Sniplet 2. Pumpkin Time

Xander sat on his throne, Illiam by his side, as plans for the next battle against the forces of Terill were being sorted out. General Kardinia moved a small slider with a stick. "And then, the Pit Fiends will-"
"DADS!!" Oh, look, it was Seva, here to save Xander and Illiam from this monotonous meeting. "Dads, I want to carve a pumpkin!"
Seva, or Sevvie, as was her nickname (despite the fact it was technically longer than her real name) came clomping in the room, carrying Ms. Bitey, one of her devil dogs, and with Xaq following after her.
"Right now, dear?" asked Illiam hopefully. "You want to carve a pumpkin right now!?"
"Whenever." said Sevvie, standing before her parents. "It's autumn, and Xaq told me that on Aaia, people carve pumpkins. I want to try to carve one, too!"
"They do that for the Festival of Masks, little girl." snarled a horned devil. "Do you suggest your fathers celebrate a heathen enemy holiday?!"
"Quiet yourself, Major." snapped Xander. "Seva, we shall create a new holiday, in my honor, and everyone will carve pumpkins for it. We shall call it-" Xander looked over to Illiam, hoping he would have a good name for this holiday.
"Um- Xanderween." said Illiam.
(Later, Xander would confront Illiam about this. "Xanderween? You really couldn't think of anything better than Xanderween?"
"You had me on the spot!")
"Hooray! I'll carve a big fat pumpkin. The biggest around!"
"Let's try with a small one first, dear."

All across the empire of Hell, people were preparing for the new holiday. Pumpkins were bought at record numbers. Illiam got the whole family a set of festive sweaters. Pumpkins were taken to the imperial palace and judged, for size, color, texture, and shape. Only the best were brought to the princess and her fathers.
Finally Sevvie decided on a medium-sized standard orange pumpkin. She put Ms. Bitey on the table next to the gourd. "I'm going to carve a picture of Ms. Bitey on the pumpkin." She explained. Ms. Bitey jumped off the table and ran into a nearby room. Sevvie sighed.
Knives were placed in front of the small child. A kitchen attendant, who had helped bring in the pumpkins, looked nervous. "You sure the wee one should be allowed to use all the sharp knives?"
"She knows how to use them." said Illiam, right before Sevvie straight up stabbed the pumpkin with a knife. "Okay, Sevvie, no. We have to cut the top off first."
"But I just want to carve Ms Bitey!"
"Don't you want to put a light inside of it? And have it glow, just like all the other pumpkins?"
"I guessss."
Xander rolled the pumpkin around so his daughter could open it up. "There you go, Seva, now slice it open!"
Sevvie attempted to just cut the top off of the pumpkin, rather than making a circular cut around its edge. "This is too hard! This is a defective pumpkin!"
"Let me try."
Pumpkin guts sloshed everywhere as the pumpkin was practically sliced in half by Xander's claws, ruining it. Illiam sighed and brushed orange-covered seeds off his new sweater. "Somebody get another pumpkin."

After carefully demonstrating to his daughter how the top was supposed to be removed, and they worked together to cut it off, it was now time for the innards to be removed. "Why are pumpkins so yucky on the inside?" asked Sevvie.
"They're gourds, honey." explained Illiam. "Vegetables."
"Pumpkins are fruits." said Xander.
"No, they're vegetables."
"They're yucky." said Sevvie, ending the debate. She threw a clump of pumpkin at Illiam. "Look how yucky it is, dad!"
"Yes, but the seeds are delicious." Illiam insticitively began sorting through the orange gunk for them. "We can bake them, and then we'll have pumpkin seeds to eat."
Sevvie and Xander looked at Illiam, in the way that people who had lived in palaces their whole life and never really questioned where food came from did. Illiam rolled his eyes. "They're good, honey. We'll have some for a snack tonight."
"Are they as good as goldfish?"
"Mmmm." No. "Close!"
"Okay. Sevvie sighed and laid out her hands. "This is hard work. This is such a big pumpkin, and it has so much gross in it. Can I take a break?"
"We'll simply get someone else to finish scooping out the pumpkin for you. Servant! Come and scoop out the rest of the princess's pumpkin!"
"I'll do it." said Illiam. "Let's keep this whole matter in the family, right."
"I suppose you're right." Sevvie smiled and put her hands down on the table, watching her father scoop out the pumpkin guts.

