changed. The table turned into a real hogwarts table, and there were banners hanging from the ceiling. The food changed, and Sevvie’s outfit changed as well. She was now dressed in a Harry Potter costume, while Jiro was dressed only in his underwear. “LET IT GO! LET IT GO!” screamed Sevvie at the top of her lungs, and the doorbell began ringing like crazy. Illiam ran to open the door, and it was all the students in Sevvie’s class, Jiro’s class, and then all of Sevvie and Jiro’s relatives! They stood around the table and sang, “Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Sevvie! Happy Birthday to you!”
Sevvie jumped into her grandfather’s arms. “Poppop! Grandpa 3000! You really came!”
“We wouldn’t miss it for the world!” said Sebastian.
“But it’s my birthday! It’s mine!” screamed Jiro.
“Think about it, kid!” said Georg, “Would we really come all this way for your birthday? So obviously its your sisters. It’s Sevvie’s birthday. Let’s sing the birthday song again! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear S-”
Illiam woke up, screaming.
Sevvie was dressed in her Elsa dress, and ate the pizza with gusto. “Jiro, eat up! It’s your birthday!”
“It’s my birthday, but it’s not happy.” said Jiro, slumping into the pizza. “Can we have cake?”
“Yes, dear.” said Illiam. He got up to the kitchen. “Elian, bring in the cake.”
But Elian was just a cardboard cutout he’d bought so Jiro would feel less bad about Elian not showing up, and the cake was bought from costco. It read in big black letters, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY GYRO (BUT IN SMALL LETTERS)” and had a picture of a tiny person in a witch hat holding a wand. Illiam sighed as he looked at the cake. He put the candles on it and lit them. “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you….” he sung.
“Unhappy birthday to Jiro!” screamed Sevvie. “Unhappy birthday to you!” Illiam put the cake down in front of his son, and Jiro blew out the candles, getting each one. But then the candles lit again. Jiro blew them out again. They lit again. Illiam, in horror, looked at the box. They weren’t trick candles, were they?
Sevvie jumped on the table, the long train of her Elsa dress getting all over the greasy pizza. She blew out all the candles in one blow, then laughed maniacally. “I blew out the candles, so it’s my birthday now!” And just like that, all the decorations changed. The table turned into a real hogwarts table, and there were banners hanging from the ceiling. The food changed, and Sevvie’s outfit changed as well. She was now dressed in a Harry Potter costume, while Jiro was dressed only in his underwear. “LET IT GO! LET IT GO!” screamed Sevvie at the top of her lungs, and the doorbell began ringing like crazy. Illiam ran to open the door, and it was all the students in Sevvie’s class, Jiro’s class, and then all of Sevvie and Jiro’s relatives! They stood around the table and sang, “Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Sevvie! Happy Birthday to you!”
Sevvie jumped into her grandfather’s arms. “Poppop! Grandpa 3000! You really came!”
“We wouldn’t miss it for the world!” said Sebastian.
“But it’s my birthday! It’s mine!” screamed Jiro.
“Think about it, kid!” said Georg, “Would we really come all this way for your birthday? So obviously its your sisters. It’s Sevvie’s birthday. Let’s sing the birthday song again! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear S-”
Illiam woke up, screaming.
Author's Note:
Though I usually combine segments, I have kept these two seperate not only because of their length, but because of the fact that they form two cohesive narrative units. Also because folks waited forever for part 2. I think this part is pretty good. It's interesting, there's a real story to it, unlike Sevvie's party, and it sets up the rationale for Jiro's party being mildly ridiculous.
Length: 2379 words
Date: March 23rd, 2015
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