Illiam came home to the new house he and Xander had recently bought, bags in hand. Xander was already there, looking at the telephone. "Hey, Xanxan, I thought you didn't get off work until later tonight."
"I am waiting for a purchase I have made." replied Xander. "Illiam, I have purchased a playset for our children. It is said to arrive very shortly, and then we shall have to assemble it."
"Xander, Sevvie is a fetus. I don't think she'll be able to play on a playground for at least, I dunno, two years! Why did you buy it now?"
"I like to be prepared. You know this." Illiam sighed.
"Yes, like the time you woke me up in the middle of the night to sort Sevvie's clothing, and the time you interupted our dinner to go to Baby's Supplies Central to buy more wipes."
"And the time we went to Ikea at two in the morning to purchase boxes." added Xander. "But Ikea, tragically, is not a 24 hour store. Anyway, look. Does this not look like it shall be fun for Seva and our other future children?" Xander showed Illiam a picture of the playset in the catalog. "They delivered this catalog to us last week, because as you remember I have put our address on all 'New Parent' mailing lists, and I ordered a playset at once."
"And you didn't even ask me? Holy hell, Xander, how much does this cost? Look at all the levels! The slides! We're going to be the most popular parents in the neighborhood!"
Xander shook his head. "I shall not allow other children to play on our playset. It is Seva's and Seva's alone. Her friends may play on it, but only with her permission."
Illiam sighed. "She's going to be an adorable miniature tyrant." He slumped into a chair next to Xander. "Darling, I was going to take you out to eat tonight. It was going to be very nice."
"That is disappointing. We could go out- no, tomorrow I work late, the day after that- we could not do it again for a week, with my schedule the way it currently is." Xander frowned sharply. "Oh! Perhaps you could get some carryout! You should go to Chipotle and acquire it for us. Here is what I desire: A steak burrito bowl, with lettuce, hot salsa, and cheese. Brown rice, black beans. As I always have."
"I'm not going to propose to you over Chipotle!" shrieked Illiam, before realizing what he said. Xander looked deeply offended.
"Illiam, I thought you enjoyed Chipotle. Do you not like your tacos? I always see you eating them with gusto, is that just because you wish to get them over with as quickly as possible?"
"What, you're not going to touch on the proposal thing at all?"
"What are you proposing to me and why? Why is Chipotle insufficient for your proposing needs? I think Chipotle is a fine restaurant. I enjoy eating many things there. Well, the same thing every time, but-"
Illiam made tiny frustrated, claw hands, then with one of them reached into his bag. "Xander. I'm not going to get on one knee because I'm upset right now. Will you marry me?"
"What? WHAT?!" Xander seemed shocked by the proposal. "Illiam, I thought you agreed that marriage was not for people like us!"
"Xander, we're going to raise a child, and I- I just think it would be better if we were married! Like, in case anything happened to one of us, and I know you said you wanted to be the one to adopt Sevvie, but..."
"Illiam, Seva is our biological child. I believe the laws state that she is-"
"ALSO I LOVE YOU!"
Xander blinked. He looked down at his playground catalog. After about a moment, he finally spoke again. "I... I do not want a wedding."
"Neither do I."
"But I would enjoy a honeymoon."
"Is that a yes?"
"Illiam, why would I say no?"
Illiam drove out and got Chipotle afterwards. He even got guacamole for Xander, who always wanted it but didn't want to pay the extra charge. By the time he got back, the delivery men were already bringing and assembling a truly frightening-looking playset in the already bizarre backyard (why did Xander insist on buying a house with a horse barn, he was terrified of horses?). "Here you go dear, your burrito bowl. Do you want me to get you a plate for it?"
"I am fine." said Xander. "Admittedly, I am having a dash of buyer's remorse on the playset. What if Seva would have preferred a different one? What if we are imposing our needs and wishes on our child's own?"
"It's got god knows how many slides and swings and who knows what else. Too bad it's going to sit unused for a few years."
"I purchased baby swings. We can put Seva into one of them, and let her fly free. Also, there are adult swings."
Illiam bopped Xander on the arm, lightly. "What, like adults can't go on kids swings?"
"Illiam, were you not aware that is illegal? Anyone over the age of twelve is forbidden. You can spend up to twelve months in jail for it."
Illiam laughed. "Xander, why are you so ridiculous sometimes."
"I am not being ridiculous. That is what my sire told me."
"He was joking."
"He was not."
"Excuse me! Sir!" one of the playground constructors came over. "Please inform my husband that he will not be sent to jail if he goes on the swings!"
"Our playsets are fun for children of all ages."
Author's Notes:
I love chipotle. I love it far more than this story, which I'll rate as fine. Not particularly good. but fine. Also it may have been written between parts of the girl scouts story? Who knows.
Length: 943 words
Date: March 20th, 2015
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