"Now we need to decide what you're going to carve on it. We need to draw a picture before we start carving."
"I want to draw Ms. Bitey. Where did she go?"
"She probably went to go take a nap." said Illiam. "But you remember what she looks like."
"I wanted to trace her."
"How?"
Sevvie sighed. This concept clearly was obvious to her. "I would put her up against the pumpkin and then use the knife to cut around her!"
"Honey, no, you can't do that!" said Illiam.
"Why not?" asked Xander.
"Because that's mean to the dog. What, are you telling me that you would have let her do it?"
Xander was silent, and Illiam pressed his hands against his head. "Why don't we just carve a picture of her dog face into the pumpkin? Don't you think that'd be easier?"
"I want to draw her onto her. So it'll look like... this!" Sevvie showed Illiam a picture of a dog in silhouette. It wasn't a very good picture, but it was clear that it was supposed to be a dog.
"Alright, I suppose this works too."
Sevvie stabbed the pumpkin with the knife. "Okay, here we go!"
"Don't you think you should draw the picture on there first, honey?"
"No, I can remember as I go!"

Minutes later, the pumpkin was at last complete. A crudely shaped dog was depicted there, recognizable as a dog mostly because of the ears and tail. Xander presented his own pumpkin to Illiam. Unsurprisingly, it depicted a human heart. Illiam resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
"Alright, wow, great pumpkins, guys! Really wonderful, both of you."
"Now you need to make a pumpkin, dad!" Sevvie tugged on Illiam's sleeve.
"But I already helped you with yours!"
"Your own pumpkin! Your own pumpkin! Both dads and Sevvie will have a pumpkin!"
Illiam reached over and grabbed one of the tiny baby pumpkins. "Alright, I'll make a little pumpkin. I'll do it quickly."
After about half an hour, Illiam had a small, devil-faced pumpkin. "Here he is, my little devil pumpkin."
"No, it's a girl pumpkin, because it's me!"
Illiam laughed and scooped Sevvie up into his arms. "Of course it is, dear!"
"Now we'll light them up!" Xander snapped his hands and small fires lit in each of the pumpkins, illuminating them. It was beautiful. Three pumpkins, all in a row. Truly a Xanderween classic.
And then they caught on fire. "What the hell?" Illiam put Sevvie down and attempted to put the pumpkins out. Xander looked offended.
"What, you're not happy with them?"
"You're not supposed to set them on fire!" screamed Illiam. "That's not safe! You're supposed to put candles in them!"
"Oh." said Xander. "I-I didn't know."
Illiam looked at Xander increduously. "Have you never carved a pumpkin before?!?"
"....no."
"Oh." Illiam just felt bad now. "Well, you're not supposed to set them on fire. But they're fine. Not burning. I'll go find some candles."
A servant offered some to Illiam. "I've got some candles right here!" Illiam nodded and lit the candles, placing them inside the pumpkins. He lifted up Sevvie again, and Xaq rested on her head.
"Alright. Everything's good now? The pumpkins are good? Good."
Later that night they would eat pumpkin seeds, and the next day, the people of Hell would offer their pumpkins to Xander, who would let Sevvie judge them. Those with acceptable pumpkins would be spared for another year, and those with unacceptable pumpkins would be cast down into the lowest pits of hell. Truly, it would be a Xanderween to remember.

Author's Notes:

This is still a very cute and mildly pointless story, which was, of course, the attention. Sevvie is adorable, though slightly out of character from what we would recognize as a more modern Sevvie, though then again, she is "child old" as my original author's notes mention. 

I believe this is also the origin of the slightly clueless Xander who we would all come to know and "love".

Length: 1379 words

Date: October 24th, 2014